Confluence #2

in life •  2 months ago

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The question is... whether you will get to leave...

Cal Davvers smirked with a malevolent twist of his mouth.

Whether I will get to leave?

I coughed out a derisory snorf, flicking my gaze to my left shoulder and brushing at some imaginary jizzum deposited by the Hawk of Contemptuous Ejaculation.

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Cal Davvers chuckled.

No fear in you, eh? I like that. It's surprising though, given that you were up to your neck in it with the REDSHIFT crew?

I pulled the chair across from Davvers out and sat down, flicking my tongue between my teeth to catch some errant beef from the night before.

Up to my neck in it? Or testing the waters to see how far this company would go in throwing money away on expensive third party deliveries that don't actually deliver... Anything.

Davvers raised an eyebrow on his ancient face as if for me to continue.

I might also remind you that no-one stopped it till I told The Clivvers exactly what was going on, every detail right down to the last fat cigar that was smoked.

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I examined my nails. I was making an effort to look as casual as I could but inside I was sweating. Cal Davvers had an intimidating presence. He radiated a dark and primeval power that made my testicles burrow deep inside my body leaving my mannity nothing but a wrinkled sack.

But as my old Kung Fu master used to say.

Hit it harder! Faster! Pound it!

She was a hard taskmaster and I was almost relieved when we broke up.

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I snapped back to the present.

... Yes, The Clivvers speaks highly of you. We go way back he and I. It is in part because of his... influence... I have decided to assess you myself. Perhaps you may be worthy of becoming... one of us.

Davvers chuckled again. An oily thing that slithered blackly within unseen spaces.

What say you then, BoomDawg? Will you move up here? Work for the Audit team for a short time. Let us see if you are indeed... worthy?

I tried not to reverse shit up my oesophagus into my mouth in surprise.

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Work for Audit? Up here?

Yes.

Davvers languidly reached below the surface of the desk and pulled forth an unmarked bottle. He set it down on the desk with a pair of small crystal tumblers. In the dark of his office the liquid in the bottle looked brackish as it undulated back and forth within.

Seal the deal?

He poured a small measure from the bottle into each glass and offered me one.

There was a pungent stink of alcohol from it and something else, reminiscent of a lady on her dabby-doos.

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I reached forth and took the tumbler nearest me.

Bottoms up.

Said Davvers. His eyes never leaving mine as he raised his glass to his lips.

Indeed.

I smirked.

If Davvers thought I was scared to try his hastily concocted Menstrual Port he should think again. I have probably drunk worse. Jose Cuervo, sprang to mind. The Tequila, not the man.

I tipped the glass back like a bull spearing an oyster on a horn.

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We both rattled our glasses on the desktop at the same time.

Davvers looked at me with respect.

I will be in touch shortly with a desk move for you.

I nodded and rose. At the door I turned and gave a sardonic salute.

As I exited the floor I flung myself into the stairwell and made a hideous BOURKE noise as if I had just deep-throated an Ox.

What the hell was that stuff? I tried not to retch it back up. A valuable lesson I had learned when eating chicken hearts in Bulgaria.

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My stomach gurgled disturbingly.

I made a that's not silken tofu? face as I looked back over my shoulder. The beginnings of a deep suspicion were starting to form in my mind.

The dark office, the primal and ancient majesty of the one they called Davvers and finally, the odd potion he had made me drink.

Was Cal Davvers a real life, ancient Vampire? Had I in fact, stumbled across a nest of them in our Audit department?

I pulled my fedora low over my face and headed down the stairs. Whatever was going on, this called for some top grade detectivity.

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Careful of the fire, Boom Dawg! You could get burnt!

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What is man without fire! ;0)

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... umm, a man.

What sort of question is that?

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What is fire without man?

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still a fire.

Not really seeing where you're going with this...

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If fire is fire with or without man then what is man?

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...man. Either a god-like gentlemen or a scrabbling peon.

Fire doesn't really come into play unless the wee little men get well and truly drunk.

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Then fire becomes man and man becomes fire in the flames of what we once were. Indeed, verily so

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Not scorched!

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Hehe, true!

But who audits the auditors? And, more importantly, who actually likes them?

And do they audit plans beforehand or do they only appear when things go pear-shaped?

Be careful out there.

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That is the million dollar question. They only appear when there is trouble so is it a chicken and egg situation!

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Who needs people to like you when you can create suffering!

Welcome to the alliance of villainy, my friend. We debated inviting the auditors, but we don't know where most of our funds go, there's no way we'll give them any ideas.

  1. I thought you were trained in the temple of the Sakura killers. Why would they teach something as mundane as Kung fu?
  2. Ah, your oesophagus. It's good to know that you have a different anatomy than the rest of us.
  3. the "Hawk of Contemptuous Ejaculation" Quite nice. Maybe he was the one using the toilet in the gym?
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There are many types of Kung Fu and many masters of many disciplines. Who is to say which is the way.... :0p

My anatomy never ceases to amaze

I think you have a point. They should erect a sign - no birds allowed

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erect a sign, eh?

Hmm. Now what could you be implying...

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Oh nothing...

Whistles

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Whistles harder and more innocent-soundingly

I have heard of these fabled Auditors before. I can't believe that you actually saw one in person! The alien influence must've been the key to being put on their radar. This Davvers fellow... I don't know, dude-denum, I feel like you best stay away if you fear for your life. If you are, in fact, unafraid, then meeting him head on would be the best course to unlocking this whole mess!

Also, I see what you did there with the Kung Fu master ;) Cheeky cheeky haha!

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Head on wins everytime... Unless the fear is too great!!!

Run to the hills!!

It looks like you are going from one frying pan to another. A cat with many lives Boom Dawg.

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Ah, from one frying pan into another. It's almost worse than the fire.

Hey, that rhymes! Get with the times,

I need to stop, start from the top,

Never write another poem.

That's it. Not gonna rhyme that one. That would ruin the message.

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Cats live longest they say in Spain!

Your post is a very complex confluence of ideologies. Great post friend.

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You are a fine fellow young man-jib, despite your preposterously fat nose

Such a life in the company @meesterboom just do your work diligently there now.

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Diligence is the name I gave emblazoned on my luck number two hat!

Once again I'm in awe over your descriptions. Love it! :-)

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Hehe, cheers lass. I try my bestest ;0)

@meesterboom Cal Davvers takes much prominence, perhaps in the next episode is revealed if he was a vampire in antiquity.
Thank you very much for another interesting story
I wish you a great night

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And a very good night to you too mate, perhaps all will be revealed in the next, yes!

I think that the small bottle is actually blood. He made you drink blood!!!! Don't join the Audit, meesterboom! Sooner or later, they will bite your neck. They are vampires!!! Upvoted!

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Vampires!! Then it is the stake for them!!! :0R

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An oily thing that slithered blackly within unseen spaces.

Is this the eloquent way of calling him a greaseball? lol

Mate, I think the bugger tried to poison you. You should never put something in your mouth that smells like a menstrual cramp gone bad. I'd say congrats on the "Promotion" but I don't see it going all that swimmingly up there. I guess only time will tell.

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Hehe, yes, you do have to be careful with these things.

Promotions in here never go well!!

mmmm IT Audit....mmm, so did I miss something, did you say something like, "Of course I will be handsomely rewarded for making the move up here....right?" haha seems like that would be a normal topic of conversation, especially when the distasteful task of desk moving would have to occur. If I had a nickel for every desk move.....lol I would have a fair amount of nickels. of course lateral moves have some benefits to them.....I guess. lol

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In my place you are dicing with death if you mention getting a rise for your troubles! Lol!!

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LOL really? lol wow.