Thank you @ilovedietcoke. Eight years is a very long time to have to deal with the added stress and trauma that comes with abuse. It probably sounds dumb but I used food to help with a lot of the physical issues caused by trauma, 3 bananas a day really helped clear up the PTSD part of my issues. Also melon of all kinds is wonderful for depression :-) I'm using my writing now to help clear the last of what is holding me back and it is really helping! Even after just the first two posts I feel much lighter, happier, and less resentful towards my ex and others. Give it a shot! I will follow you to help you on your journey of recovery.