(IJCH) Repost for my young friend in Thailand (or What I learned about Myself in Thailand)
(IJCH) Repost for my young friend in Thailand (or What I learned about Myself in Thailand)
IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (Meaning: My Warped, Personal Opinions and Musings)
From the Author:
Salutations.
I am JaiChai.
And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.
I invite you to interact with everyone, learn, and have as much fun as possible!
For my returning online friends, "It's always great to see you again!"
The following recounts some of my experiences in Thailand while I lived and worked there many years ago.
Enjoy!
Background
This is for my young friend in Thailand.
He has been there for about 6 months and still in the "enamored" stage - a naive state where everything is "just so wonderful" here, especially the women!
This is par for the course for the vast majority of men (and now women too) in Asia for the first time.
Without some tempering advice from others who've been in Asia for years, it usually takes another 4-6 months before they swing towards the "embittered" stage - an angry mindset where "everything sucks and everyone is a scammer here!".
I reposted this article for all people like my friend who bypass or never settle into "The Middle Way" - neither a doormat , nor a dictator; just a realist that accepts the fact that there's always a positive and a negative in life.
And that without proper planning and preparation; that is, an entrance and an exit plan, it's easy to feel trapped and helpless.
OK.
Now for the story...
Attending a TA (Thai-A-Holics Anonymous) Meeting
(Standing at the podium)
“Hello. My name is JaiChai. And I’m a Thai-A-Holic.”
Audience: “H-e-l-l-o-o-o-o JaiChai!”
“It’s been nine hours since I had my last Thai…”
(Roaring sound of clapping from the approving audience…)
Seriously, though, Thailand - and especially Thai women, can easily seduce a man.
The longer one stays in Thailand, exposed to all the exotic temptations, the harder it is to leave!
Down the Rabbit Hole (Lost Objectivity)
Many times, when you’re too close to a situation you tend to lose your perspective on life.
Call it what you will, "the heat of the moment", situational fervor, unique environmental reinforcements, whatever, they all tend to warp the minds of even the most rational individuals.
Life’s Big Picture is not so clear anymore.
Priorities in the real world lose significance and the illusions of fantasy land seem irresistible. Things that you wouldn’t hesitate to brush off as pure nonsense suddenly seem so real.
While in this “Alice in Wonderland” setting, basal needs take on an urgency of mythical proportions.
Consequently, objectivity is lost and can only be recovered after a series of “hard knocks” life lessons.
That’s exactly what I let happen to me in Thailand…
In Retrospect
Now that I’ve been out of Thailand for quite awhile, I can look back at the whole experience in another light (i.e., from a different, more objective point of view).
Moreover, I’ve come to realize that I learned many things about myself, time, money, life, etc.; experiencing some hard life lessons from my "in country" years in the Land of Smiles.
I call it "in country" time because in many ways, Thailand can feel like unfamiliar, hostile territory.
Farangs (Thai: foreigners) are always in a hot zone; battling communication barriers and contending with almost opposite social and sexual mores.
Throw in the uncertainty of residence or employment and you instantly have fertile ground for undue stress and the perpetuation of personal demons (e.g., alcoholism, sex, drugs, etc.) as justification for "relief".
Maybe that’s why the personal behavior of today's foreigners and those of soldiers during the Vietnam era are still quite similar?
Again, succumbing to the surrealistic, circus-life atmosphere that is the Bangkok and Pattaya nightlife, such was the case for me in Thailand.
And I must confess, for me and most of the people I befriended there, it can truly become an addiction and quickly reshuffle many a man’s life priorities.
Stereotypical Start
My story begins like many others.
I originally visited Thailand for a short, one week vacation. In my mind, this was to be a personal vacation of pre-planned hedonistic pleasures.
Financially, I was duly prepared; having saved up my “mad money” a year and a half in advance.
Excluding my airfare, I planned to spend at least $600 USD per day.
In other words, considering the USD and Thai Baht exchange rate, I had enough money to have a stupid, dangerously crazy time!
