Mmmm Quorn
Now that the good lady does not have a baby in her belly I was kinda hoping that our eating habits could get slightly back to normal. After all the no I can't eat this or that nonsense. I had my eyes on making us a Korean style spicy prawn'y dish and was getting my dander in a froth just thinking about it.
Sadly, my hopes have been dashed on the cruel rocks of fate by the good lady experiencing some manner of bizarre, post-natal, altered taste buds syndrome. It beggars belief. Throughout her entire pregnancy, she had not a single craving. Not one.
That has all changed. This afternoon I stared at her through bloodshot eyes and asked what she would like for dinner.
Dinner? Mmm, you know I would really like a curry.
Oh man, now she was talking. I am the curry man! Spicy hot mad devilish curry! That's what we needed. That would shake things up. The spice cupboard beckoned me with its siren song and already I could see the chillis I would put in it.
Curry! Yeah baby. Let's do it! What kind? You fancy chicken? Fish? You name it and it is YOURS!
She thought for a moment. Then her eyes lit up.
Quorn!
What?
Do we have Quorn? I would love a Quorn curry!
Quorn. Flaccid little cubes of stink. I can think of nothing worse to cook with. People have this romantic idea that Quorn is like mushrooms instead of some slimy fetid mook that is grown in vats. Some people also like to think that you can't tell the difference between Quorn and real meat. These people tend not to eat meat.
You sure? We have chicken? Lots and lots of chicken. Mmm I would love chicken!
No, Quorn. I really want Quorn. Mmm, quite the craving for it. Make it spicy!
Spicy Quorn curry. Gotcha.
I slunk off to the kitchen. I contemplated cutting cooked chicken into little cubes and telling her it was Quorn's new product Quicken but I didn't think she would fall for it. I got to cooking. I am a mean cook. at the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I am genuinely awesome in the kitchen. But Quorn. Meh.
Later I served her her Quorn Curry. I had done my best with the little cubes of mankyness but it still tasted of how I imagine that fake boob stuffing would taste.
She tucked into it. I bought out my own dinner. She smelled it and looked over and her eyes almost popped out of her head at the luscious glossy dark beef curry I had made.
You made two dishes?
I gave a crocodile grin.
Hell yeah baby. Enjoy your Quorn.
We ate in happy silence. Well, my silence certainly was.
lol you are too funny and I was expecting you'd make your own curry! Anyone who says quorn is similar to meat has never had meat! I'd say quorn is similar to dirty socks dipped into something only God knows.
That is my opinion of it too. Something foul that would not be ingested!
lol exactly! But it's normal for women to crave strange things so the good lady has her reasons :)
She does indeed :0) I am happy to eat the meat for her!
I have no doubt :)
Aw man. That was awesome.
I never understood why people who don't want to eat meat make things that pretend to be.... meat.
It does baffle me too. I have a friend who is mad for fake-on I am like, just buy the real stuff!!
Meester, this is one of your best posts, since I started to read them!
Is the good lady reading your blog?
Cheers mate! She does actually! She always laughs at how I describe things even continually calling her the good lady :0)
Quorn? What the hellz is Quorn? I've personally found the only decent substitute for meat is beans. I make a kickass blackbean burger. A big No on tofu or any soy based products, especially since soy is full of estrogen and I'm thinking that's not the best thing to be feeding my adolescent son or my mohohohowaahr masculine husband lol!
It's mushroom meat haha! I've tried it a couple times, and I have to say that it's indeed an acquired taste. I see where Boom Daddy is coming from, but personally I don't mind the artificial rubbery flavor haha! Though, I don't often indulge in it because it's quite expensive here since it's imported.
I am totally with you there! I love making bean burgers, I have a kickass black bean one myself! Also bean chilli. Tis awesome, keep it natural.
I agree on the soy thing, it's estrogen daft!!
Excellent! But I have to say, never ever heard of quorn! Is it like tofu? I would have done the sneaky chicken cube thing...
quick story...I was visiting my dad- he lives in a retirement/assisted living place. He brings wine with him down to the communal dining room every night. He buys big gallons of wine at a time, so for going to the dining room, he pours the jug wine into a regular sized bottle that has a label on it of a quite pricey wine. He offers it up to his dining mates, and their eyes bug out at the expensive bottle; he pours; they sip it; mmmm, very nice they say, yes exquisite!
It is like tofu, only it is a bizarre vat grown protein. It is quite inoffensive but that hardly rates it as a great thing!!
Haha, that's fabby!! People do that. If they think it is expensive then that's what they will taste!
what's Qourn? fish cake?
oh .. you already answered it but am writing it anyway ...
beef? why not chicken? lol ....
you and your chillies !!!
I still love them chillies!!
I wanted a richy rich curry. Deep and dark and spicy, chicken wouldn't have cut it!!
hahaha .. spicy hot - like ka BOOM!
Oh meesterboom, what a disappointment my mouth was watering thinking about that lovely curry... In the back of my mind I knew where the curry bus was going (well the title was a major spoiler)
As a proud Glaswegian it has always been my guilty secret that "we" too got on the Quorn train..., "Our" food of choice was spag bol, but there was a dark secret behind it.... I actually enjoyed it... Thankfully though I have not had a Quorn relapse for a while now 😉
I ate millions of it back in the day!
But then didn't and when I tried it again it was not the same, hence the loathing I have for it now. Yeah the title was a bit of a giveaway!
Ugh...I have never heard of quorn!
Ghastly stuff!
Ahaha! Aw man! This made me miss your cooking even more!! I have seen that post-pregnancy craving thing a lot of times so it's not that unnatural. Also, I have seen women stretching it on further when they have already recovered their normal appetite just so they could have their way in the kitchen. Though I don't think your good lady would ever do that. Would she? :/
Great move making two sets of meals though! It'll really weed out fake craving if it would ever come to it haha! Would it come to it? :/
Would she? Would she? Hmm, I suspect she could. Fortunately you have cut through it and saw my ploy with the beef (ooer)
She won't last long at this rate, I will out taste her on everything!
Ahaha! I trust that you will succeed, dude! It's only a matter of time before the Boom Estate becomes a one meal household once again!
Aw man, I can't wait!
You can, and you will. It seems the fate of the kitchen rest on your good lady's hands. I'm sure she's having a hell of a time with the power haha!
I am upping the ante with the cooking. She wont be able to resist!
Ohohoho! The game is afoot it seems!
You are very clever Mr Boom I'm sure she would have preferred it. Please send us a nice curry recipe as I love curry.
I do have some I blogged about, I will look back and see!
Yup, I would have made two curries as well!
It was definitely the right thing to do!