Button Man

in life •  3 months ago

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I can't sew?

Said the good lady as she pleadingly held a school blouse out to me.

What do you mean, you can't sew. Everyone can sew?

I reached forward and took the tiny child-sized garment from her. One of the buttons had indeed come off. I rolled my eyes to the heavens and went to fetch the sewing kit we had stashed somewhere.

I came back and gave her a gnarly look.

Are you sure you can't sew? How does that even happen?

I can't, I have just never been able to.

She fluttered her eyelashes and looked at me like a baby cow looks at a farmer with a stun gun.

Hmmph.

I grabbed my needle and set to work.

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Shortly after, I held up the blouse to the good lady.

There you go, as good as new.

She took it from me and looked at the buttons.

Oh my god, you have done an amazing job. Seriously, this is totally amazing! I can't even see which button is the one you sewed. You are quite simply the best!

I couldn't help it. My chest puffed up and I smiled proudly as if I had just fixed a hole in my shoe with some dried mango.

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Ach you know, it was nothing really. Just a bit of sewing. I am sure anyone could do it...

The good lady stepped close and gave me a hug that spoke of dark deeds in the night.

Don't be modest. You are amazing at everything.

I preened a little. Then stopped. My brow wrinkled as my brain turned over as if churning butter.

Hang on.

The good lady was about to make her escape with the now mended blouse.

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Yes darling?

She said sweetly.

A series of flashbacks was playing through my head at a rate of knots. Flashbacks which were sending a cold shiver down my spine.

Remember years ago, I ironed something for you because you were "rubbish at ironing?"

The good lady looked up at the ceiling and then around the walls as if searching for a spider.

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Did you? I don't quite remember.

Yes, you did. And after it you said I was amazing at it and ever since, I am the man who has been landed with the ironing...

She stopped chasing the imaginary spider and looked at me, her eyes wide and innocent.

And then, way before that, I cooked dinner and you said it was amazing and how I was an amazing cook and ever since then, I have made most of the dinners in this house?

The good lady looked both furtive and alarmed like a stoat that has knocked over a bin.

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And now I am amazing at sewing, does this mean I am the sewing man?! You're taking the piss!!

The good lady cocked her head to the side.

Hear that? I think the little boom has woken up from his nap, I better go up.

She turned and fled.

The fog of subterfuge and confusion was clearing from my mind. I growled under my breath.

I'm on to your tricks little Missy. Oh yes, I am on to you...

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Haha! Yes, I'm guilty of the ironing trick. I detest ironing and refuse to buy clothes that I know wrinkle easily. I never said I didn't know how to iron however, I just honestly stated that I detest it and the results would be less than favorable. 😉

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Funnily enough 8 gave hard similar for other things, damn. I've been played! :0)

Red Alert! Red Alert! Mr. Boom, you have been had! Time to shake up that cherry tree! Next, you'll be doing the cleaning...

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Ha, there are some lines that she'll not be crossed!!

hahaha! I love this. Nicely done.

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Cheers man!

Just you wait, bro-seph, one of these days, you'll be the best at changing diapers, and while that's not a permanent position, it's still something that would take some time. Just be careful not to be the best at breastfeeding!

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I think I am the best at diapers. I am lightning man! I will lay off the breastfeeding practice then ;0)

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Leave the breastfeeding to the pros, El Hombre Relampago! Go on and take five. Hand over Little Boom and I'll lactate up some grub. Oh wait, that's sweat...

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Mmm, yummy sweat. I mean ewwww!!

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Ewwwwwww.... like it so much? Is that what you were trying to say?

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It's that what you are trying to say!? You, me... We!?

It's that what we are trying to say ;0D

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It's not for me, you or us to say, but yes. Yes, it is!

  1. well, at least we've established something you're good at.
  2. Hmm. Ok, I guess I can forgive the irony since you were forcibly conscripted.
  3. Have you really never seen her sew something before now? How did she even get you to start?
  4. Sorry, but I don't think making dinner's that bad, so long as you enjoy it and you don't have to do it every time. And you're good at it. You're good at it, right? 'cause otherwise we may have to cease contact, cut all lines of communication, and pretend our alliance for mutual world domination never happened.
  5. But Forcing you to iron?!! Unacceptable. This stops here, this stops now.
  6. But seriously, fixing a hole in your shoe with some dried mango? I have got to try that sometime.
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I am ace in the kitchen. In fact it is what kick started my steemit career!

