A Mouse Tail

in life •  11 months ago

IMG-PHOTO-ART--106654705_1.jpg

I was making lunch for the family in the kitchen when the little lady popped in.

What are you doing daddy?

Despite it being obvious because I had just asked everyone what they wanted for lunch, I chose not to be rude or to throw something spoon'y in her direction.

151172.jpg

Making lunch lass, remember I just asked you what you wanted?

Oh, yes... Daddy, what's this?

She was old enough to reach the top of the worktops now which meant any number of dangerous items had to be hidden away. It was like playing knife chess with a Grandmaster. As our house was currently baby central it meant that there was still loads of other things within her grasp.

It's a wooden spoon lass. Put it down please

What's this?

It's an apple as well you know.

What's this?

It's a dummy for your brother, put it back.

What's this?

151172_20171126195145135.jpg

It's a... Oh.

I did not expect that one. She stood with what looked to be a white rifle bullet in her hand. It was a tampon. Sans the little mouse tail they normally have right enough but a tampon all the same. Thankfully for the sake of all of our sanities, it was unused. Why the hell couldn't the good lady hide these things away from civilised eyes?

151172_20171126195833136.jpg

It's a... eh... well, it's... a tampon.

There, none of this Victorian values hiding the truth from the children nonsense. I was a modern Dad. If she wanted to know what a tampon was then I would bloody well tell her.

What's a tampon daddy?

It's a thing for eh... Well em, it's like...

Dammit, she had me there. I mean I am all for openness and that but I was a bit stuck. Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound as strange cockney prostitutes in London often shout.

Well darling, when girls get a bit older a thing called puberty happens. It's a normal part of growing up and as a result of that every month they have a thing called a period.

I could feel a prickle of sweat on my neck.

And as a result of that period they bleed a little bit... From their vagina. The tampon helps to catch the blood.

151172_20171126200528868.jpg

I finished my rambling infodump. In my head I was thinking I might have said a bit too much. The little lady was staring at me aghast. Eyes wide open. Slowly they began to fill up with big salty tears. Then her mouth crumpled in an 'O'.

I don't want to bleed from my bajeena! No... NOOOOOOOO!

The good lady materialised from somewhere. I could see from her face I was in trouble.

Daddy, what is going on?

The little lady found this and I was trying my best to explain you know, what it's for?

The good lady snorted like a wild steed. The little lady clung to one of her legs as if to the mast of a ship in a storm, weeping about blood and bajeenas.

That's a glue stick. You use it to glue paper and stuff.

It's a what?

I looked at the little white thing a bit closer.

Oh. Oh shit.

The good lady ushered the little one, still wailing from the Kitchen. Before she left she caught my eye and shook her head.

Arsehole.

She mouthed silently.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

Hey buddy I am very happy today, I just got removed myself from the cheetah ban. Now you can upvote my original content. Thanx for supporting me in tough time.

·

Oh that's fantastic! I knew you would be cleared!

·
·

Yup buddy but first you voted me with some vote and then removed it , I saw it in steemnow. Can I ask what was wrong with the post or you were thinking I was a plagiarist. Tell me frankly buddy, that really hurt me at that time. I thought you to be one of my closest friends.

·
·
·

Sorry dude. I saw the cheetah and thought oh dear, what's happening. Then I spoke to you and you said you were under review. It sounds harsh but I thought I would wait till the outcome of the review before voting for you

BWAHAHAHA!!!

I've had trouble replying because my keyboard was doused from the drink I spilled on it when I read your hook! When will I ever learn!? On one hand, the keyboard got cleaned, on the other, it took quite a while to dry. Thankfully, it was just water.

When is a tampon not a tampon? Apparently, when it's a glue stick haha! You're a really brave father trying to explain that, Daddy-O! Fortunately, she's either too young to remember everything or you may just scarred her for life. Either way, it doesn't hurt your Father of the Year campaign!

·

Keyboard cleaning is my middle name! I never thought she might be too young to remember. It is now my fervent hope that she is. She hadn't mentioned it since which either means it is deep rooted horror or its forgotten!

·
·

Those certain things tend to crop up during teenage years or young adulthood. Aghast!!! Are we seeing the fulfillment of my prophecy unfolding!? :O Could tampons be the spark that ignites a tyrannical rule that will last centuries!?

hahaha.. you are a master. I really enjoy your work. This all needs to be collected and printed in a book. Awesome material... I think steemit does it, makes one disciplined to work every day...and things start becoming greater with each day... ;) you do put that in a book!

·

Cheers man. Ha, that is a great way of putting it. If I ever get these in a book them that line and a credit is going in to you!

It's a good thing you're not female, and need to use those things. That could present quite a "sticky" situation. Right up there with confusing the superglue with the hemorrhoid cream.

·

That is one mistake that no-one ever wishes to make!! Lol

Arsehole.

Trouduc.

[abbreviation of "trou du cul"]

·

Every day is a learning day! I will store that one away :0)

·
·

rofl :D

And as a result of that period they bleed a little bit... From their vagina.

I new she was going to cry.

What a way of putting it for a child. Women are so great in that.

Well darling, when girls get a bit older a thing called puberty happens. It's a normal part of growing up and as a result of that every month they have a thing called a period.

Thanks for another laughable day.

@seyiodus.

