Powerlesness In the Face of Wants

How does it feel to go from Powerless to Self-Centric? Interestingly, I learned a very surprising thing about powerlessness..... in the moments we feel powerless in our lives, powerless as an experience, what I discovered it that it is usually the opposite of true. This is a follow up from my blog here: https://steemit.com/lovelife/@kimzilla/powerless-to-self-centric. The truth is that we are completely empowered, we are just giving our power away through bad choices.

I discovered this because in my last blog I decided to give myself a word of support to live to help me move through the experience of 'powerlessness'. The support word was self-centric, which I defined as placing myself at the center of all my decisions, doing so in such a way where that self-consideration is done in a way of self-support, to be the best version of me, to help me reach my full potential, and not in an egotistical way that only feeds ego or desires for example.

What I saw within myself is that, when I did reach a crossroads in my day, where I had a choice to make within which one way would lead to the satisfaction of desires, and the other way would lead to self-support in the development of discipline or self-care, I had an exceptionally hard time pushing myself to be self-centric in these moments!

What I have realized and what has been exposed to me is that I am still primarily directed by my desires. the big ones are easy to see and actually easier to direct. But then there are little ones, even ones I'm not completely aware of until I move to deny myself or choose something different, and all of a sudden I find myself hitting a wall.

So what does this mean?

It means that I have some work to do.

When I was in a position of either choosing my desires or choosing what was actually best for me, I found myself having a mini internal temper tantrum, accompanied by what felt like a mild panic when I thought about denying myself the thing. so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I deny myself indulgences into my desires that I will suffer, my day will be terrible, difficult, cold and hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a default setting to look first to my wants and desires when making micro-decisions throughout the day, instead of looking to what would most benefit me and my process of self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel panicked and deprived when and as I do not satisfy my worldly desires, as I have not realized them as addictions, whether it be an addiction to the substance itself. or the experience, such as the experience of comfort.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to experiment, play and investigate with 'denying' myself from indulging in desires, wherein I would, could and will play with this word 'to deny', and change it to 'choose differently' to see what happens: will I die? Will my world end? Will this point be the end of me? Will I suffer? And if I choose differently, what will that choice lead to? Might I recover from the withdrawal? Might I grow a bit?

Growing pains. It's not comfortable to grow, to change, to expand. Comfort is a hell of a drug. A dangerous thing when it comes to realizing one's potential.

If you can relate to constantly succumbing to your wants instead of choosing what you know is best, check out: "I Am A Recovering Want Addict"