Da Gym
Before the birth of little boom, the good lady and myself were assessing our finances and looking at our budget post-birth when she would not be working.
The first thing to get the chop was our membership of a fancy dan gym nearby.
Back then I smiled and nodded my approval at this budgetary move whilst inside I nashed my teeth and shed a fat salty tear or two. In the interests of health/keeping my guns looking sweet, we agreed that upon my return to work I could join one of those budget gym group places.
Today I went online and joined one and at lunchtime headed off for my first gym session in some six or seven weeks.
I entered the building that housed the gym. Unlike my old gym, there was no-one to greet me. Just some walls adorned with graffiti and a row of stark metal turnstiles. It was like a train station in Naples.
Around me the lunchtime crowd funnelled through the turnstiles after inputting some beepy code.
I curled my lip up in distaste, what were we, livestock?
Not wishing to be singled out as an outsider and potentially set upon by the ravening commoners I confidently input my own code to the turnstiles and moved through with the herd.
I followed the signs to the changing room. Inside it was full of sweaty hairy men standing with their penises out. I gave a pronounced sniff of distaste. Is this what I was reduced to? Spending my lunchtimes with a horde of hairy men and their greasy penises?
I moved to a locker. That was odd. It didnt have a swipe card lock. Just a metal hoop.
Ye need a padlock mate.
I looked to my left where the grunting monkey noise had emanated from. A naked hairy man was toweling himself. I wasn't one to judge but if he toweled himself any harder he was in danger of ejaculating.
I made a cat eating a cigarette face.
A padlock? I dont have one.
Ootside, theres a machine.
Replied the penis towelling monkey.
Hmmph, I purchased said padlock then changed and headed into the gym.
It was cold and full of unattractive sweaty people. I looked around for the coffee shop. Fuck sake, there wasn't one.
The barbarity of it all depressed me. Forlornly I moved to the free weights section and started my workout. The weights seemed heavier than they should. This is pish, I thought to myself.
Later I returned home from work.
How was your new gym?
Beamed the good lady, no doubt full of cheer at the piles of money she saw us saving.
It was fucking shit, you bastard, I thought.
It was smashing lass.
Oh that's great, bet you can't wait to go back!
In my head a line of penis towelling men laughed at me.
Yeah, can't wait.
As annoying this experience has been to you, as hilarioussss reading it was, i was cracking up at the toweling monkey hahahaha
Btw i have a group of friends, they're not on steemit, yet i send them your articles for a great laugh !
Ha, that's the best thing I have ever heard, Cheers for making my night!
haha glad to hear !
i do that too! only guy on steemit i can do that constantly!! our boom is booming
😂 😂😂😂😂
I wonder if he moved on to the 'Butt floss'?
See this is why I don't go to the gym anymore, who wants to watch these radge's overdry their tackle?
It's the way they just stand about towelling for ages. I mean give yourself a quick rub and move on!
Check out this gym in Wellington - http://powerhousegym.co.nz/about-us/ - after that your budget gym might look enticing.
Oh my flippety flip!! Thats what my gym is like only with blue carpets and slightly newer equipment!!
I would probably be too scared to use that one lol!
Probably for the best. NFA could also be read as No Funnymen Allowed!
Beware of towelling men I've always said.
I couldn't agree more!
I think your stories are perfect to draw some comics, they are really funny. As a woman, I can say you that to see a naked hairy man was toweling himself it's not always an interesting scene to see. It depends :P
Haha, as a man I can tell you it's a scene of harrowing horror!! :0)
They probably would go down well as comics, I try to write in scenes!
Perhaps you should skip the change room.
Change into your workout gear to display the guns to the good lady.
Proceed to the gym, through the turnstiles, then directly to the weight.
Once you are good and sweaty. With an odour that would make the tile peel off of a urinal, return to the good lady.
I am rather sure that the pheromones will drive her into a a tizzy. Then, in about 9 months, there will be another boom.
Just saying....
Ha! I think you're onto something there! If the pheromones don't drive her into a tizzy Boom can tell her, sorry, there are no showers at this budget gym.
That might work, next thing you know I will be back at swanky towers with its free fluffy towels!
No more booms!! No more!!
I did have a fair old giggle at your comment :0D
all i can say is you must have gone to some fancy gym previously. maybe Amazon should go into the business. 😎
I did, unashamedly so. It was lovely. This one is all metal and concrete. sob!
not shameful if you can afford it.
some go to be seen, some go to see.
this one, nothing to see :-)
Hehe, yes, you have it exactly right there!
I remember when the previous gym was cut from the budget haha I feel like I could chronicle your life, like I'm able to write a biography for your previous year haha!
At least it was airconditioned, right? Neighborhood gyms here are open air, with some not even having changing rooms. When you narrated the penises, man, a lot of bad gym experiences flashed back to me. I'm not sure if even the STEEM blockchain would be able to take all of it. It's too risky to put up as it might cause the downfall of the very blockchain. I do not want to go down in history as the guy who broke the blockchain. Also, I do not want to go to your new gym haha!
Oh hey, at least it'll feel like a new adventure every time you work out, right?
Oh yeah! I am heading off to it again today. I now firmly expect nothing so can only have a better experience, wouldn't you say?
Open air gyms, that's a cool thing. It was air conditioned, that was one of the few pluses that it had, although the Aircon was set at stun.
Please don't break the blockchain!!! Please!
Things can only go up from there! Have fun pumping iron, dudeskie! And please, for Bob's sake, don't drop the soap!! May your ass live long and prosper!
The soap shall be grasped so firmly I may be in danger of making soap diamond!
Oh hey if you need help disposing of the money you would make from it, I would love to help you get it off your hands. Talking about the money, not the soap.
You know I love throwing money about. I will stick some in a bottle and put your name on it and throw it in the sea!!!
That would be mighty appreciated, sir. Mighty, mighty fine of you to do. I'm sure the good folks who stumble upon it won't bother with it since they're not the ones the bottle is addressed to.
And that is one of the things I love about living in this kind and caring world. They would probably open it and match the sum in there with their own funds and close it up again!
Sorry that the new gym is a horror place. I'm guessing you already researched online. Maybe you could find something better with a small increase of your budget.
Good luck!
There is no increase in budget for me. The good lady considers this to be quite the extravagance! I shall just have to readjust my expectations!
This is hilarious. I can imagine the sweaty monkeys staring at themselves in the mirror thinking: "I am such a beast aggrrrrr"
Good luck next time meester!!
That's exactly what they were doing, the grunts and self appreciation were horrendous!