The Buzzard Chick

in life •  5 months ago

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Summer has come to Scotland.

The geese are honking in the skies and the common man in the street is shirtless in a classic display of taps aff now that the weather has broached the 15 degrees barrier.

These are indeed happy times.

Even better for me was the fact that the good lady had decided to take herself and the little lady off to the hairdressers to get their collective hair done. Given that the little boom is highly dependant on the juice that flows from the milky squeakers he went along with them too.

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I was alone in the house. Immediately I thought of getting my nadgers out and wandering the house naked in some primal rebellion against... well... everything.

Instead, I scanned the chores I had been given by the good lady in a futile attempt to stop me masturbating the next few hours away.

They were a doddle. I whipped through them in no time and was done.

I looked at the clock.

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Holy Manjano! I still had almost three hours of man freedom.

What to do?

It was a prize dilemma. I could obviously crack wan aff which would mean that I could then crack another off before leaving to go and get them.

Something stopped me, however. The man in his mid-forties took pause and thought.

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Hey, life isn't all about frantically beating the bossmatang when the missus isn't there.
sorry @bossmatang! :O)

I decided to do something more constructive instead.

A couple of hours later I rolled up and picked up the good lady and family from the hairdressers.

And what have you been up to in the last few hours without any family Daddy?

Asked the good lady somewhat suspiciously.

Goodness, wench of mine. You suspect me of some nefarious deed. Perhaps milking the buzzard chick?

She raised an eyebrow as if to show that is indeed exactly what she thought.

Go on then. What did you get up to?

I could tell she was thinking the worst as is the way of women since the dawn of time.
note, I am not being sexist. It is a documented fact that on a primal level the reason that women give their men so many chores when they go out is to blatantly stop them just masturbating the day away

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Well lass.

I proudly proclaimed..

I dug the XBox One out from under all the kiddy stuff at the telly, plugged it in and immersed myself in Fallout 4 for a few hours.

I beamed widely.

It was bloody marvellous!

She stared at me.

I smiled in return.

She stared harder, obviously employing the kind of lady mind tricks that a Jedi would be jealous of.

You played Fallout Four for three hours when you had a house alone without any children and it's sunny outside?

Yes indeed!

She shook her head.

You would have been better off masturbating the whole time.

Hmmh, Women!

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Woow, I still can't get my son, when playing his game for hours, also...
There is a book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by PhD John Gray...He actually explains much of this different points of views and psychology, so if anyone wants to survive in this World, needs to accept as law this huuugggeee differences...

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It is true there are huge differences. I have always meant to read that book. Especially add I aim to be a survivor!! :0)

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Yes, it is good,...very good book...There is one more, one of the best, masterpiece by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Mastery Of Love,..Ooh, I have no Woords,..One of the most famous parts is: Most of the relationship between man and women, nowdays are like the relationship between Drug dealer and the Addict...

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Haha, that kind sells it alone! I will definer put these on the list!

Just make sure you keep the wee man covered up if you're gonna do it outside. Don't want him getting sun burn. Us Scots are peely-wally. Last thing you wants a peely-willy. :)

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Hehe, you are totally right and he is fair skinned and red haired as well. He's getting plastered in sun block!! :O)

Oh man, how slow am I!

Yes, I will keep that wee man covered too lol!

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Enjoy it while it lasts mate. We'll probably wake up to snow the morra. :)

Hehehee your problem was honesty - you could have said straight faced that all you had time for was the chores you had done lol then the good lady would have been pleased :)

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I should have! Goddammit, three thought never crossed my mind lol!

Can't seem to win, @meesterboom! Just when you thought you had it all figured out...

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It's these ever shifting sands!!

Moral of the story: it’s better to be a wanker than a procrastinator?

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It's a fine moral to live by!

Man, just when I thought I had a handle on my schedule, life just up and bites me on the nadgers. Should I be complaining? I-I... I don't think I should.

Ugh... women, amirite? Can't live with them, can't understand a fucking clue what they mean when they say what they mean... uh, ahem. Seriously though, it was a test and you passed, BOOM-diggity! I hope you had a hearty reward for your absitence!

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I always pass the tests but I never know what they are!!

Or I assume I pass because I am still alive...

hola chico!

sun's out there these days too?
4 hours of gaming?
wow!
they do some live streaming in dlive for that :)

cheers to sunny days!
seems summer already!!!! really hot hot hot!
the huge mere near my place 's full of topless men and women these days even on weekdays :)

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Hola chica!!

It was out for a day and a half. Now it is back to rain!! Boo hiss.

I have high hopes for a warm summer though! :0)

That is hysterical!

And I must admit, the to-do list is in fact a fact! Lol! At least in the Crowbar household! Hahaha!

