Feeling sorry for ourselves will only hold us back. Tips for getting out of a negativity loop.

I say this as a pro at feeling sorry for myself.

Well, it can be easy to do, can't it? Feeling sorry for oneself. Especially if you really did get a shit deck of hands in the game of life. Trust me I get it. My life was trauma. trauma. trauma. TRAGIC DEATH. trauma. orphan. CHRONIC ILLNESS. isolation. trauma. and this lead to me looking around at other people's lives, people with better lives of course and feeling really rotten about my situation. Well, eventually I realized this mentality was seriously holding me back and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on this with you steemians, steemers, what have you in hopes that maybe it can help someone else who is stuck in a negative loop.

First off, let me be clear that moving on, and not feeling sorry, isn't saying your feelings are not valid.

Of course if you suffered greatly it is going to hurt. Of course if you are chronically ill (raises hand!) it is going to be painful. All I am saying is that dwelling on it will only get you stuck. We don't have anyone to pull us out of the mud but ourselves when it really comes down to it and I for one am tired of dwelling in the mud. Chronic pain, metal illness, past trauma and all I am getting myself out of this and becoming happy and successful.

But...getting over the past isn't that simple Lemons...actually it is really hard.

I know and I hope to share some tips that I am implementing myself to try and unstick myself.

• If you can afford it, and have past baggage consider professional help.

This isn't 100% necessary to recover from trauma but it certainly will expedite it. Also, you may potentially be interested in medications that can help stabilize your mood and make you happier and more productive. However, if like me you are currently in the limbo of being out of work, disabled, and uninsured I don't think it is hopeless for me or anyone else to get better.

• Get some psychology books related to your particular trauma or illnesse.

I posted in a past blog about Thriftbooks and it is where I do a ton of my book shopping. I will post my referral link way at the end of the blog of you can just find the site on your own. You're clever. ^_^ I recently purchased 4 books very fine-tuned to my past. One on repeated sexual trauma and the effect it has on a person mentally, one of sibling abuse, one on abusive parents, and a final one on affirmations for adult children of abusive parents. I am reading through them and feel that getting to the root of my psyche and understanding my own blocks and patterns and why they were created will help me to move forward and break them.

• Exercise. In any way you can, no matter how small.

If like me you are disabled don't go my route and drown your sorrows in whiskey and gin (Kink's reference), getting fatter, and sadder, and feeling more sorry for yourself than ever because you will end up where I did more disabled and really fat. If you have a super metabolism and fat isn't an issue, still copious amounts of booze and crying will get you nowhere except for liver failure. Take a gentle walk. Do some light yoga. If you can't stand, do some seated exercises. Roll your shoulders. Whatever it is you can do, do it.

• Be gentle with yourself, even mentally.

You may have formed some negative ways of talking to yourself mentally as a result of feeling so down. If you find yourself constantly bullying yourself mentally try to break the pattern. Yesterday, I knocked something over and thought to myself "You stupid idiot!" but because I am being more mindful I actually HEARD it this time. Woah, stupid idiot? For knocking something over? Is that how I would talk to a child, my friend, heck even a stranger? That is insane. Being mindful of how we talk to ourselves is key to a happier life.

• Self care and relaxation.

If you are depressed and anxious I suggest meditation, daily. I am in no way religious and not especially spiritual even but meditation has proven results in calming the mind which leads to a much less scary, and more productive life. I also suggest guided meditations if you have trauma, or illness that you want to work through. Other ways we can care for ourselves could be simply making a hot cup of tea and taking a break or taking a bath. It is important to listen to our bodies. If your body is exhausted, take a breather and don't worry at what pace the rest of the world is moving. It is okay to be you. You are enough!

• Take back your passion.

Whatever it is you once did that brought you joy and happiness. Reclaim it. Go back to bowling, sewing, playing football, singing karaoke, being a mixmaster, spinning, blowing glass, making small figurines out of clay of the Smurfs, whatever it is that you do, do it. And if you are thinking "I don't have time to do that" then I suggest you really, closely look at where your time goes. Is there mindlessly watching TV? Maybe friends that only bring you grief that you waste energy on? Find time to be happy. Stress is a killer and we must find ways to bring that stress down. In fact, stress alone is what lead to all my diseases flaring to the point of being home-bound.

I for one am done feeling sorry and laying in bed all day.

If you are not yet capable of this though, then by all means rest up and come back to this when you feel more ready. I spent the past year feeling sorry for myself so I am definitely ready. My illness may not go away but this is the life I have and I am going to make the most of it even if it's at slothy speeds compared to other people. I am not other people, I am me and I am enough and you are enough too!

Oh, I almost didn't mention anything about friends.

I have been in extreme isolation since moving to a new state so I just forgot that socializing was an important aspect. If you have people to reach out to that are supportive, let them in even if it may feel easier to push them away. If they are true friends they will stick around. Socializing in general can be important for a happy, full life. Although, some people thrive from solitude. Whichever it is you are craving, go after it.

All images from pixabay

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