The Trees

I stood at the printer yawning as it churned out some nonsense document I had sent. Idly, I daydreamed of sunny beaches and beers with my name on them.

You haven't selected double sided print!

Interrupted an indignant dream thief.

Hmm?

I looked at my printed pages and then at my accuser.

Ah, bugger. You are right. Oopsy.

How many documents are you printing anyway?

I raised an eyebrow at the blackguard. Who the bloody hell was he? I recognised him vaguely. I sidled sideways to try and get a look at his pass. Was he a permanent employee or a fly by night consultant who was too big for his britches?

None of your business.

I replied rather bluntly. In my head the dream beach beer was going flat and the sun had gone behind a cloud.

Papersavingman drew himself upto his fullest height and pointed at a Save The Trees poster above the printer.

We all have to be conscious of the environment. You should consider that the next time you print something.

He delivered this statement with the pomposity of a peacocks erection.

I considered what he said. The thing is, I am quite the eco-man, it wasn't my fault that the printer settings kept defaulting to maximum waste. I took a deep breath and wondered if it was possible to de-bone someone and keep them alive. Perhaps I could keep him in a special tank in my living room?

Right you are.

He glared at me. He had a spot on his cheek which was becoming hard to see as his face grew red with rage at my indifference.

It doesn't hurt to think twice.

Okaydoke.

We can all do our bit you know.

By now my document had finished printing. It was a weighty tome. My dream beers now firmly evaporated I stared at papersavingman and aggressively fed my giant printout into the photocopy feeder.

You're making two copies?

He screeched with a frightening level of indignation.

The printer churned away making my copies. I idly picked my nose.

His face wrinkled like a baby with constipation as my finger like a master plasterer scraped away at my nasal cavity. The printer whirred and fell silent as my document finished copying all sixty odd pages.

I maintained eye contact with him as I added the second batch of copied pages to my big printout pile. I then held it all over the recycle bin beside the printer.

Oh, what a silly sausage I am. I printed the wrong thing!

I let the bale of paper drop in the bin with a whumph and smiled handsomely. Papersavingman squawked in disbelief like a fingered crow.

I headed back to my desk trying not to grin like a maniac. I was getting back into the swing of this working lark.