Thank you @anouk.nox is very much appreciated! I just needed to vent, and yes you are exactly right. I made the mistake of scrolling through Facebook (not thinking) and STILL saw messages offering sympathy, even now with the knowledge of who he was etc. I guess it was mainly for my nan.. she obviously never asked for any of this, which I get, but there's still a lot of uncertainty, but I give up trying to rationalize with myself, and just continue being the best I can be and know that myself and others are safe.
Thank you for stopping by, and I agree with you about writing. I hope you find peace very soon, best wishes and hugs to you!