So you didn't come rolling in the door at three AM shouting about the Damn Snow with a kebab in your hand. Nor did you spill said kebab all over the floor to the sofa. Nor would you have then sprinkled little bits of kebab meat around you whilst attempting, I presume, to put bits of it in your mouth?

What is your good lady going on about? Of course that's the only way real men end their birthdays! Do the chores, but for Gob's sakes man, hold your head up high. You performed like a real gentleman! I mean, who complain about the snow if not for a man, right!? Kebabs are the best food after drinking, so that's a given. Of course you would eat it, in your sofa no less because you didn't want to wake her up out of concern for her well being and sanity. I fear that the Red Tent has grasped your good lady's mind even further than we anticipated!