What my Best Friend Left Behind when she Died.
It is nearing the 2 year mark since my best friend died and it has me thinking about her a lot.
It is a bit different than when I remembered her right after it happened or when it hit 1 year since she passed. Now, I have had time to process a bit and also to notice all of the lessons and wisdom she left behind. Though she is gone I still have so much of her in my life.
Every time I make my vegetable broth from scratch for my soups I think of Befnie. She taught me to save all my scraps so that I can make a broth out of them. I will forever have more flavorful soups thanks to my friend. I also can't help but remember all the times she cooked her friends big pots of soup when I am making that broth. It is a fond memory.
Befnie never had a bad word to say about anyone. Even when she was fighting with them. I can remember very seldom times she said anything negative about a person. She showered her friends with compliments even when they weren't there to hear them. After she passed I got close to some of her other close friends and they all told me how she called me her soul sister and shared nothing but the most positive, loving stories about me.
There was one bit of advice she gave me that also sticks with me. We were talking about how we need to be nicer to ourselves and she told me whenever I was thinking about myself to use a filter of "Would I say this to Befnie?" and it really got me to see how badly I was treating myself. I will never forget that advice even if I slip up and need to be reminded over and over again.
I now blow bubbles constantly. She was always blowing bubbles. There were also videos of her at 26 rolling down a giant grass hill. She didn't care what people thought and she was determined to live with child-like wonder and a sense of fun. So, she has helped me to enjoy myself in a pure way more often and taught me to embrace my silliness.
She taught me how much love I have inside of me. Losing her made me realize what it feels like to lose the love of your life but it also made me realize how much love was there in the first place. I now try to cherish all my friends in a much more honest, generous way. I don't hide my feelings and I try to make sure they know they are loved.
Befnie and I
Befnie made me realize that you can have family without blood. Although we did become "blood" sisters in that way where you prick your finger and have a childlish ritual. haha Seriously though, we called each other sisters and we considered each other family. We bathed together, we cuddled in our sleep. We were always there for each other. She was family. She was a family to someone who never had family. I had nothing but abuse and she taught me I could have family and that I deserved family.
I think I am crying too heavily to keep writing but there are so many lessons and so much that she left behind with me. No matter how much it hurts to have lost her I will never regret knowing her and would do it all over again.
Sorry for your loss. Your people in your life who passes leaves little parts of them with you. The memory pops in your head and makes you smile. When you make something they taught you to do they are with you. People effect our lives so much that sometimes the memories hurt and sometimes they make you smile.
Cute picture with your friend!
Thanks for sharing something that hard! I was getting choked up a little. Stay Strong...
Thank you. I am being strong but I won't try to forget even if it hurts. Facing feelings is strong. :)
Tiffany died when I was 18. Blake died when I was 25 back in 2010. It is sad when people die. It can be very good to remember them. I love your photos here. Full of life.
Sorry for your losses. :(
Mourning is learning to breath without oxygen again. People have a great way of filling out lives with what we need to survive, some call it love. Love a compound of oxygen one only notices is there when it dies. Thanks for sharing! Sending another Virtual hug your way!
<3 hug
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend five years ago, I knew him my whole life and it's till devastating sometimes. But I believe he's out there anyway and I still talk to him. :)
It doesn't help that I am super atheist so I don't believe that. It hurts. Is it easier at five years than 2? Because after writing this blog I realize I am still a total mess. :'(
So sorry you lost your best friend but glad you still talk to him. <3
I think it took me a few years to accept it. I guess it's easier, yeah. I talk to him when I know he would be proud of me for something. Like "hey, i did a thing!!" .
<3 It took me about a year to accept it but it was a year of OBSESSING and I only stopped because my physically disease flared up from stress. It still hasn't changed so now I am all disabled so I have to force myself not to like obsessively watch videos her and question why she had to die. hehe
That is really sweet and wholesome. I guess I talk to Beffy in that way too even if I don't think she can necessarily hear me. I wear her ashes around my neck and have definitely talked to her. <3
I think whatever works to deal with it, just do that and you'll get there. it just happens in its own way. I couldn't even think about him for a year or so after he died, it was a critical time in my life and i couldnt even think he was really gone for ages. I was due to see him 2 weeks after he died, we lived in different countries. but wasn't to be.
This is one of the reasons I don't feel like we really lose people. They stay with us and help us grow, even the heartbreaking lessons that we think break us beyond repair. Thanks for sharing.
I would still prefer she was with me in a 3-dimensional way but she will definitely be with me forever. is still crying You are right, they help us grow even after they die.
This is so unfair. I hope you feel a little better after your post's sharing! You deserve it, you have to remind yourself that your friend would like your be smile even in the worst moments, when she is are not with you.
sorry for your loss.
Nice badges,