A Man Thing

A thing has happened. A terrible thing. I have been presented with a most difficult challenge. One which I have faced before and I am afraid to report has gone badly almost every time.

But what is this thing?

There I am, doing the do in work as they say when it happened.

Mr D, one of the chaps in work sauntered over. He picked at an imaginary piece of fluff on his shirt.

Alright boomdog he said, a little too casually.

Not bad mate, glad it's Friday

There was a pregnant pause. The air hung, oppressively heavy. I could almost swear I heard the lonely howl of a wolf.

Mr D stared at me, the tension was palpable. What was it? I wondered. Is the sky falling down?

Few of us going out after work, he murmured as if surreptitiously buying a vibrating sex toy. Fancy it? Just a couple of quiet beers, nothing mental.

I hummed like a slightly defective gazoo. To say I was sceptical would be putting it mildly indeed.

Just a couple, aye?

Aye! Just one or two, you know... Nothing mental.

Yer arse I thought. I had danced this dance one too many times. Just a couple led to me coming home at two in the morning clutching a pizza like a life belt and falling asleep on the couch smelling of donkeys and stale beer.

And this, this is the man thing.

Is it possible to go for just two drinks after work?

Is it a Scottish affliction that two drinks so often turns to ten?

I looked back at Mr D. Definitely a bad idea. But then, bad boom chimed in my thoughts.

Hey, You're a a grown man. You can manage just a couple. Can't you?

Somehow I found myself nodding and just like that my fate was sealed. It will be cool. I can have one or two then get the train. I told myself. The good lady won't mind. I will just be an extra hour or so max.

Hey chick! Gonna pop out for a beer after work with a couple of the guys, that's cool aint it?

Of course darling she will reply sweetly. Of course, if you roll in at midnight stinking of booze mumbling something about someone called Ralphie, I will fucking kill you. You understand?

Thats my girl you see. She knows how the game is played.

She knows that one of my many superpowers is the inability to withstand peer pressure. In fact, worse than that. Two sniffs of the barmaids apron and I am often the one instigating that we stay out for just one more

However. As bad boom muttered in my head. I am a grown man. Surely this once I can keep a leash on the howling dawg inside me. Two beers? That can't be so hard? Can it?

So long as I can remember...

When the cry goes up to buy shots, especially tequila - politely refuse.

And also to avoid

Drinking a bath tub full of beer and countless spirits and rolling home smashed at 4AM.

Am I daft? Can I beat the man thing and actually go out, be sensible and go home for a reasonable time?

Or will I forlornly be sleeping on the couch? As long as I do not ride a donkey home like that time in Gibraltar I will be fine.

Wish me luck!!

Have a good weekend SteemDogs!