To My Beloved Son, Adam # Autism World

Dear my son,

Yesterday I was on steemit when I got a phone call from the school's nurse saying that you've been crying for almost an hour. They said, don't know why and you seemed okay meaning not sick or anything like that. So, I went and picked you up.
When we got home, I checked your lunch box. Gosh, that's why you were crying, because you only ate a few bites.

I dropped to my knee, and said I'm so sorry sweetheart! You were hungry! But you couldn't say it..
It was my fault, I misplaced your favorite beef in daddy's lunch box the night before. I didn't know where my mind was? Even though I packed you some back up lunch but that wasn't what you expected and wasn't your favorite either. You were so happy after I fed you, your energy was back just like a fully charged energizer battery.

I told you that I owe you a treat because of my mistake, so I brought you to the mall. Riding your favorite things, Escalator and Elevator. You didn't know I was tearful behind you, didn't even care to the people around. Watching you jumping and screaming and so happy. So easy to make you happy sweetheart, just a trip to the Mall and a bowl of homemade noodle soup with some homemade beef balls. But that word Easy actually made your mom Worry because Life actually is NOT that EASY sweetheart.

I swear to GOD, I hate AUTISM. But I am so proud of you and dearly love you. You are the world to me!

You are so tired from running the whole mall this afternoon and you are finally slept. Looking at you sleeping, it's so zen, peaceful and you look so normal with nothing wrong. You look so handsome and so innocent, I see your grandma in you.
It reminds me of how tough she was. Fighting with her hardship, being a single mom, wouldn't break her spirit to took care of us. I wish she is here, so she can say her magic words to you just like she did to me when I was bleeding from falling down from a tree.

You are a fighter too just like your grandma. You are coping with your own struggles by yourself with no words coming out, how tough you are! Can't imagine you want something but you can't say it, you need help but no one understands it.

I'm so sorry sweetheart ....
I wish everything is different, so you will understand how beautiful life is ...
Or at least you realize that everyone in the world is fighting, fight for their own destiny and their own future!

I sometimes feel so useless sweetheart, what is my life for? You didn't even understand that I am your mom..
Please, wake up! Leave your own world! Please, look at me and say that you love me.

It will always be in my mind sweetheart that one day I was crying and you noticed my tears were coming down. You wiped it!
There, I feel your love! I still feel it, until now.

I'm sorry sweetheart, you've been through a lot. But one thing and the only thing you have to realize and understand is that I'll always be here, with all my heart, my love and my soul.

Love You.