The next time you sit with yourself think about what being a "promoter" involves. You are now tossing out willy nilly comments as a "freedom fighter" with your pocketful of rehearsed negatives...."The whole educational system is an indoctrination camp." 100% negative right? That may be the truth but I wince when I hear you say that.
The negative ALWAYS comes back to PRESS in on you. You need to find a way to be the natural "promoter" that you are, if that's how you chose to continue, that allows you to step into finding your genuine smile again. Here's a little magic to help you do that if you chose. It comes from a lecture on life and mediation that I had attended, from the famous magician, David Copperfield.
"Make the difficult, habit.
The habit, easy.
And the easy, beautiful."

I have every faith in you. That's all you have to do.
As ever, M