How to Gracefully Critique
The success or failure of a critique lies in the temperament that we use. People can tell if you are sincere and looking to help them, or if your motives are personal.
At our core, we do not enjoy being critiqued - we have mental defenses we construct to protect ourselves. This is for good reason as some folks are aching for the opportunity to "give us a piece of their mind," or "let me tell you how I see it." If we are honest, we want our voice to be heard as well. The environment we are around often creates our criticisms more easily than we imagine. How then are we to know what to do?
We will go over 7 essentials for a helpful critique. These are guidelines for leading others to see the errors of their ways, and doing so in a way that influences them to listen instead of shutting down.
1- Criticism Ought to Be Done in Private.
We have all had some experience with public criticism. Whether this is from a boss, friends, or family, the feelings of embarrassment don't go away easily. The first step is not to reciprocate that feeling towards the person, but to take them in private and deal with the issue. You both benefit from this act of integrity.
2- Praise Sandwich.
This is one of my favorites. The intriguing item to me is even when folks know you are using a praise sandwich, they still respond in a positive way. They are more likely to change their habits when using a praise sandwich, instead of just a criticism.
3- Make Certain to Critique the Act and Not the Person.
Attacking an individual with our words is a sure fire way to keep them from listening to us. Who enjoys being reprimanded personally? The results we are seeking from those we influence have to stem from a decision they make. They won't make that decision to trust us if they know more personal criticism awaits them.
4- Provide an Out.
My grandmother is a professional at this skill. Her gift is allowing people to choose while providing them a wise answer through a story. I cannot count the number of times she has used this with me. When we discuss an item of concern, or I am asking for advice, she will tell me about another person in her life that is working through something similar, and what decision they made. The onus is not on me, and yet it is. She tells the story which leads me to relate to the character, and make my own decision based on what is wise for me.
5- Ask for Their Cooperation, Don't Force Them.
How many of us respond better to a question than a demand? The fact is, we all do. When someone asks us a question, they are asking our opinion on the matter. When they ask for our cooperation, we are more acquiescent to their request than if they told us to comply.
6- Only Criticize Once.
If you want to lose friends and infuriate people, then go ahead and let lose when you are criticizing them - it will be your last chance anyway.
7- Finish on a Positive Note.
Critiquing people well is all about leading - the responsibility is yours to end the critique gracefully. You are approaching someone as a friend such as, "Let's do this together," not "now get on the ball you scallywag." The gift of critiquing people well, is a loyal friend. Open rebuke is better than hidden love.
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Hi @lydon.sipe, I just stopped back to let you know your post was one of my favourite reads yesterday and I included it in my Steemit Ramble. You can read what I wrote about your post here.
Thank you my friend! I was in the midst of reading through some of the articles you mentioned actually. :)
so, you're telling me great minds think alike and we're great? :)
Precisely. :)
much wisdom here, lydon - you are showing different sides of your talent each time I visit your blog. This is a valuable post, especially appropriate for steemit
Thank you John. Like you, I have a plethora of interests and enjoy writing about them. :)