And indulge I did.
Fantasies Galore
What actually happened?
Suffice it to say that my first week in Thailand was the most pleasure-seeking week of my life. It surpassed all expectations I’d ever fantasized about.
Spending about 93% of my dream vacation budget, I “sampled the exotic culture and generously contributed to the local economy” by starting my daily drinking at noon.
Then, everyday for the next six days, I met at least three different women, visited 3-4 different bars, ate at a new restaurant, and stayed at a different hotel or motel every night!
Did you do the math?
Holy Shit!
And no, the sexual performance/prowess was not pharmaceutically enhanced (e.g., ED drugs, sexual appliances, etc.).
Funny thing.
The continuous physical activity had a paradoxical side effect.
At the end of the week, in spite of the enormous amounts of calories I ingested (in the form of decadently rich meals, desserts, beer, and mixed drinks), I actually lost weight.
Anyone else up for the Thai sex diet and exercise plan?
Serendipity or Curse?
As luck would have it, the night before I was to leave Thailand a fellow American called me at my hotel and offered me a job.
He had an English school and supplied the local government schools with foreign, native-speaking English teachers.
A current employee had an emergency in the States, leaving a gap that needed to be filled immediately.
I eagerly said yes; mainly because I thought the job could prolong my new Thailand fantasy lifestyle. Working in the country would spare me from using my military pension during my stay, I thought.
(But in reality, over the following months and years, I found myself dipping into my pension for unexpected obligations, numerous faux emergencies, outright scams, overpriced Farang commodities, and fellow teacher bailouts.)
I’d been an instructor or teacher my whole adult life. Teaching English to Thai students couldn’t be that hard, could it?
Well...
A Teacher’s Cure
Question: What is the cure for the itch to teach English overseas?
Answer: Thailand!
In no way am I saying this in an arrogant or cavalier manner.
After teaching thousands of classes in advanced English Programs, adult night school, weekend programs, and individual/private classes for over two years, I can confidently state that the overwhelming majority of such programs and so-called “English teachers” are a sham - all show and no go.
For Thai students, the only criteria for attending English class (at all levels) is cash, not the motivation to learn, nor the presence of a baseline knowledge of English.
In other words, if a student can pay, he stays and passes the course. Period.
Similarly, the number one reason for a foreigner to begin teaching English in Thailand is cash, not the passion for teaching, nor the presence of any rudimentary teaching skills.
The bar is set very low in regards to teacher qualifications. To teach English one needs only to "look like a foreigner".
Even if the foreigner can barely speak English, as long as he has white skin, he can be hired as an English teacher.
This is where I had the most problems because, although I had more education and experience as a teacher, the fact that I have an Asian heritage, my physical appearance made it very difficult to get the normal Farang salary.
The only saving grace was that I possessed a Master's degree, while most others did not even have a Bachelor's.
So, why did I stay in Thailand?
In a word. Women.
I’m not going to lie and try to blow smoke up your ass.
I’m not going to say that the combination of weather, food, and culture was my initial or main reason for staying (although in time, those fake reasons helped me rationalize staying "just a few more months").
But then the "few more months" turned into over two years!
Yes, to be brutally honest, my main reason for staying in Thailand was the women.
Why did I finally leave?
Again, in a word. Women.
Let me explain both sides, the Stay/Leave reasons, in more detail.
The "Stay" Rationale
In my humble opinion, as specimens of the female gender, the women of Thailand - including the women from Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, and Vietnam that live and work in Thailand - are ridiculously genetically gifted!
All my Asian girlfriends had waists that are just "Three Palms Wide" and you could get a heavenly view from any angle.
Although most western women go to great lengths to look attractive, many do not come close to the innate feminine beauty that is common in Asia.
For example, unlike the west, hour-glass figures are the norm in Asia. Their waist-to-hip ratios are unbelievable, almost the perfect feminine erotic anime incarnate!
And the way they carry themselves could put most runway models to shame.
