Why in the Hell would you eat a lightbulb!?

For a time, my brother @customnature and I were both involved in Vaudevillian side show attractions. One of my many past lives before settling down as a dad and freelance artist in Minneapolis. We performed a variety of painful feats for massive crowds. Fox traps on the hand, mousetraps on the tongue, bed of nails, fire-breathing, and the human tip jar […having the audience staple dollar bills to your face and body]. One of my favorite acts was eating a lightbulb, right out of the box. I’m finally going to reveal the secret to this remarkable stunt.

Actually, that was a false lead. Believe it or not, there is NO trick to eating a lightbulb! No slight of hand, or sugar glass, no cheeking the shards to spit out later. It’s 100% real. I first saw this stunt on Howard Stern during the late 90’s. He had a guest that ate a lightbulb and washed it down with Windex […that part isn’t real], but it stayed with me. I always wanted to figure out how it was done. I was sure there was a trick to it.

**@customnature performing the bed of nails

Years later, my brother and I got in to the weird subculture of professional death match wrestling. That is to say, professional wrestling with elements of “death match” stunts. You may recall seeing old ECW footage of barbed-wire matches, and thumbtacks […some of this even spilled over in to the WWE during the Mick Foley years]. Believe it or not, there’s a brand of this subculture that becomes even more violent and extreme. Fire, panes of glass, weed-wackers and yes, lightbulbs. From about 1998 - 2002, we were both trained and performed these outrageous matches […another past life for a future blog].

The point is, after being suplexed on these lightbulbs […and worse] for years, I’d build up somewhat of a tolerance for broken glass. I’d researched the lightbulb eating stunt, and read that, in fact, there was no trick to it, aside from checking the glass up as small as possible […the size of sand], so that it can pass through your body without injury. This was confirmed with a few other resources I found online as well. Still, though…many a time I held a light bulb between my teeth and didn’t have the fortitude to bite.

One day, I was having a casual conversation with my roommate at the time, and he said “Did you ever learn to eat one of these?”, pointing to the lightbulb on my desk. Without any hesitation, I picked up and bit in to it. I heard the glass cracking, and then it finally exploded from the pressure. I now realize it had to be something I did impulsively.

Since then, I’ve eaten dozens of light bulbs without any injury or harm, less a cut on the lip here and there from the initial break. It became a highlight of the side show act, and still makes for one Hell of a conversation piece at parties. I’ve always been fascinated by the extremes of human experience and the fringe subcultures of society, so naturally, this is feat I’m glad to have conquered myself.

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