On A Roll

_{'Some of the best battles I've fought have been the ones that I've lost' - meesterboom 2018.}

I browsed one last bit of Steemit on my phone and decided that I had hidden from parenthood in the toilet long enough. With a sigh I put my phone away and stretched out for some toilet paper.

There was only a pitiful little scrap attached to the cardboard tube.

I looked about for the spares which were usually down in the little cupboard under the sink. It was a bit of a stretch but my manly agility allowed me to wheek the doors open and peer in whilst remaining glued to the pan.

There was none in there either.

I made noises like an angry chicken for a couple of minutes whilst flailing around helplessly on my porcelain prison.

I can't believe this, there was bloody loads of bog roll in there the other day. What are that family doing with it all, eating it?

I called for help.

Downstairs music was blaring loudly. It was the Pixies, This monkey's gone to heaven. Inwardly I cursed at encouraging the little lady to love music.

Hmm. I started tugging at the cardboard tube that had once held such bounteous amounts of loo roll. Time to get all MacGyver.

In no time at all, I had fashioned myself a crude means of wiping. A little stiff and coarse perhaps but needs must when the devil rides.

I came downstairs into the lounge where it looked like the ladies of the house were having a dance party to loud music. The little boom was in his Mummy's arms laughing and giggling as he was whirled around.

In my head I saw myself put my hands on my hips and bellow.

Who has been using all the toilet paper? For goodness sake, there were loads the other day and now there is none? I had to become overly familiar with myself up there?! You don't need to use half a roll every time you go you know.!?

I opened my mouth. Then closed it again.

Wait, didn't my father used to complain about exactly the same thing??

Flaming hot donkeys... Was I becoming my Father?!?

Sod that, another song had started. I grabbed the good lady and the little lady's hands and started dancing.