Car Wars
I parked the car at the local garage. I was trying a new one after the last garage owner I used to visit seemed to think he had the right to charge me 70 million zillion quids every time I sneezed near his premises.
I went into the office and squared off with the Boss of this new garage as he lurked behind an ancient desk.
I was fully prepared to knock the shit out of him (figuratively) for being a bastard. Despite having never met or dealt with him before. I knew his creed and that was all that mattered.
How can I help you sir?
Beamed the sly cheery robbing bastard at me. No doubt already calculating how he could wangle my first born from me in turn for an oil change.
The rear indicator on the opposite side to the driver's side is not working.
He leaned back like a Bond supervillain.
The offside you say?
I gave him my best Al Pacino back in the day look. Offside? Wasn't that that thing in football where one nancy ran further than the opposing teams rearmost nancy?
Yeah. Would you be able to look at it today?
Today?
The Garage Boss enquired venomously.
Sir, I will have my son look at it within the hour and give you a ring!
The Garage Boss took the keys from me with a lecherous smile. No doubt already planning on how he could demand the title deeds to my house in exchange for a minor repair and throw me out on the streets to be homeless.
Erm, ok then.
I toddled off back home my mind full of terrible thoughts of the coming battle of the bill. I wonder how much he will dare charge me, will it number in the mere hundreds or will he go full bhoona and take it to the thousands?
I had only managed a couple of coffees in the house by the time the Garage Boss called.
That's your car ready for pickup sir!
He declared nefariously.
How much will it cost?
I demanded. But he had hung up.
Bastarding fuck!
I shouted impotently at the phone. This guy knew how to play the game alright. I gathered my bank card and a credit card and a spare thirty quid we had hanging about and headed down to the garage with a sense of deep foreboding.
I arrived in his office. The Garage Boss was there, smiling. He rose to shake my hand. I shook it. The fool didn't even realise that in the few short seconds we had wasted on pleasantries I had scoped out his office for makeshift weaponry and cover points I could hide behind in the soon to come Garage Boss Battle.
He handed me the keys to my car.
Time stretched out seemingly forever.
From far away I heard my voice echo.
How much did it cost in the end then?
The Garage Boss moved slowly around his desk to get nearer me. No doubt to get a better angle in which to leap upon my body and rend it with his teeth when I fainted at hearing the price he was going to charge me.
28 pounds sir! It was only a little corroded wiring, stripped it out and replaced it. Ten minute job!
Aghast I stared at him.
Why you dirty robbing scoundrel of a bast...
I almost said.
28 pounds? Wow, I have never had a bill so cheap before.
You're welcome sir!
I arrived home shortly after and walked into the house. The good lady looked up as I came in. The lack of blood spattering on my clothes from a Garage Boss fight immediately apparent.
How much was it?
She enquired anxiously.
28 bucks.
I said quietly.
That's amazing! Oh fantastic, our last garage would have charged a fortune! What a great garage, what a great price!
It was eh!
I said.
She continued to talk excitedly as I went to the hall to hang my coat. I kept thinking of the smiling cheery Garage Boss man.
A fantastic deal... Or was it?
I wondered, with murder in my heart.
It's a trick! It has to be a trick! This isn't right! It must be one of those wires they install that makes something else fall apart every two weeks. There must be a catch. Don't put your ax away just yet.
Exactly!! My wavelength, we are both on it. Wobbling back and forth with unsulloied rage against the machinations of the universe!!
I know he is at it!
I was thinking the same thing! LOL
My, aren't we a cynical group? 💣
Lol!! Yes indeed! ;0)
He' said just setting the bait. He might even let you off easy next time. Once he knows he's established trust you'll be sorry! Your grandchildren's grandchildren will be paying off your catylitic converter repair. Also, this is my first post on someone's post.
Your first on anothers, oh shit does that mean we are doing it? Aargh!!
Hehe, yeah, he is probably going to ruin me next time I go in and charge me ten thousand quid!!
Haha, it's so funny to see my bro in 'our universe', awesome of course, and what an excellent choice for a first comment! I
Epic cover photo Meester!
U still got the touch!
Cheers dudemeister!!
Is anything else wrong? You should finish fixing it before they raise their prices. lol 28 pounds = about $40 USD.
Hehe, that was all. It was a bargain!
Was indeed a fantastic deal.. Quit cheap if you ask me.. But this
"Why you dirty robbing scoundrel of a bast"
.. Lol i almost thought you said that to the Garage boss. The expression on his face would have been unexplainable..
He would have been rather taken aback Iam sure, I am glad the wordsd didnt spill out my mouth!
I have been on the side of the garage-owner in a very different business. I always liked it if I saw people all worked up because they assumed it would be bad for them and than be able to give a good decent price or even better give them something extra.
I like your writing style it is very engaging.
Why thank ya! I have a way about me ;O)
Hehe, Ido try to be funny but today was hilarious because it was exactly that. I was so sure I was going to be stiffed yet again by an oily man!
An honest mechanic is hard to come by. Keep that one!
I am never gonna let him go even if it means holding him back from the gates of death!
Ohhhhh how I hate the thought of taking my car to the garage. The worst is when you take it in for an oil change or tire change and when you get there they have a list of a million different things that need repair. Umm when did I ask you to look at my whatever it is!??! Argghhhh... why can’t you just change the oil and leave the rest of the car alone??? So frustrating. We have finally found a local guy who treats us well but nothing with your car is ever cheap!!!
Thats true, I have suffered exactly the same. I am amazed I managed to pay for this one in the small amount of cash I had on me!
I guess this is an invitation to a duel, it's only the ticket to a voracious butt kicking fight....... That's how they win hearts only to break it with the hammer of their neck slicing prices...... Be careful for a next time come back in that garage...... They await you.
Lol!! Hahaha, that was half on my mind!
Meester, when I left school I worked in a garage working on cars, trust that barsteward at your peril, he has you hook line and sinker with 1 sweet deal, just saying. hmmmmmmmm.
See, I am kind of thinking that. I know how this devilry works! In two days my engine will explode and it will cost me one quintillion dollars to fix!
Lol, you should have heard the owner of the garage I worked at, when a woman walked in. He was like yes the brakes need replacing, yes it needs a full service, they would leave, and he would say take the brake shoes out and rub em down with sand paper and stick em back in. And charge for work he never did.
Lol, thats terrible! You know it goes on of course. I am paranoid about it and try to do most of my own stuff on it but electrics baffle me
Get a cheap electronic multimeter off ebay or from a shop for around £6 and you can trace electrical faults easily. I am not fond either, though tools for the job help, and when they are so cheap only time is the limiting factor my friend.
When I have more time I will defo do it!!