A Hard Life

in #life4 years ago

IMG-PHOTO-ART-543363585.jpg

Ey up lad. You look a bit glum?

The Bear-Man looked at me inquisitively as if I had little nubby horns sticking out of my head.

Who me? Nah, I'm fucking magic.

I lied with debonair abandon.

I was not fucking magic. I was fucking rough. I had been to the pub for a leaving do for one of my colleagues last night and it had all gotten a bit out of hand.

As such, I was literally like one of the living dead today.

I was amazed I had even managed to find the beer shop.

You don't look fuckin magic. You look like a badger's arse.

Said the Bear-Man with a frown.

I opened my mouth so as not to impede the witty retort that was no doubt about to leap out but nothing came, leaving me gaping like a fish that had gotten jammed up a mermaid's arse.

Look at that face...

The Bear-Man chortled, rubbing his belly as if I were a hot curry just served up to him.

I know what you need, oh yes I do.

I swayed slightly. I think at this point I normally fretted that the Bear-Man would start clubbing me with his pork truncheon. Oh well, I didn't have the strength to fight him off. I closed my eyes and hoped it would be quick.

Erectile Dysfunction! That's what you need!

The Bear-Man crowed excitedly.

I opened my eyes and gazed at him as if he had truly and utterly gone bonkers mental.

I beg your pardon?

I said stiffly.

Erectile Dysfunction, I'm telling you. That would sort you right out.

I shook my head. How the fuck would being cursed with a limp penis help me out? I couldn't think of anything that would help me less.

I don't think it's something that you can pass on.

I said primly, mentally gathering up my skirts and preparing to flounce out of the shop.

Ah beg to differ.

The Bear-Man grinned and rubbed his hands together as if rolling out clay into a soft penis shape.

What the fuck was going on. Was he going to curse me? Maybe I had been watching to much Witcher. Maybe I was still drunk from the night before?

I glanced nervously at the door. It wasn't so far. Maybe I should make a run for it before I was cursed with flaccid penisery?

Shit, the Good Lady would go nuts if I came into the bedroom swinging my lad about like an old wet skipping rope.

I tensed my legs, ready to run.

And ere you have it! Reptile Dysfunction. It's got chillies in it. I told you, it would sort you right out.

The Bear-Man passed over a gaudily painted can of beer.

I turned it over in my hands. Reptile Dysfunction. Ha, tres amusing. I felt vaguely relieved that I wouldn't have to return home with a beanbag for a penis as it was actually a beer not a curse that was being thrown my way.

Aye go on. I'll take it.

Sort:  

'Made from real snake juice'..., tomorrow's review is gonna be fun!

Real snake juice, lol. It does sound a bit nuts!!

Wonder if it tastes like this stuff?

HAHAHA!!!! Well, I can but hope!!!

Ah Natural Born Killers, talk about a love story for the ages!

Reptile Dysfunction... beer for humans.. but you should see what happens when you let the iguana drink it !tip

Heh heh, I will be seeing shortly!!

Oh, Boom!! I don't know what to say, but trouncing would have been a delightful show. I'm sure I speak for the Good Lady when I say, all is best when it doesnt lose its zest.

Cheers!

!tip

The zest must be maintained! The proof of pudding will be tonight. The hour approaches!!

You know, we'll be all waiting to hear! We live for this stuff!

On the one hand you really should know when he's talking like that, there's a weird beer coming. I mean I only know him purely from your comedic point of view and I know this XD But never mind it's much funnier this way XD

And

mentally gathering up my skirts and preparing to flounce out of the shop.

my diaphragm hurts so much right now XD

I do like a good flounce!!!

He does like to come or with the whackiest beers, I like it but always pretend to be startled and subsequently ham it up here! :0D

Hey even if it tastes like piss, its better than a limp biscuit! lol

Hey even if it
Tastes like piss, its better than
A limp biscuit! lol

                 - old-guy-photos


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

I can wholeheartedly agree with that!! So here's hoping it tastes magic and has no side effects!! Lol

hmm, Not sure about drinking the snake juice Boomy..... sounds like the sort of thing you would do as a student for a cheese toasty and clean socks.

I am the eternal student despite thiae days being so long ago. That idea just makes me keener!!

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