Abused & Rising Above: Don’t let your dysfunction turn into broken glass… cause then you have broken glass to clean up!

I want to thank everyone for all the support on my last few posts! The Good Bye Baby Part I & Part II were very hard for me to write because of the memories it brings up.
The From Fat 🍑 to Bad A$$; Conscious Thought Transforms My Healing Process posts are a lot more fun to right because it is more of me moving in the right directions and not just dealing with old issues. Either way though the love and support is really appreciated!

Now I want to address how my dysfunction always turns into broken glass, literally.

I will say right up front that people with either totally get what I'm saying and love this post, or they will think I'm nuts and this post will make them feel icky about themselves and they will hate it. I have actually been told by someone before that he would punch me in the face if he ever met me just for sharing what I'm about to share, so that should tell you just how upsetting it is to some people.

A many weeks ago I was cleaning up broken glass off my kitchen floor, and cursing the law of attraction. Over the last six months or so I have become really good at seeing the correlation between my dysfunction and broken glass (plus sometimes other things). What I am not super great at is seeing the dysfunction, and correcting the dysfunction before it becomes broken glass. The people here @gardenofeden are masters at helping people identify dysfunction, and @quinneaker of course is the master of correcting it. Learn from the master :-)

Have you ever met someone that is convinced they either just have the worst luck ever and nothing good would ever happen to them? Or in turn have you ever met someone with amazing luck and nothing bad ever seems to come their way? Either way, those people are right. You will have whatever you are aligned with in life, good, bad, or somewhere in-between.

So let me give you a little history of my conscious progression on this topic. About 5 or 6 years ago I was going in bi -weekly for therapeutic (aren't they all) massage. You see at this point in time in my life I had been in 8, yes I said 8, car accidents. Some very minor and a few major ones. Now these ranged all the way from when I was a little kid about 6 years old up until October 20, 2010.

The last accident in 2010 when we took a F-150 head on as they ran a yellow light.

By our western standard of law, none of these accidents were ruled as my fault, however by the law of attraction I most certainly had a part in bringing them about. During one of my massage sessions I was working with a new woman, and she was asking me why I was bringing about all these "accidents" into my life. At the time I was very offended and though this woman was nuts. I felt like she was accusing me of causing these accidents because I didn't understand what she was talking about at all. Even though I didn't understand it at all that was the second seed I had planted to make me aware of energy and how we direct it to effect us, consciously or subconsciously in most people's case. I was pretty short with the lady, and she could tell I was offended and that I was not in the right place to hear the pearls of wisdom she was trying to give me. I don't remember a whole lot about the rest of our conversation but I do remember her suggesting I get myself a hug pillow. Something for me to hug whenever I felt alone, which was all the time. That I agreed with so I felt she did have some type of insight and I didn’t dismiss what she said altogether, but tucked it away in the back of my brain.

I often take awhile to process information to make sure that I have considered all aspects of what I'm being presented with. I have found this very helpful to be less reactive in my response to people, since emotion usually guides quick response. I thought a lot about what this woman said to me and tried to make sense of how my energy could have caused all those accidents. I kept thinking things like, "Why in the world would someone want to have all those bad things happen to them?" This was also about a year in to me being very sick with some yet to be diagnosed illness and I started to wonder if there was any truth to what she said if my energy could also be causing my illness - or at least magnifying it. I almost immediately discredited this idea because I had spent a year so far trying to convince doctors something was actually wrong with me, while they kept telling me it was all in my head. I didn't realize a distinction at the time of energy alignment vs. supposed mental illness.

So all this thinking about energy reminded me of something I read before and intrigued me greatly. Probably another 5 years before this I read a book called 'The Celestine Prophecy' , it is published as a work of fiction, but the parts of the book that discuss energy that comes from living things such as people and plants really struck a cord with me. It was almost like I was reminded of an innate knowledge - something I already knew but had forgotten. If you haven't read the book I would highly recommend it, even if for nothing more than entertainment. See if it gives you goosebumps like it did for me :-) BTW the movie is awful, no short cuts you have to read it!

Anyway, the whole idea was that there is always an exchange of energy between other things with energy that we interact with. For example when we consume (eat) something, then you absorb their energy (good or bad). Also have you ever had an argument with someone, and even though nothing physical took place you felt completely drained and exhausted afterwards? The idea presented in this book is that happens because if you "lose" the argument the struggle for energy lies with the person that "won" and you feel drained as a direct result. Another part talks about how parents expert their energy to overpower their child and essentially steal the child's energy to make them 'obey'. I can't even count the number of times I felt this exact thing happen to me as a child and into my young adult life until I cut ties with my biological family…

Have you ever seen a larger group of fake smiles and generally unhappy people at a party? Misery loves company.

