RE: Death: How prepared are you?
You weren't kidding when you said you were working on a more serious post, were you? :)
This is actually a cautionary tale for many; it's the kind of thing that people put off for a bunch of different reasons, but probably because they don't want to think of their mortality. Of course Brian and I have ours done, but we did it before he got sick because we both have past spouses and our wills needed to be changed. I know of a family where the parents died, leaving no will, and it was a mess for years. I figured when the time comes, my death (and yes, I'm assuming Brian will go first) will be difficult enough for my kids and family, and they should be able to focus on grieving and not paperwork and lawyers. It's the least we can do for our loved ones.
It’s a difficult time when someone passes on and anything that can be done prior to make it easier is preferable in my opinion. I am heading to the funeral home on Monday to discuss some options for my (still living) dad. He’s 82 and suffers with dementia and when he goes I don’t want to have the added burden of the funeral preparation to contend with. He has a Will fortunately.
It’s just a difficult time. I’ve lost grandparents and friends but prior to my mum dying I’d never had to deal with the legal aftermath of a death. I’m not looking forward to my dad going and shudder to think what it would be like if my wife went before me. It must be such a terrible time.
I meant to also say how sorry I was for you, that you weren't there when your mom passed. When Brian's father was in a home, and basically starving to death, all of the kids and their spouses visited him one day. He'd had numerous strokes and was unable to talk, and eat...he had been living on this horrible lemon protein pudding, which he let dribble out of his mouth when I tried to feed him. His favourite drink had been rum and coke, so Brian and I decided to make the visit a memorable one and "sneak" some in.) His sister, the rule follower was beside herself, but we said, what are they going to do? Kick him out? :) I proceeded to spoon feed him the drink, and not a drop was dribbled! He enjoyed it so much, laughing and smiling. When the siblings were all talking amongst themselves, I saw him watching them and smiling and I said, "Life is complete when you see your family so happy, isn't it?". He smiled again, gave me the thumbs up and wiped away some tears. We left that night with the plan to all return the next day, but he died that evening instead. I think that the right time for someone literally on their death bed, is just that...the right time for them, and not the right time for us. Don't be so hard on yourself about it all; I'm sure your mother knew you were all there and she also knew that it was her right time to go. As a mom, I also know that I would hate to see my child tormented by something completely out of their control.