RE: Dr. The Leaping Koala_ my journey in life # 13_ To do or not to do. That is the problem!
I can relate to your post on a personal level. A close relative of mine never has a good word to say about anything. Whatever we do for them is wrong and nothing ever goes right for them. Their worldview is that everything is always against them. To me, they are like a human black hole. Sucking in everyone's positive energy and self-belief and never giving anything back. They are exhausting to be around.
I learned long ago to basically ignore them. Do what is necessary to make sure they are comfortable and cared for but not to engage on an emotional level. It may seem harsh but it is more of a self-survival technique otherwise one would end up being sucked into their world of self-loathing and denial.
I totally agree with you that one must do what is best for oneself. Applying the criteria you have and resisting the negative programming as you do is a very positive step. I'm sure it will become easier the more you engage with this technique and your brain becomes 'rewired' in a more constructive way.
Till next time, take care.
Dear @maninayton,
It is good to hear from you again. Many thanks for the comment and the kind encouragement.
you description of such people
is exactly what comes to my mind when dealing with them. After I came to Canada and it was time to go back for the "obligatory" family visit, an image of a huge black hole on top of the family house is all that comes to my mind. With every visit, I was so frightened that I will be sucked into that black hole never to appear again.
As for
I agree with you that it may seem harsh to some people who don't understand it or to the black hole people themselves, but it is not harsh at all.
When I decided to never go back to that black hole, I was constantly attacked by my mother for being selfish, cold hearted and shameful. At first, I suffered from those words and believed that I was selfish, but I still wouldn't bring myself to go back to that place ever again. I kept repeating to myself " if that is selfish, so be it. I want to be selfish for once in my life and protect ME from those non-selfish people"
Till next time...
You take care as well :D