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It is, it is universal!!! :0)

I started to laugh when I read "Summer has come to Scotland"
AUHAUHAUAHAUH.
REALLY?
Also that documented fact that we are pushing men to not jerking off continously is the TRUTH!
Now you just reminded me that I shall go to the hairdresser.

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Aha, the hairdresser is it? I will masturbate whilst you are away :0p

LOL, You were damned the moment you were asked what you did. I know that feeling of the "expectation" of being productive. If you finished the chores, then you had time to do a bunch of other chores no?
I applaud you sir for having the bravery to take that time and make it whatever you want. Sometimes you have to make the choice between what you want to do and the consequence of actions deemed unworthy. lol

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Aha, that was it!! Damn I should have realised. She expected more chores!!

The thought never even crossed my mind lol!!

I dug the XBox One out from under all the kiddy stuff at the telly, plugged it in and immersed myself in Fallout 4 for a few hours.
I beamed widely.
It was bloody marvellous!

Ohhh meesterboom i was really thinking you were going to say something like this haha,

She stared at me.

😂who wouldnt

You played Fallout Four for three hours when you had a house alone without any children and it's sunny outside?

Even i am surprised lol

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It was awesome :0)

But how did her hair look? You did compliment her, didn't you?

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I forgot at first but for in relatively quickly!

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Phew. I was about to bid you farewell.

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My wits returned in a flash when I saw her eyes light up in a potential death summoning

Who understands women? And who can defend us from them? ... I think the option you should have taken was to go to a Pub and have a few beers, in the style of Uncle Boom, that was not the decision of a Scottish "Macho"; that's why the Good Lady does not like that her good "MachoBoom" will spend a few hours playing in the style of an inexperienced child ... Do not make these mistakes ... (lol) ... Greetings @meesterboom.

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Ah the pub would have been a good idea had it not been early morning!! Hehe

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Wow! A "small" mistake in my suggestion.

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Ahhh... Yet another example how far behind, (or is it ahead?) The rest of the world, America is. We forget you guys use that other temperature system. 15 degrees? I'd be freezing my nads off here! :)

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Haha, I can never figure out your Fahrenheit malarkey everything I look at how to work out out it slips away minutes later

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I can relate. When I was in Germany last September, my friend Joni from Liverpool, England said it was 32 degrees outside. Without thinking, I reached for my heavy winter coat and gloves before it hit me, lol!

I don't know if they're ever going to give that up here. :)

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Heheh, 32, the roads would be melting here! lol

You played Fallout Four for three hours when you had a house alone without any children and it's sunny outside?

Yes indeed!

She shook her head.

You would have been better off masturbating the whole time.

Hmmh, Women!

Yeah. They sure never seem to get the point.

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They don't, the mangy curs!

The good lady cannot believe that you did not masturbate while you were at home alone. I wish that women do not put us men being a stereotype in this act. Upvoted!

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They do stereotype us! Swines!

LOL!! Kudos to these fantastic visuals of you pulling your pud me boom, haha!!

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Lol, it was quite descriptive I must say. One has to conjure the vision ;0D

Isn't it a wonder that men and women ever work out as they are so entirely different?

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It's a constant amazement to me!

LOL! All that sunshine and you played a computer game? LOL! :D

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I know, I think I am going soft in the head :0)

Except it was the morning and I got to frolic in the afternoon sun!

Hmmm tough decision indeed. I often find myself in similar situations

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Reach for glory. It's the only way!

@meesterboom trust me you don't want to experience the weather Herr in my country at this time of the year it so hot that I once experienced so kids who came over for a brief holiday as their dad is a Nigeria, the car had been parked outside and the kids were on their way to the shopping mall, the two kids a bit and a girl ran into the car as the driver was already waiting , guess what? They sped out faster than they entered, the sit of the car was so hot it burnt their butts. But we are used to this here.Also I feel you should have peace and tranquility if the wife and kids step out.At least you can concentrate and write a good post.My thoughts though.

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I wrote my best posts when it is all chaotic and nuts lol

I like that heat, I am like a lizard, I thrive in it. You would have the cold damp here!!

Haha. I likey like it!!
Joy

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Cheers, I'm glad you like it!

It has been a while since I visit my boss laboratory, I have been busy; but masturbation, i thought only umarried guys do it😂.

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Hahahaha,a common misconception. Parents do too lol!!

Wow is this just a story or a true life story?

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It's a bona fide true life story!

your writing style is impressive,Just love it...
"And what have you been up to in the last few hours without any family Daddy?"
only girls thinks like this :-)

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It's true I think it's only them that do!

WoW,,Great writing

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It is magnificent. I am going to upvote this guy

Ha ha ha
very interesting post it is.
go ahead.

Happy Steeming.

whether this is your conversation with a woman who was a woman who was masturbating.

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This was neither of those things!

Good :D

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Excellent!