Im in a stronger place with lots of support. Focusing on having a Positive Mental attitude.

Its been just over 4 weeks since i tried to take my own life, 4 long weeks where i have had so many counselling meetings and asked so many questions with every single minute being done to hopefully find out why and to stop me doing it again. I have learned new techniques on how to manage my thoughts and feelings. I have had my last meeting with a therapist who has taught me Tapping, how to clean my Chakras and given links to videos to build your energy with daily exercises.

My Mental Health hasnt been good for a long time. I didn't think i had a problem until i stopped working when i was 28. I always kept myself busy with work and had a pretty busy social life. Then my knee gave in, i had all the time in the world to think, then the memories started to fill my head. I had pushed all the bad memories away, i still can't rememer a lot that happened to me before i was 14, i have blocked a lot out.

My Mental Health team are now sorting out a therapist to go over my thoughts with 1 to 1 sessions. I am scared a lot of bad memories will come flooding back. They have to be dealt with just scared what they might be. When people talk about your inner child i see mine in a dark room with layers upon layers of walls surrounding her, not letting anything in or out.

I am 55, i don't want to keep feeling the way i do, i would love to be able to leave the past in the past, unfortunately its not that easy.

I have had quite a bit of counselling over the years, i have also had CBT Congenital Behavioural Therapy, Mindfulness Meditation which has helped a little. I am hoping now with the help of The Mental Health team i may see the light at the end of my very dark road.

I look back at what happened 4 weeks ago trying to see myself then, i don't recognise myself, that Karen isn't this Karen if you get my meaning. I have never been that low before, I've been low where I've wanted to end it but never took that last step always stopping myself. I feel a lot better than i did and know in myself i won't do it again feeling this way unfortunately it's something i can't promise on as with taking that step i now know i am capable of doing it. I will do everything in my power and go to any and every counselling session to build myself up and put myself on a higher level, i will do what the therapist says to make my life better. I will promise that i will try my best not to get that low again by being more Mindful of Me and what's happening around me.

MY AFFIRMATION IS:

EVEN THOUGH I FEEL LOW I STILL CHOSE TO LOVE AND RESPECT MYSELF.

Thank you @son-of-satire