If Grief Comes Knocking, Answer the Door.

in life •  last year

Today, for the first time in many months I got knocked down with a Tsunami of grief, out of nowhere.

I was browing facebook when I saw my friend's profile listed as a "mutual friend" and I clicked. It is coming up on two years since my best friend died and initially I was destroyed and being the person I am I really lost myself in the grief. When I love I love hard and with everything I've got and losing Beffy hit me harder than anything in my life.

That being said, after a year of heavy grieving and the stress causing my physical diseases to get so bad they crippled me I learned to move on. I started to go days, weeks, and then months without even crying. So, today when that grief welled up I just exploded in tears. I cried, sobbed, wailed, let it be as ugly as possible. I yearned for my lost love and I soaked myself in it but...not for hours. I didn't watch her videos or read all her posts like I would have a year ago. I gave the grief the time of day for a solid 10 minutes and then I got back to my day, my life.

While I absolutely think it is important to give your grief acknowledgement and really feel your emotions without turning away from them I also believe there is a fine line between accepting grief and dwelling in it. Don't get stuck in the grief. Don't let it take you back to the point where your life was consumed and try to end the experience with some positive thoughts about your loved one. Try not to always end the grief on a sad note. Remind yourself of the love you had and, if you can, smile.

If you don't let grief in the front door it will sneak it's way into every other opening.

Me and my beautiful friend in another life.

The alternative to facing your feelings is much worse trust me. The grief won't just dissipate without you seeing it. The progressing will be far more insidious if you ignore it and before you know it you will be throwing pots of ramen violently into the sink and then collapsing on the floor sobbing about how you over-cooked it. You will break down, you will explode in anger, and you will have no control over these outbursts and that is because all that grief needs to be let out and it will find a way. It is healthier to simply let it in and deal with it.

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You are a very wise and strong girl! Everything will be fine, my dear! Take care of yourself, your wisdom and love is necessary for this world!

Truer words were never said. When I lost my Mother I skipped properly grieving. I ccan never get that back, but it catches up with me sometimes.

"Time heals all wounds" is bullshit. We've got to come to terms with those wounds and accept that they're a part of us.

Glad to hear you're doing better and getting stronger.


It is definitely utter bullshit. haha


All wounds leave scars would be my aphorism.....

It will be 10 years in April since he pasted; my best friends father. It will be two weeks on Wednesday, since my brothers friend took his own life. It isn't every day that I mourn their death. It is in the unexpected surprise of every day life. Random moments remind me of them. Reminds me of the fact that we aren't together anymore. Life and people continue, but their memory never fads nor the love we feel for them. Thanks for sharing!