They are extremely attentive – almost to the point of mothering/smothering a grown man – and are flagrantly sexy.
I tell my western buddies that most Asian women secrete super-pheromones that can attract anything male within a 50-mile radius!
But...
The Flip-Side (The Reasons to "Leave")
Most Thai women can not speak English at a level that’s remotely conducive to any real communication.
If they can speak English, most will talk about mundane (albeit culturally ingrained) topics – all the time. The banal banter over things like money, food, gossip, and relatives are covered daily – over and over again.
It gets old very fast.
Thai women are renowned for their mercenary attitudes. To them it’s all about the Benjamins (money). No money, no honey.
Spend, spend, spend: "Act like a tourist and get ripped off like a tourist!" The money is taken from the unsuspecting Farang and a great time is had by the Thai woman and all her friends.
Think I’m being jaded?
Have you ever seen a Thai woman stay with a poor foreigner for any (if any) length of time? No.
Often duplicitous, many Thai women routinely take the foreigner’s money and then sneak back to their local, no-money, abusive, drug addicted tuk-tuk driving boyfriends or husbands.
Or how about the effect on a man’s ego to discover that his girlfriend is still madly in love with her masculine female lover? (Rut-Row!)
Also...
Cultural Values - Core Level Differences
On many fronts, Western Values and Asian Values clash with one another.
For instance, the meaning of money.
Because of mass poverty, money means a lot more than just a tool for economic transactions. In Asia, money represents things like status, love, and literally the power over life and death.
So, while most Westerners use money and love people; in Thailand, more often than not, the reverse is true.
Speaking about truth, the Thai culture would rather "save face" with a lie instead of telling the truth.
Thailand's "Honorable Dishonesty" is a daily fact of life. Rampant, blatant lying is routinely practiced and culturally condoned.
Another issue is discrimination.
You can palpably feel the constant Xenophobia. Thai people live in a hermetically sealed, societal bubble and really don’t care to know about the rest of the world. In their minds, they are “Thai” and that’s all that matters.
Conversely, if one is not Thai, one ain’t shit!
You can see it on their faces. The expressions of repugnance, subtle gestures of disrespect, and overt actions of exasperation are more than self-explanatory.
The transient nature of foreigners feeds into the mercenary demeanor and nationalistic ideology of the Thai people.
The No-Win Ouroboros
This results in a perpetual loop of exploitation and further, mutual distrust; resembling a cruel and nasty ouroboros (the symbol depicting a snake eating its own tail).
Everyone loses, but have no other option than to tolerate it.
While in the midst of other Farangs, I’ve heard the following sentiments expressed several times during my stay:
Farang: “Why does everyone think I’m a walking ATM? Jeez! I’m tired of being treated like a continual, streetside freak show!
No wonder most foreigners like me don’t stay here very long…”
While incognito, masquerading as a local, I've heard:
Thais: “Why should we Thais treat Farangs like real people? They are not Thai and don’t deserve all that money they spend in Thailand. They are rude.
They are temporary. They never stay long enough to really matter. Some of them try to stay and pretend to be Thai, but they will never be Thai.
Sooner or later, usually sooner, almost all of them will leave Thailand anyway.
So we’d better get as much money from those rich Farangs as quickly as we can before they’re gone again!”
Additional Rants
English? We don’t need no stinking English!
Otherwise known as the ""Even though we know how to speak English, let’s see just how much we can confuse, inconvenience, and frustrate the foreigner" game.
Thailand’s immigration laws are grossly slanted towards tourism and blatantly discriminatory to foreign residents – even to foreigners whose wives are Thai nationals.
It becomes quickly apparent that Thailand wants tourists, not Ex-Pats; making foreign residents feel like second-class citizens.
Work and pay taxes? Yes.
But the message is clear:
You can work here, but YOU WILL PAY! Foreign workers - and teachers in particular, require working permit/visas and even passports are routinely (and illegally) held hostage by employers.
Long term residential security? Hell No!
Property Rights? Don’t make me laugh!
