There really is a difference once you decide to get sober for your own reasons rather than being pushed to get sober.
The past 3 days I have been mostly unable to get out of bed due to pain related to my disease. Usually I would cope by drinking because even though alcohol makes the pain worse the following day it makes it go away for hours while I am drinking which was so tempting in the past that I kept falling back off the wagon when I was in pain.
This time though I was in so much pain I was literally crying and in bed for 3 days I clutched my hand-made 7 day -I am on day 10 now- sobriety chip and held strong. I reminded myself I have a doctor now and treatment will start soon and diet is the most important factor of healing this disease so even though I am in more pain now than when I coped by drinking it will end up leading to a healed bladder.
I also fought major urges being as every damn show I decided to binge on Netflix to stay sane seemed to involve constant drinking in a way that made it look fun. There is always booze in my apartment because of my roommate but still I stay away and drank my herbal tea and filtered water.
I feel like this time is definitely it. I am SO invested in healing my bladder that I know I have to not drink at all, ever. And I am not slipping up with the rest of my diet either. No acidic foods like tomato or most fruits, no processed foods, no msg, no coffee, no tea with caffeine. I am serious.
However, I don't imagine I will be capable of blogging much in this state being as I still also have to try to work enough to get by without the ability to work a normal job which means a lot of mturking and usertesting, most days I spend mainly in bed. I will be updating on my health and if I feel compelled to HAVE to share something cool I will and, of course, I will share any art I make but until I get some relief from this pain I will be on bed rest a lot.