I have never seen her sew but then, I have rarely seen anyone sew. Its a bit like asking a lady to see her ankles when she is on a horse.

Dried mango. The shoefixers secret weapon

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Good. The alliance shall proceed. On to plan theta 36, then? Remember not to release the peanut butter too early.

Also - how often do women hide their ankles when on a horse? I'd think if you'd gone horse-riding you'd have seen it, just like if you'd been married for a while you'd have seen your wife sew. Oh well, we're all wrong occasionally. Just remember,

Nobody can find out about this.

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I agree, no-one can find out about this.

It is a good job we are communicating through the highly complex encrypted sigma protocol

/proceed
;

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Done.

The explosives have been shipped, the deal's been signed, Trump's under our contr-

I mean Boomy:// -(double scroll, cartoon+

Now it's up to you, at least until we hit stage delta plus plus/ codename nameless. For that we'll need a ticket to Canada.

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It always comes back to Canada

At least that's what the cypher said.

I will prepare the hypotron ‡ »

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Of course it always comes back to Canada. It started there, didn't it?

At least that's what my holy book says: "And Adam and Eve left the gates of paradise, traveled south through Toronto and east through Ur, and thus they came to the holy land of the Scots."

I may need to work on my geography.

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I think the geography is sound!

Alarm bells. I have taken over most of the cooking too lol. That was my fault as I said I was a little sick of what they dished up. Different words but it didn't go down too well. I have never complained about anything else since as I have learnt my lesson. I think it's time to act ignorant and useless for you.

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I think I shall start with the acting ignorant and useless. It is a good tactic!!

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LOL! How many years did it take for you to catch on?
Beware, the good lady has many more tricks up her sleeve. I know these things. I am woman. hehehee

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Damned trickery!!! I dont doubt there is loads more to come! :OD

Oh yeah. She's got you riiiiight where she wants you.

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I think so! Dammit!

I think She was trying to do something else😋😋😋😋

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Yes indeed!

Ohhh tricksy girl, I likes it! I tried that bit with the cooking in the early years, Howie just insisted on teaching me how. I can't sew though, that's a fact, he can actually do it better than me- though mostly I just give it to my mother the sewing queen :)

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Ha, a nonsensery! I bet you can sew like a sewing wiz@rd!! Let the sewing commence!!!

Yeah....I saw this coming from the moment she was overly complimentary on your ability to sew on a button (the easiest thing to do in sewing) :P

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I am too easily misdirected with a bit of flattery!!

She has a great ability to persuade you.
lately you're better in everything 🤔
that she does not see you cleaning the house, because she will say that you are the best and then, you cook, iron, clean and always sew.😆
Although I admire your wife, she is very good at achieving what she wants.

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She is, is like she had secret powers!!

well she stroked his ego and used his head.

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She did indeed and it worked!

a hug that spoke of dark deeds in the night.

Ah, a quick lil button for a night of rompity rompity romps seems like a fair trade of mutually beneficial services to me.

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It depends how much, that old sliding scale! ;0)

Bahahahahaha... The manipulative power of the female species. DANCE PUPPET DANCE!!!! Just be careful she doesn’t pull your strings too hard. You don’t want to get injured ya know. Lol

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They do, lead us by the nose on invisible strings!!

Wow! She handed most of the lady's job to you before you even realize it. She was literally praising your ego before this happens. What a good strategy! Upvoted!

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Hehe, it's a fine strategy!

hahahaha she got you good, Boomster. So I guess you can't say, "I know honey pie, I am great at sewing, but you really need to practice, since I am already a Master at it." lol. I guess I will learn these things when I get married. Or just always feign ignorance or incapable. Well except for the cooking bit. lol

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Feign ignorance!! It's the only way to escape!!

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lol I will keep that in mind for the future! haha

@meesterboom I think the good lady handles very well the home spcologia dear friend, tenaga careful not to want to teach Doula work, will not end up taking over that job
Excelnte dear friend reading
I wish you a happy evening

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She does do a good job but certainly isn't above turning things to her advantage!! Cheers @jlufer!

I say again.....The voodoo of women....

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I believe... I believe!!!

Sewing my own clothes when I was still able was indeed a very fulfilling task @meesterboom but having someone to do it for us is much better too you know.

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I would much prefer having someone do it!

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I knows!!

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One-word-responses! (Do hyphens count? or things in parenthesis?)