Turning a Self-Defeating Moment Into A Moment of Self-Empowerment

in life •  2 years ago

In this blog I would like to share a moment of myself where I went from a stance of 'waiting my way through life' to a moment of self-actualized self-empowerment.

This moment was birthed from a series I am writing about quitting the rat race, and the moments as gifts I was able to give myself using writing to break down my pre-programmed autopilot default mode way of living, to becoming a fully functioning and aware human being that cares about herself, others and this world.

I will be leaving the rat race in 37 days, and I will not be leaving empty-handed.

I will not be getting a big payout or a package of any sort. I will have only what I was able to save by moving in with my parents and living simply, but I will not be leaving empty-handed.

I will be leaving the rat race with gifts that money cannot buy, gifts more valuable than a dollar amount can represent, and I will be sharing every single one of them.

I'd like to look at how I was able to actualize the point I realized in my previous blog "Leaving the Rat Race - Going to Africa" (https://steemit.com/life/@kimzilla/leaving-the-rat-race-going-to-africa).

I ended off doing some self-forgiveness, which is a very effective tool to peer through your own bullshit to the core of what the issue is, and then also how to handle it.

I noticed I had this point of bracing myself and waiting through, toughing out difficult moments at work. Sometimes when I am sitting at my desk I just want to explode and quit in a fiery blaze, walk out a not waste one more moment of my life in that office. In these moments I lose focus and find it incredibly difficult to get anything done.

This is an old patterned habit from back in school, one which made it difficult to study or get good grades, fit in or really take any steps toward my utmost potential.

I confronted one of these moments today, when I was tired and fed up but had hours yet to go before the day was over. I noticed myself sliding down into my chair, legs jumping, feeling my OCD creeping in wanting to escape this moment with every cell of my body.

But I then triggered myself to remember what I had written the day before, about sailing through these moments just to get through them, and I thought about the advise I had given myself, about how I was actually creating this. I was actually stiffing myself from living this one moment fully.

I remembered about how I had committed to push myself to live every moment fully, and about the realization that if I don't do this, I will end up waiting forever. I remembered about how I should instead look to see how I could be living this moment better, and remembered I had looked at the word 'discipline'.

With all of this support, I took a breath and really looked at myself and what I was accepting and allowing myself to become. I sat up straight in my chair and shook off the bad attitude, the self-defeating mindset, and the diminishing narrative I was about to indulge in. I looked at the tasks in front of me, and without judging it or creating reactions about it, I simply broke it down into steps and started doing it.

The amazing thing I realized was that in applying a little mental discipline, as in, becoming more focused and applied in an objectively gentle kind of way, I actually felt lighter and more effective.

It is as if being disgruntled actually takes more work and effort than simply doing the work without participating in the mind's narrative and emotions about the work.

I ended up being quite productive in my last hours of the day, and taking on some issues that would have otherwise exasperated my bad mood.

In ending my day this way, I felt like I had more physical energy to walk home instead of taking the bus, stopping by my local yoga studio and renewing my membership, getting home and actually being pleasant company to be with, and preparing my lunch and gym bag for the next day.

These actions are like setting myself up for self-defined success, in taking steps towards creating the kind of life I want to live: one where I take care of my mental and physical health through changing my stressful and anxious mental state, while also eating well and exercising to keep my body fit.

I will continue to apply myself this coming month, so that I leave the corporate world, not as a diminished version of myself crushed by stress and self-defeat, but as a strengthened and expanded version of myself that will be honed for a future of life creation.

I see this job as like a sort of boot camp I put myself through, where I took the most difficult and challenging environment and placed myself directly into it in order to develop my weaknesses into strengths that I will be and have for the rest of my life, so long as I continue to life in an effective way. I see self-development and self-expansion not just as a way to get through certain particular situations and events, but as a way of life that will be lived from each moment forward.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's blog to see what other gift I find in the rat race of self-creation.

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Awesome Post @kimzilla

"The amazing thing I realized was that in applying a little mental discipline, as in, becoming more focused and applied in an objectively gentle kind of way, I actually felt lighter and more effective.

It is as if being disgruntled actually takes more work and effort than simply doing the work without participating in the mind's narrative and emotions about the work."

You Got it.
The Golden Ticket.

Steem On Sista :)


Thanks @worldclassplayer - I've been following your blogs as well - real world class stuff! Steem on! Creation is live!


Awe that's aweosme! @kimzilla



I admire your determination and willingness to stick with it till the end. Did much the same thing when I left the IT industry some 18 years ago... it was definitely a rat race, and there's no part of it I really miss.


Cool @denmark guy - I will not miss any element of it either, but I still see that there are so many valuable lessons and skills that can be learned there and then transferred over to other areas of life. Like I said, this is like a boot camp for me to develop those skills that are somewhat uncomfortable for me. Also, it is important to learn the game and how to play the game of corporate culture, because unfortunately, this is the most popular game at the moment. Best be able to navigate it while preserving your integrity and principles. This rat race of a system works, only it has been designed to create worker bees with no ambition. I hope to find ways to use the elements that work to create a system that produces a different result, one that teaches the human to discover their utmost potential, through the difficult and the pleasurable parts of life.

I like your blog! Makes me feel the same way! Although i love my job as a nurse, but i know that im a slave to debt! We all are.. but im also a passiknate artist. I know i can make it big someday but i always think and wish that the time is now. But for now i will be working for a moment and continue my passion! Thats for a very empowering message! I will follow you. Hope you follow me too.


Thank you @ errymil! I truly believe the time IS now, because now is the only time we have to work with. I understand there is a practical reality to consider, and it took me almost 4 years to dig myself out of the hole of consequence I had created for myself. But now that that is behind me, I am ready to take the first steps toward life creation - although I must say, throughout these 4 years, I found it very valuable to put aside a little time each day to take baby steps toward creating my passion. You are lucky that you already know what your passion is, many do not yet know this and may take years finding it, as it is so easy to become lost in the rat race of life, paying bills and trying to get ahead. I hope you cherish your art and use it to show the world a new expression that is you!


It takes a lot of dedication and practice until your body follow or manifest what your mind thinks! I just discovered my passion when i was 33 and i guess never too late to learn something new! But i had to go through a very tough time in my life. I literally almost gave up! I like connection with you! Hope to see more of your comments and post!

So awesome Kim, definitely shows the amazing potential of scripting the solution for those practical moments as well as your amazing strength and power to not give in to the thoughts accompanying ocd but rather decide to live in a way that's best for you.


Thanks Kim, yes, OCD is the underlying factor that is the constant challenge for me, but I endeavor to turn it into a strength, like a litmus test for how I am doing during the day. thanks for reading!



Thanks @bibek, much appreciated!


You must welcome..dear

Namaste Kimzilla, you find the power in yourself the moment you step into Now. Takes guts to face yourself, I know, I've had to do it a lot too.

It's a little thing my Beloved calls the Three As. Awareness, Acceptance and Adaptation.

Once I notice something that triggers me I either choose to face it and accept it, or to resist it. If I resist, well you know what happens. Nix. Everything stays as it is.

But if I accept it, well then I can create something different. I can adapt. As you did, and no doubt are continuing to do.

Well done, master creator, I salute you.