This Little Life Of Mine - Unseen Bruising
Tuesday, 9th January 2018.
It's Fucking lucky there is a Costa right next to the exit of the car park.
Just really Fucking lucky.
Apparently, the Health & Safety wanker is on site today. I sense a few "telling offs".
Aww, fuck 'em.
Lovely. Work secured for Saturday. A lucrative week.
Exactly what is needed.
This makes me happy. I sense a mini "celebration" perhaps.
I went out to lunch, amongst the scum, to find a nice sit-down breakfast.
On this count, I came up with nothing. I did, however, come across a very nice pint of Guinness in a pub called The Fig Tree. Three pounds, twenty-five pence is a very sensible price.
For the sake of variety, we will be heading back into town after this Little stint around the edges. St.James's, Piccadilly. Back on the big train. Back to the unknown. Back to where my soul is. Lost in a drunken stupor, in the back of a dank drinking hole.
Right. I'm calling it.
Louis rung me at 09.30 this morning. Distraught. He hadn't charged his phone and had over-slept. As usual, he was expecting me to lose my shit with him. It shows you how my previous "married" self would have reacted. I told him to go in for the break, at eleven and rang the school.
It's going to take a good few years for him to see me as I am now. Yet again, the "unseen" bruising of a toxic relationship rears its ugly head!
Aaahhh. And relax. I've just been into Staines with Louis. I managed to convince him to finally put his massive wad of cash into his account. Job well done by me, I say. To celebrate I took him to Nostrano for a pink lemonade. Obviously, I had a pint of lager.
Now I just need to sleep enough to get on the train by 05.38.
Wednesday, 10th January 2018.
I like it when the train is waiting at the station so you can sit on it to wait for its departure. It's cold and wet and too fucking early to be honest.
The journey to Waterloo is always a voyage of mixed emotion. Thinking of everything. Good. Bad. Painful. Emotional.......that's it really. That's my full emotional range! Airing on the side of suffering and being hard done by.
"You’ve been bought and paid
You’re a whore and a slave
You're a dark star, holy shrine
Come taste the end, you’re mine."
"That shatters when it falls."
I feel restricted. Censored. Unable to say what I please for fear of reprisal or explanation. I never wanted to be in that situation. Open book. Every thought. Every sick, twisted, indignant, childlike, soul-baring, Ludicrously eye-opening truth.
Stripped back. Naked for all to see............
"Travelling the line. Stopping all the time. You think you're kind behind the words you say that bind. Everything to you."
Finally, A site not to complain about. The security guys were happy and nice. And look at this:
The usual standing around and smoking ensued. We had a wander up to Smeg. We cabled it last year. If I was gonna buy a drinks fridge............
Time for a crap lunch. You can't win them all, I suppose.
I did find a five-pound win scratchcard in my parka pocket. I traded it in for another and won fifteen! Nicey.
Yet another fag break.
Pretty dull but as I'm always in search of any form of amusement, I did spot these little doodles in the site lift.
The rest of my work chums opted to get a lift with the guys daughter this morning. I can't imagine how long it's going to take to get out on the M40. For me, it's a doddle!
In fact, I'm already on the Reading train. Waiting to leave. As random as life is, whilst typing this, this song came on. Seeing as they are on the Westway.......