Crypto Trading: Riding The Red Sea

As a well known and deeply respected Crypto Trader^© responsible for articles such as Crypto Trading Techniques and Crypto Trading: The Soggy Biscuit. I felt it time to chime in with some help for the new and not so new Crypto Traders amongst us on how to operate in the red markets we are currently experiencing.

_{Note: I say red markets because I dislike bears. Filthy creatures.}

Don't worry, follow these tips below and soon you will be hanging your hat on a gold peg and that is not a euphemism for penis.

You simply could not ask for a better qualified man to walk you through the perils of a red market. After all, not only did I leave my wife for the life of crypto trading, I have also met and killed the real Satoshi Nakamoto!

So let's get stuck in. After all, as just about everyone and their dog is saying, this current market is not a bloodbath but an

First thing is first. You gotta have or get some of that sweet crypto in order to buy some of that sweet crypto. this pretty much means buying some Bitcoin.

There are several ways to do this.

You can blog on Steemit, earn Steem, spend Steem, BE STEEM. Then swap Steem for Bitcoin. This method is guaranteed. _{(*note -not guaranteed)}

Or you can pony up some of that sweet greasy fiat and buy direct using whichever user friendly, not mind bogglingly confusing routes to do so. Oh wait, there aren't any? Ok, You can jump through 1 MILLION hoops and buy it that way.

There. You are in. You have that sweet Bitcoin, time to turn it into unmitigated profit.

I know, I know. The markets are all red you say. It's a BLOODBATH!

And no, I am not going to quote that old todger Buffet.

Find a coin outwith the top ten cryptos by volume. Aim to find one that costs cents rather than dollars.

Buy the shit out of it.

Sit back and smoke a sweet sweet cigar.

Wait, there is more. Did you think you had cracked it? That it was all so easy?

Oh no my friend. There is work in this trading game.

Now comes the fun part.

Check your portfolio hourly.

Watch as it steadily decreases in value along with every other crypto in this god-forsaken realm.

Weep as its value plummets to less than half of what you paid for it.

Yell in delight as one day it bucks the trend and rises up into the green. (Along with every other crypto. Usually a Tuesday.)

Weep again as the very next day it sinks to new lows.

When it is worth approximately a third of what you paid for it, it is time to forget about it.

That's right, forget about it. If anyone asks how your investments are going just tap your nose, wink and say HODL...

Choose another crypto, this time from the top ten cryptos by volume.

This revolutionary technique is called

Get more Bitcoin with that sweet, safe, stable I mean, greasy FIAT. Yech, dirty dirty FIAT. You might have to get into serious debt. That's ok though. Life is all about risks and when I say risks I mean opportunities.

Select your preferred top ten crypto.

Buy the motherfucking shit out of it... BIG STYLE.

Still got them cigars? Smoke one of them sweet sweet hoagies.

Now, check your portfolio.

Weep big fat tears as it reduces each day.

On Tuesday shout, scream and dance for Joy as it bounces up a little into the green.

The next day and the following days find yourself weeping with terror and debilitating fear in bizarre places like public toilets or clothing store changing rooms.

When you can take no more, sell all that shit for about a tenth of what you bought it for.

If anyone asks how the trading is going, tap your temple and nod wisely, telling them.

It's a tough market to operate in but the knowledge to be gained... Is...

Tell yourself this as you rock yourself to sleep each night.

_{Please be aware that my eccentric opinions do not constitute real trading advice. In other words don't be an arse}