So between the combination of what I read in a fictional book and what the massage lady was trying to express to me during my session I had a very limited understanding of what energy was or how it is used or not used in our daily lives. Since coming to live around the most conscious individuals I have ever know, it has become so much clearer to me that this energy we all possess and where/how we use it will be the direct result of the things you experience in your life (and have so far).

This is where things take a turn and people tend to get very upset, I know I did when I first started hearing about it. This is where people start saying things like, "I was abused, raped, beaten, etc, in my life (or as a child especially) and there is no way my energy was OK with that happening!" Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying you asked for these experiences, but I am 100% positive they would not have taken place had your energy been in alignment with something else happening. I am not speaking from the experience of looking at life through rose colored glasses. If you have read any of my past posts then you know I have experienced many shitty things, not only as a child but also as an adult. It was not easy for me to accept that my shitty parents, illness that almost killed me, and abusive spouse were the cause of my energy being in alignment with all those things. I think for most people it is hard to accept and/or change that connection because the first thing you have to do is give up the victim line of thinking. Feeling like things are happening to you, instead of being created by you allows you to give up control of your life and in turn the responsibility you possess for your life and experiences.

So if you are in agreement with the victim lifestyle then you too probably want to punch me right about now. That is OK because that is where you are at in life, but just know that it doesn't have to be that way.

By now you are probably asking, "What the hell does this have to do with broken glass?!" Well in 2010 was my last major car accident. I have been in two very minor incidents where my ex was driving and bumped into the car in front of us - but I'm sure that was more about his energy than mine. So for the last 7+ years my dysfunction stopped manifesting itself as massive collisions, and instead starting coming through as broken glass.

I can't even begin to tell you how many of the dysfunctional events in my life since then have resulted in broken glass. I was attracting it with my energy. There were fights were vases were broken, were bottles were thrown at me, were the old style glass light fixtures were smashed into a million pieces and showered down on me, even one where my ex smashed two glass cups of smoothie all over the kitchen and then I had to run through it while trying to get away from him. I picked glass shards out of my feet for two weeks after that. But it wasn't always from fights. I have had glass bowls that I really loved that were broken just because of not living in the moment or knowing that something bad would happen to it if used because of the crappy energy alignment.

Even right after I came to the @gardenofeden, one of the first things that happened to me was I stepped on a piece of broken glass with my bare feet. I thought I got it out but realized a week later there was still a piece stuck very deep in my foot. It took me another month of soaking my foot to get that last little piece out.

So that brings me back to cleaning up broken glass off my kitchen floor. I asked my ex to come over to help with the kids, which he finally did but then proceed to complain about a situation that occurred with another inhabitant at @gardenofeden, all of which had nothing to do with him. I was irritated that he was bringing all kind of negativity into my environment at that moment and even more irritated that he was trying to take on other peoples problems when he is so incapable of solving any of his own. I reminded him that if someone else is having an issue about anything then the best way to resolve it is to talk to @quinneaker, and asked him to stop bringing a bunch of negativity around me and the kids when I ask for his help, which was not very often. This of course pissed him off and after a while of back and forth on the topic, no yelling or anything just disagreeing, I finally asked him to leave because it was more work for me to deal with him than get a few minutes of his help.

I should have never wasted my time even trying to explain it to him since I know he doesn't understand any of what I was talking about, but I tried to explain it anyway and ended up frustrating myself in the process. Not a minute after he left I opened the fridge door and a glass bottle just fell out and smashed all over the floor. It immediately dawned on me how quickly the universe is showing me when my energy is directed towards something unproductive or dysfunction. As I was cleaning up oily dressing off my freshly mopped floor I was cursing the law of attraction, and scolding myself for allowing any of it to take place.

Then I thanked the universe for the reminder about one of the most important aspect of my life that I have been working on changing. I also thanked the universe for showing me so quickly the error of my ways so I could start course correcting immediately. I instantly felt better and then cleaning up the broken glass was not such a big deal.

It is funny how things work as you progress in life. I have not had to clean up broken glass since that day. I have now moved on in life to cleaning up water messes lol. Notice though how each thing becomes less and less detrimental as my energy in life is changing toward a more positive alignment! Car accidents to broken glass to simple water leaks/spills. Life definitely gets better each day!

Questions, comments, shared experiences are always welcome!