How to take accountability for your actions in order to be a better person to those around you.
We all have lot of growing to do.
But it can be hard to admit our flaws. It is much easier to blindly continue in our old ways. However admitting our flaws is crucial to us growing as a person. For example I am incredibly defensive. I acknowledge this and am now able to start working on it and keeping myself in check. There is not a person alive who does not have some character flaw that they need to work on. Be it a bad temper, lying, being entirely closed off, being unempathetic. There is obviously an endless list of possible character flaws a person may posses.
Admitting fault is essential for growth as a person.
How to pin-point your flaws.
Is there something negative that all of your friends are saying about you?
Either you have some crappy friends and need to ditch them or you need to really analyze yourself and find out if there is any truth to what they are saying. If you are hearing the same things over and over from different loved ones the chances are there is truth to it. So stop resisting and fighting and changing the subject and just acknowledge whatever it is and start working on improving yourself.
"But how do I improve this part of my personality?"
That entirely depends on what it is that needs work. Seeking a therapist/professional/support group may be of help. Especially if your issue stems from past trauma and/or unresolved feelings/resentment. You can also get some books on psychology and read up on your problem. If it is something less complex like, maybe you are always late? Well, then just start setting reminders/alarms and not setting plans you don't intend to keep. Are you getting hammered every time you go out with friends and making them uncomfortable? Well, figure out if you have a drinking problem. If so, get help. If not, control yourself so you are not making those around you uncomfortable. I could list examples for months, clearly, but the point is whatever it is you are doing there is some solution to it and if you admit that the issue exists, you can start seeking whatever that solution is.
Are you treating people with respect?
A good thing to do if you are trying to be a better person to those around you is analyze if you are being respectful to your loved ones, co-workers, and even strangers. Analyze your language and make sure you are treating people with kindness and respect. If you find people consistently upset with how you are treating them there is probably a reason.
Are you listening to other people or just talking about yourself?
Are you giving them the same amount of respect/kindness/attention that they are giving you?
Are you blaming them for any bumps in your friendship/relationship?
Those are just a few examples of questions to ask yourself when reflecting on how you treat others.
Basically, just remember to be mindful and listen without immediately getting defensive (my problem) and if you are being told something negative about how you are treating others, really reflect on it and figure out if it is true.
This is a psychology book I read years ago that really, really helped me in understanding and admitting why I do some of the things I do and helped me to really observe how I am treating others. Finding out why you are doing certain things can really help in starting to learn not to repeat them.
"Working with the Shadow is not working with evil, per se. It is working toward the possibility of greater wholeness. We will never experience healing until we can come to love our unlovable places, for they, too, ask love of us. How is it that good people do bad things? Why is our personal story and our societal history so bloody, so repetitive, so injurious to self and others? How do we make sense of the discrepancies between who we think we are—or who we show to the outside world—versus our everyday behaviors? Why are otherwise ordinary people driven to addictions and compulsions, whether alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, infidelity, or the Internet? Why are interpersonal relationships so often filled with strife?Exploring Jung’s concept of the Shadow—the unconscious parts of our self that contradict the image of the self we hope to project--Why Good People Do Bad Things guides you through all the ways in which many of our seemingly unexplainable behaviors are manifestations of the Shadow. In addition to its presence in our personal lives, Hollis looks at the larger picture of the Shadow at work in our culture—from organized religion to the suffering and injustice that abounds in our modern world. Accepting and examining the Shadow as part of one’s self, Hollis suggests, is the first step toward wholeness. Revealing a new way of understanding our darker selves, Hollis offers wisdom to help you to acquire a more conscious conduct of your life and bring a new level of awareness to your daily actions and choices. "
You can get it at thriftbooks for under $4:
Let's stop pointing our fingers at everyone but ourselves and start taking some personal accountability.
Photos:
Flower:
https://pixabay.com/en/flower-universe-plant-cosmos-single-1219360/
Apple Tree:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/foam/5465731118
Great thought, I'll be sure to check the book out. We all have room to grow and make changes for the better.
Thank you. And yeah, the book really helped me. :] I need to re-read it myself.
Good advice. Another way to get into a rut is being headstrong. From my (rueful) experience, this one's harder to shake than being defensive.
The defensive thing is pretty hard to shake too. haha. I am getting there and I think I have the headstrong issue too. >_< It's definitely not an overnight process. :)
Well...lemme put it this way. If you're defensive, part of you knows something's wrong. If you're headstrong, you're often oblivious. In my headstrong moments, I resemble the fellow that bangs his head against a brick wall to show how tough he is. (Sigh)
doesn't headstrong mean stubborn basically? Because I am both stubborn AND defensive. haha I am getting much better though. It took a close friend being pretty blunt about it for me to be like "Okay, this is a problem I have."
Well, good for you. I had to figure out some of my stubborn points on my own.
Great post. I find that my strengths have a dark side that come through my character weaknesses. For instance, I'm good at confronting the issues that are obvious and no one wants to talk about, but I can come across like an a-hole sometimes doing it. Thankfully I have wife who is really empathetic and can help me see how others may perceive me. We all need someone close to us to be that mirror. Love your work :)
Great read @lauralemons.
The moment one is inclined to join in and include others in making their lives better, they also often take on more of the accountability with regard to our behaviors, thus improving our way of life. A person ready to make improvements to their life is not squatting on the back-burner. He or she is taking the process one step a time, yet still moving forward. Baby steps are sometimes the only way to be competitive for some in this game known as life. Most of us will be competing on our own playing field to realize our goals despite society pushing us onto the same one. We should not succumb and do things in our way but not at the expense of alienating all around us – particularly loved ones/
A few other q’s one should to ask themselves:
Am I a jack of all trades? Do I spread too thin?
Do you take too much involvement in everything which surrounds you? If so, do you keep an open mind every time something noticeably good comes your way? Are you going to learn new things? Do you learn from your mistakes?
If you respond positively, regardless of your playing field, then you should easily obtain the necessary skill-set required to competently walk through life, without running backwards and not taking responsibility like so many for the poor errors they helped create and never moving on from them.
Am I accepting the unfamiliar?
The unfamiliar can come to be your bestfriend I have found. As soon as you learn to accept the unknown, it can help to assist or even boost ones own personal life. As an example, if you know the English language, are you willing to study it’s roots – Latin, Greek or even Spanish. Broaden your horizons and I promise you that you will improve your broader personal life and be more willing to accept responsibility in all you do. The two go together – like many say maths and music go together. Broaden your horizons. Be accepting of other ways, beliefs, cultures. It frees the mind.
Do I acknowledge my limitations?
We all have limitations. You need to set limits for our self every day. If we cannot determine these daily limitations, we can easily waste the remainder of a lifetime casting rebuke and leading in a tumultuous life. We must accept our frailties and not cast blame on others. Not only should we acknowledge our own limitations but once they are defined, it is often prudent to let others know. Taking responsibility up front can make it easier at the other end to be accountable when shit hits the fan.
Sorry – rambling here.
Wishing you well.
I am going to check out that book. I like things that get us to look at ourselves to see where the blame can often lie. When I was younger I was quite an awful person and it wasn't until one day when everything has started to pile up that I realised that it was kinda myself to blame. I started to change and while I don't think you can ever rid yourself of that person you have been you can certainly take steps to overcome it and in turn become a better person.
Exactly. I kind of was too. I was just not empathetic and I was incredibly focused on myself as well as defensive. Since I started realizing this years ago and working on myself I have become a much better person. But yeah, we have to keep ourselves in check.