Bronicles

in #life2 years ago

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It had been over a week since I had started growing a beard.

In that time it had gone from a few timid hairs to a masculine thing of fearsome beauty. I often found myself admiring it in the mirror. I looked like a savage. A wild woodsman. A druid of times past.

All of those things and more.

Its glossy lushness was forever attracting comment.

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Today in work, one of the contractor guys, Wetty, who was working near me came over to my desk.

Hey, what's that?

He pointed at my rugged features.

I ran my fingers sensually through the hairy fog that wreathed my chin.

You mean my beard?

He grunted as if holding in a wet fart.

That's not a beard.

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He appeared to be serious. I wondered if he was ok in the head.

I am afraid you are quite mistaken, Wetty, old chap. It is most certainly a beard.

It is not.

It is.

Mate, my little sister can grown a better beard than that.

I leaned back and stroked my majesty. (not a euphemism, that would hardly be professional, would it?)

Well, Wetty. Tell your sister she has my sympathies.

He scowled, apparently it seemed that only he had dibs on mocking his sister's wolf-like face.

Aye, very good. What's it in aid of anyway?

I gave out a soft whistle through my bristles.

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In aid of? Need it be in aid of anything? I just decided to grow a beard. Us men can do that you know.

Wetty raised a hand self-consciously to his pale and naked face. Something which I, now a veritable Lord of the Beard, was beginning to find increasingly offensive in those men who shaved.

I could grow a better beard than that if I didn't shave for five minutes.

He sniffed defensively.

I ran my thumb along the shaggy wool that sprouted from my cheek.

Would you like to touch it?

I inquired.

What?! No way man, What?

Come on, get over here and give it stroke. You know you want to?

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I tilted my magnificently haired cheek at him and teased him with my unhairy eyes.

He backed up a step.

You're not right.

I slowly got to my feet, Gandalf-like in my beardery.

Come on baby, touch it. Go on...

He made a face as if eating black pudding.

Eew. Beat it.

He turned and started walking away, muttering about men with beards.

Your mind says no but your body says yes!

I called after him.

He made a rude sign over his shoulder and disappeared round a corner.

I settled back in my chair and sighed.

It's not all easy for us handsome bearded men.

Sort:  

Did you spend much time editing that image? Asking for a friend.

Haha, edited, I don't know what you mean!! ;0)

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Ah, I see, just a filter then.

At least 3 more weeks to beard.

Oh nothing so crude as a filter! Much background work and shading and perspective cropping... Then a filter or three :0)

Well, as long as there was no copy-pasting of beards involved ...

LOL, give it few more weeks and it may be approaching...

Your contractor guys seriously have no sense of humour.

We have a habit of employing the worst humoured ones who only smile as they count their gold doubloons ;0D

Hey..! I'm a contractor and I could quite possibly work in a Scottish city in the future.., I'm keeping well away from your beard though... ;)

I knew you were a contractor! :0)

Glasgow has quite the market for it, come, join us!!

I knew you were a contractor!

And I thought the association with contractors was golden doubloon's, not slavering maniac's? ;)

It's a tad far for me to travel, but I might end up there one of these days if there's bugger all in the north west.

We have lots from the north west, some of them are even alright ;0)

Hahahaha. There's some virility and primitive in the beard that makes it look sexy in some men! Not to mention the soft tickling you can do with it, bear man. It can be a powerful weapon! Know how to administer it ;)

Soft tickling, with these harsh bristles!? I could clean a wooden floor with them ;0D

Hmm. We'll have to compare lengths (not a euphemism, that would hardly be professional, would it?) later. I might have to skip my next shave just so I can beat you....

Though I don't quite have that majesty you showed in your title pic.

And Gandalf? Here I was thinking your beard was brown.

My beard is a steely grey with red bits and pale brown bits. Like a diseased old fox.

I think that would be a fine thing, let us see your majesty!!

in a couple of months, you can ask the Good Lady about hair dye to make it all one colour, you will have to wait that long before you will enough to work with. :-)

I love the exaggerated picture. It is turning you into a bearded monster. Don't let them dress you up as Father Christmas though. I was a pirate at mine and looked like a genuine black beard. Now I would be known as the deadly and most feared grey beard.

I have already offered to be Santa, for some reason they weren't that keen...

A pirate would be a fine thing!!

Maybe the women don't want to sit on your lap for some unknown reason.

Ol' Wetty totes deserved that! What made him think he could mock another's beard...and he doesnt even have one! Altho, his poor sister on the other hand...

His poor sister must look like the wolf boy!!

Hehe, he seemed to be mortality offended by it. So do most people right enough!! Lol

Wow, you sent me a photo on discord on Saturday and I could hardly notice your beard, but now...grizzly boom! You just need a bear then you can head to the mountains!

Who needs a bear when every day you live like a wild animal!

Raar!!! :0D

You're starting to look like you can narrate a thousand word epic, J.R.R. BROlkien! My month's worth of fluff didn't come half as luscious as yours currently is. In two weeks time, I bet you could start casting spells with that majestic beardery!

I hate those guys that brag about being able to do something that you've worked hard in achieving. I'd like to say more but I feel like it'll be too over the top.

Brolkien! Magic!! I love it!!

Oh yes, there will be magic alright!! Today it riffled in the wind! I felt a certain pride :0D

Yours was a magnificent mane!!

It truly was, wasn't it? Like the ring that wraps around the regal lion cub!

It was, I was sorry too see the remains lying wistfully on the floor!

For everyone on Steemit, it felt like it came and went. But for me, it stayed. Like a phantom limb, I stroke the air where it once was majestically every time.

And you majestically stroke it too!!

I just did... and the wind moaned back. Is it supposed to do that?

Hahahaha. This is an interesting piece. I can imagine the look on the contractor guys face the next time he sees you. Lol.

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He will tremble in fear of the beard!!! :OD

... you had one eye in the mirror and ... you watched yourself go by

ha ha

Some women do like beards.... shhhhh... don't tell.

I will keep that one close to my chest ;0)

If Wetty can grow a beard as he said, then do it! Let you and Wetty have a competition who can grow the longest beard in the days to come. Upvoted!

Hehe, he probably would beat me. I think I will stay out of the beard growing contests!

So it might be a picometre or so longer than last time? 🤣

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I will say at least two!!

Hehe, I am 50/50!

Hahahahahah! Look at that handsome bearded lion! ;O)

Lol!!! Indeed my good fellow:)

Hehe, I might take him in, give him a home!

You are more than welcomed to give him a home my friend!!! Hehe:)

Do you instinctively know which way the mountains are yet?

Oh yes, it tickles when I point that way!!

I have to admit that it's already looking more beardy than it did on Saturday. But I have some bad news for you - you know women don't like beards, right? Maybe a neat little goatee, but a full on bushy beard, yuk! The only thing less appealing is the man bun, shudder.

What?! What hell is this? I thought women loved beards! I thought it was all animal'y and got their grumpers a grumping!

I will definitely have to rethink things now!

Glad I've given you something to think about ;-)

I am dwelling furiously on it!

haha! sir meesterboom! "a masculine thing of fearsome beauty" ..wow the fearsome part is right! lol. That was freaking hilarious and so is the artwork my gosh what a portrait!

I do suit it, I might hire a beard, then I can place it over mine whilst it ferments! :O)

haha! total madness as usual sir meesterboom!

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