The Pox

I had just sat down at my desk in work, coffee in hand when my phone rang. I answered hello with my usual handsome baritone. A voice on the other end squawked

What?!? Who? Where? Why!

It was the good lady. Our daughter had been complaining of an itchy back and when she went to check it she saw the unmistakable signs of Chicken Pox.

I immediately grabbed my coat and headed for the exit in a blind panic. A dullard got in my way I barged him to the ground shouting MEDICAL EMERGENCY!!

The streets outside were thick with the daily smog and I could barely see a few feet in front of me. An old woman crouched on some filthy sail-cloth near the side of the road begging for spare change. I wrinkled my nose disapprovingly.

The clattering of hooves indicated the approach of a carriage. I pursed my lips and let forth a piercing whistle. The carriage pulled to a halt.

There was a large puddle between me and the door of the cab. I hurriedly shoved the beggar into mud and then used her as a stepping stone to avoid dirtying my fine leather shoes.

I barked my address to the driver..

I added for good measure.

The grime encrusted gremlin of a driver whipped the horses to a fine lather. I believe there were some guttural growls from the miserable fellow, perhaps an attempt at conversation? I refused to be drawn. One does not commune with the lower classes except out of dire necesstity such as those times you need to squeeze the badger.

In no time at all we arrived at my residence. The driver held out a grubby paw. I slapped it with my cane and then cracked it over his head as a life lesson to the wastrel.

Kicking the door open I breezed past the maid, throwing my cape expertly onto the coat rack. A brisk five minute walk bought me to my daughters rooms.

I strutted in, after all a gentleman should never skulk in his own manor.

The nanny was fussing around with hot towels. I found her to be distasteful and kicked her in the arse whillst shouting

Cradling my daughter in my arms I sobbed manfully.

Take my strength little wing take it and heal thine self!!

Perhaps that is how the ladies (and in this, I include the men) I work with, seemed to picture a reasonable reaction would be.

In reality the good lady phoned with the news and I sighed. Lordy, what a pain in the chuff. So I finished work early and arrived home with medicine and a 16 inch four cheese pizza.

My jubilant family carried me around the room several times on their shoulders with an exuberant joy then we got stuck in to the pizza.

That is how you do it!

:O)