·

Haha, you are welcome. I am obviously training for a job in the diplomatic service :0D

·
·
·
·
·

Ha, of yes, I am sure

Mr. Meesterboom you are the best of the best when it comes to telling a story. I seem to have missed this one do not know how.

·

It was quite a good one wasn't it!! :0)

OMG, the glue stick - HAHAHAHAHA! Sore tummy or not, this totally cracked me up!

·

Hehe, I am awfully glad you liked it!

You better leave the birds and the bees talk for much later...I was expecting a mouse not that talk. Good grief man! ROFL The things that happen when we have wee ones in the house...

·

I know, things can just get away with themselves!! :0D

! ha, ha, ha! What situation dear friend? Sometimes you wonder if it is better to tell the truth or give a little lie, especially in children who are very curious, often with the truth you get into every mess, if we had all the answers, life would not be fun.
Excellent work as always dear friend @meesterboom
I wish you a prosperous week

·

You do wonder that! I think in future I might be tempted to tell a little lie!

Oh, my, I expected a mouse in the kitchen but your finding was equally hard to deal with!

·

I would have much preferred a mouse!

Oh my Really, what an arse**** haha :)

·

I know! It's because it was one of those little ones that comes free with a magazine. Looked exactly like one!

Thankfully your wife has better eyes and didn't think the same and try and use it "OUCH" lol :)

·

Ouch and a half!

·
·

Why did I write a new reply, stupid moo I am lol

·
·
·

Lol, you had me confused too!

·
·
·
·

That wouldn't take much :0

·
·
·
·
·

Who? Oops, confused again :o)

·
·
·
·
·
·

As i said doesnt take much :0

·
·
·
·
·
·
·

Lol! That's hilarious. Plus maybe it's time for new glasses?

On the plus side, it wasn't an unwrapped condom!

·

An unwrapped condom would have been awful. It would have ended up as a shiny bauble on the Christmas tree no doubt!

This might be your best story yet! Snorfle.

·

Hehe, Cheers lass! It fair cracked me up afterward :0D

Oh dear, the old glue stick with a tail thingy. A real SLAP4.0 there. Thanks for the Sunday mirth at your somewhat expense. Classic tale indeed only the Meester could play out. (Good thing you didn't mention the joy of the whole thing going on for the next 40+ years...you might be sleeping out in the bamboo).

·

Lol! Can you imagine if I had laid it all on her. I would be in serious doodoo!!

That's a really great story. Did you make that picture yourself because if so that's some excellent work.

·

Cheers! I can't take all the credit. I used clip art mice and then various filters to achieve a cartoon effect. :0)

Bahahahhahahahahahahhahahaaa that's freaking hilarious XD Lesson in looking properly/carefully next time?

Also I don't know why but watching people getting all squeamish about having to explain puberty and all the fun that comes with it terribly amusing XP

goatsig

·

I used to find it terribly amusing too! Now the boot is on the other foot for me. Sigh

·
·

Hm I must have forgotten to change the boot then, or maybe my problem is I generally forego boots unless walking around my neighbourhood (due to drongos constantly dropping bottles) or in the bush (because sneks) XD

goatsig

·
·
·

Hehe sneks! I have never seen it word like that but instantly I'vye what it was

Rofl xD awkward there but a nice father

·

Hehe, it was a bit awkward!

You and your daughter are having fun. She is a smart lady with free mind, wants to know everything

·

She is indeed very smart. I love that about her

·
·

You are great dad

·
·
·

I am not bad at it lol

O this made me laugh and made me think of the time my daughter were in primary school and out of the blue while watching a sitcom she asked "What is a BJ" O did I enjoy seeing my husband squirm for a while and then also being an open parent got the "Eeeeeeeuw" after I told her

·

Ah lol!! There is something to be said to the open parenting but it can be awkward!

·
·

Yes, but it sure does make for great stories

At times, the innocent inquisition of a child can feel a bit like being held at gunpoint. Well told, as always.

·

Very like gunpoint! It can be fraught!

hahahahaha you had me crackin up at the end man. A well put big ohhhh shit there!
Must be the sleepless nights, or your glasses are getting worn off :P

·

I think it's a magical combination of all of the above!!!

i'll say... well, it's like mummy's diaper. 😎

·

Ah see, that's clever! I will remember that!

This title caught my ole eye! I was expecting a mouse in the kitchen! Little did I know! haha

I recall my siblings using a term very similar to "bajeena"!

·

Hehe, I thought the title might give the wrong impression. It's actually quite cute when she says it. Except when she is crying for future bleeding lol!

·
·

And that she will be!! haha

Be glad you don't have lady parts if your mixing up Tampons and glue😂

·

Haha, yes that is very true!

"Arsehole," I was like 8 or 9 before I realized that wasn't actually my Dad's real name.

·

Haha! Oh man, it will probably be the same for me. Oh noes!!

It is beautiful in style and you can style it very beautifully

·

I can and I will!

·
·

Okay boss you can. I'll follow you. You always have real heroes

·
·
·

We should always have real heroes :0)

·
·
·
·

You have actually said that I made you my boss. You are a real man. You can do a lot of things because you love me so much. Thank you. I did not think of the life of my reply. You will give me my opinion.

·
·
·
·
·

There are many roads and some which vibe without Weavers. This are the ones that I say you to you

·
·
·
·
·
·

I can not tell you anything other than real heroes. You really are a real hero

Oh!! Nice story. liked it. upvote @meesterboom