A foreigner has to roll the dice when it comes to purchasing land or a home; of course, usually put in his Thai significant other’s name, or using some convoluted corporate, or as a last resort - engage in a dubious real estate scheme.
These restrictions leave all foreigners vulnerable to a speedy reversal of promises and land/property seizure by the spouse or Thai government.
Because of the Buddhist religion, “Soi Dogs” [Thai: Street Dogs] are ostensibly tolerated and cared for.
Stray dogs are everywhere! They have carte blanche to do whatever they want and lay wherever they please.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to step over a sleeping dog while entering or exiting a 7-11 store; or even worse, barely avoiding an accident on my motorcycle because of multiple, sleeping dog obstacles in the road!
Diminished Social Status - Lowest on the Totem Pole!
"Never get between a Thai and her family. You will lose!"
Unlike the west, the Thai wife regards her family as the "primary family" and her/her husband's family as the "secondary family".
Foreigner husbands are the lowest on the Thai Family Totem Pole.
And in spite of being the husband, breadwinner, and head of household, the foreigner will never come close to the relative importance of his mate’s family.
To me, this situation is just a ticking time-bomb, "a train wreck waiting to happen".
Birds of a Feather? No Way!
Life Draining Farang acquaintances were everywhere.
The longer I spent in Thailand, the longer I found myself looking at other Farangs suspiciously because the majority of them were the kind of people I would never associate with in my own country.
I found myself consciously avoiding those shady characters as much as possible.
And if that was not feasible, I would take a very long time to get to know them before accepting any offers to socialize outside of the workplace.
Why?
Because most of them turned out to be bankrupt, drunks, druggies, wife or girlfriend abusers, suffering from abusive wives or girlfriends, or running from the consequences of their financial or legal indiscretions in their own countries.
Since I firmly believe that a person eventually becomes “the knowledge he seeks and the company he keeps,” I always stood at a safe distance on the sidelines and witnessed many foreigners act out the same, tragic scenes of prolonged physical, psychological and spiritual suicide.
Time well spent?
Was it worth it?
Maybe. It depends.
And it’s hard to explain.
Unless you’ve actually experienced living in Thailand, it is hard to profoundly understand it.
It’s like trying to explain how life in the military is to someone who has never been a soldier. Or like trying to explain how prison life is to someone who has never been incarcerated.
No words can do justice to the gamut of differences from “normal life.”
I learned a lot about myself.
For example, when exposed to enough stimulating distractions, emotion can quickly trump logic.
It became clear to me that anything pleasurable can easily turn into a negative addiction.
Anyone's weaknesses can be exploited and their personal thresholds breached. All it takes for this to happen is the victim's naivety and a predisposition for escapism.
If I had to do it all over again, I’d certainly keep the following questions in the forefront of my mind:
Do I have a set of clear goals (career, financial, physical, personal, etc.) that I could accomplish “in country”?
Am I moving towards or away from my goals?
Do I have a firm plan complete with an exit strategy (length of stay and a "leave no matter what" date)?
Conclusions
Thailand is a nice place to visit, but as a place to live a significant portion of the rest of my life was out of the question.
For those of you who are willing to take the positives with the negatives and still feel good about yourselves, I say, “Great. Good for you.”
But for me, I’ve tasted the Thai lifestyle, enjoyed all that I could, and look back on all of it as a great learning experience; full of people, events, and things I probably could never have gotten anywhere else.
Parting Shots
"Contrary to popular belief, Thailand is NOT the panacea for mid-life crisis." - JaiChai (~2005)
By JaiChai
Really Appreciate You Stopping By.
Truly hope to see you again!
And if you liked my post, kindly Upvote, Comment, Follow, and ReSteem.
(This article contains excerpts from: https://www.stickmanbangkok.com/readers-submissions/2008/10/experiences-from-the-flow-25-musings-from-a-recovering-thai-a-holic/ and https://steemit.com/qurator/@jaichai/ijch-confessions-of-a-recovering-thai-a-holic-or-what-i-learned-about-myself-in-thailand)
About the Author
Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.
