This series will be part of a 38 day count down where I am supporting myself to leave the corporate world with a bang! I was tempted to kick back an sail through my final month, but I decided to get as much out of it as possible.
The purpose for my trip to Africa is to work with a group of people that are taking steps to make themselves and the world better. I want to live in a better world, and leave a better world for the next group. Whether or not that is going to happen, I don't know, but I intend to leave this world knowing I pushed myself to do my best.
During my quick, 3.5 year stint in the rat race, I developed a pretty bad narrative. I found a lot of opportunities of support and self development, but I never quite shook the self-defeating internal voice that kept telling me how horrible, terrible and miserable this experience is and was. Yes, I don't like it, and I see there are so many better options for me. But, it is possible to keep a better narrative, especially knowing that I did take control and manifest a better option for myself, now it's just a matter of time!
Day 1 of 38.
Today I would like to look at the dread one faces Monday morning, with the thought of the work week ahead, and the weekend behind. I feel like my life gets put on pause for five days, and then I get to live for about two, and then it's another five days of waiting.
It's like I see the work week as something out side of my normal life and living, instead of living fully while at work as well. There is this element of 'waiting' - waiting for lunch hour, waiting for end of day, waiting for Friday. Waiting is not living, and I want to LIVE, not wait!
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait out the times, instances and situational circumstances that I don't like or find enjoyable, as if simply 'getting through' them makes them over and puts them behind me forever, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am actually creating them, and the more I wait through them, the more they will continue to come.
I see realize and understand that the only way to stop this waiting is to be fully living in each moment of every day.
When and as I see that I am going into this energetic space of 'waiting', I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to the present moment by taking this breath, and looking at how I can be or become more fully present.
I commit myself to push me to live fully in every moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and ignore moments that I find uncomfortable, difficult or in any way unenjoyable, by 'waiting them out', not realizing that I will be waiting forever if I keep this up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define certain moments as 'bad', 'difficult', 'unbearably boring', 'a waste of my time' etc... and within this judgment and definition, have made it such, and created difficult and unbearably boring, wasteful moments for myself, simply in how I have defined them.
When and as I see that I am living these self-defeating definitions of moments I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to self-expansion by looking at the moment and seeing how I can live it better, what words can I be living instead?
For example, right now, I am going into 'rush' and 'stress' as it is time for me to get ready to go. I will instead look at living the words 'disciplined' and 'fluid' as I move through my morning here today, and I will see how I can carry these words on throughout the day today.