In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water.
After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia.
Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk).
He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.
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Excellent article, it's really weird how they treat foreigners that decide to settle in, it's probably due to colonial history and how they managed to survive it.
Would you do it again if you had all this knowledge, even after everything, it was still a great experience no?
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@lunaticpandora,
When my daughter turns 18 (in two years), we are taking a couple years to travel the world together.
After that, she has the option to be on her own. But honestly, we are such good buddies, I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to stick around.
Anyway, that's when I may or may not go back to Thailand.
Since one of my various passports is Thai (my others include passports from the U.S., the Philippines; and I'm working on still others!), I was able to buy and own properties and businesses in a few Asian countries, as well as in Florida and California.
And yes, Thailand was a great experience; especially as a young 40 y/o retiree - an insanely precarious station in life filled with so many temptations.
To be honest, I think I wasted the first ten years of retirement on pure silliness. But hey, any experience - no matter how dangerous or expensive - that leads to self-knowledge is precious and should be treasured, no?
I'm very curious how the Thai scene will appear through older (and hopefully, wiser) eyes.
Thanks a lot for visiting and commenting.
Namaste, JaiChai
It was an amazing read! If you had fun, you didn't waste them! I would love to eventually go on a trip to various Asian countries, it's one of my goals actually.
How do you manage to get so many passports? Ancestry in those countries?
My multiple passports stem from being the progeny of Asian parents who were already U.S. Naturalized citizens.
I'd recommend the Philippines as your first foray into Asia.
It will be easier for most non-Asian visitors.
Why?
Because almost everyone speaks English and they've had a long history with the United States. Hell, the previous version of their 100 peso bill had the Philippine AND U.S. flag on it!
But make no mistake. Just because they speak English doesn't mean that they can relate to all the slang and inherent double entendre of American or British English.
Always be aware that miscommunication is just around the corner...
Namaste, JaiChai
@jaichai congrats on escaping the land of smiles and on creating yet another exquisite piece of work here. What a great morning in Malaysia article to read as I sip my cheap instant kopi.
I have lived in Malaysia for nearly two years now, I believe I might have mentioned this in our previous discourse. In fact I think you're the first steemian I had any interaction with. I've spent a cumulative couple of months in and around the south Thailand koh islands and Bangkok. In Bangkok alone for 10 days and engaged,meaning I am happy to only look and not touch the sirens, my honeymoon with Thailand came crashing down.
I still love the people and the country but I got the gtfoh vibe and go where you came from reality. Ran into the jaded English teachers at farang bars and understood the nature of both the locals and outsiders duplicitous means to an end.
You nailed everything I've come to learn as a westerner living in SE Asia, though my experience is vastly different as I came here for love and infiltrated Malaysian culture from deep in the heart of a no farang zone, or mat salleh as the malays call me. In this setting I'm viewed as a novelty at best, at worst a guy they'd like to make use of but my ability to confidently interact and navigate the diversity of the area fends off any parasitic types as they rightly assume I'm far too enmeshed or invested if I'm in this area to mess with.
That being said, if Malaysia as a nation can fix the woes of cleptocracy and practice what they preach about one Malaysia, IE "tolerance" and not succumb to the stratification combined with casual racism that makes social mobility difficult, and thus adopt some of the better tourism aspects from Thailand, they will possibly have a the grass is a bit greener here for a westerner. Long ass sentence I know..
We also know the grass is never greener, home is where the heart is, and the reality is, that for most humans the heart can only reside where basic needs are met, physically, and emotionally.
Great work again, you're an inspiration. I see some parallels between the lure of anything new and exotic whether it be a land mass of ridiculously hot women or a platform of social media attracting naive subjects to toil away with false hopes of anyone seeing or caring about their content. The reef is always more vibrant but alas attracts pests and petulance just the same..Where there are fences there shall be secrets, and secrets breed animosity even in a sea of transparency..
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