MAKING A NEW START IN LIFE - MY EXPERIENCES.

A New Fresh Start

For the past month or so I have been putting this list together, of things that I as a person and we as a family had to face (and are still facing) when we decided to move (back) to Australia.

Many of you out there know, many do not, that I have been living abroad for just about the entire “adult” portion of my life.
Not to go into where all I’ve been and what all I’ve done to make a living, because that isn’t the point. That is all THE PAST.
What this list is all about is a lot more than just “material” things, it is in fact a lot of emotions and decisions that a person has to face and make in the process of a NEW START.

The hard part about this for me is that I do not express emotions very well, I am “one of those”, yep, a person who just cannot express himself the way some can when it comes to personal things. So this list may seem straight forwards to some people, it may seem all crystal clear to some or clear as mud to others. It is the best that I can do without deleting this entire post which was in a way a “project” for me. One to relay some things learned through experiences and secondly to see if I can stick it out to the end without deleting the entire thing as I have done many a time when trying to express myself.

Here is the list, if anyone out there has gone through anything similar or a comparable event in your lives where a “NEW START” was the goal/challenge in front of you, feel free to add anything you want in the comMents below. I am no psychiatrist and I probably have missed like 101 things. I have done my best here and have listed things down as they came to mind over past weeks. Sometimes even on a piece of paper in the middle of the night and then just added them as I got to my laptop.

Here goes.

A NEW FRESH START – MY LIST!

1- Accepting Change
One has to accept that things have changed, so much so that a new start could very well be one of the best solutions. Not running away from problems, just accepting that both you and the world around you has changed to a point where you feel that a change will be for the better, maybe even the best when all is taken into consideration.
It’s NOT YOUR FAULT, you can keep blaming yourself as much as you want, but things have changed, people change, needs, views and life as we know it changes. It is a natural process. So don’t resist it, don’t fight it, ACCEPT IT.

2- Accepting “Defeat”
If you are a person who tries to change the world around oneself, who enjoys a challenge, who is competitive in nature, well, you can’t win them all.
Don’t fight it. Every great fighter out there has lost a match or two in his career.
The great fighters accept it and learn from it, the ones that end up drunks and forgotten are the ones that keep blaming the entire world and THEMSELVES for the fact that they lost a battle.
We’ve all heard the saying “We may have lost this battle, but the war isn’t over...” or something to that effect. Well think about it!
Life goes on! Tomorrow is a new day, a new opportunity to accept the reality of things and to move forwards.
Accepting that you didn’t win is one of the hardest things to accept, but it is a normal part of life, you win some, you lose some, life does go on and new goals and new challenges await!

3- Recognizing the right moment/time for change.
Now this may sound a little awkward, but sometimes after a victory, once you have achieved all your goals in life, you may be ready for a change. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that everything is “honky dory”! Sometimes the best of fighter s out there have been known to fall into a deep depression after their greatest victories. Keep being the fighter that you are. We are all fighters, we all face our own challenges and confront them. So when you may feel that there isn’t any new challenge out there for you, maybe that is the time when you are ready for change.
I didn’t recognize it, when it was my time. However, it is never too late, all of the above and below items on this list are things that you may need to think about and reflect upon in order to get to the realization that it is time for a NEW START!

4- Set NEW GOALS
When life changes, as you change, so too do your requirements in life. So set new goals.
THIS WILL BE THE MOST HELPFUL THING THROUGHOUT THE PROCESS.
Asses where you are now, reflect upon where you wanted to be, think about it!
Do you really want to be there? Where you wanted to be?
Has your situation changed? Probably has, otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking about a NEW START.
So try to assess what your NEW GOALS should be. Where you really want to be, being as realistic and honest with yourself as possible.
REMEMBER, THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE.

5- Make a NEW PLAN
Ohh boy, this is so easy to just type up and see it on a computer screen.
When making plans, make sure that you take into consideration that not everything shall go as planned. No matter what all you take into consideration, even if you use “Murphys Law” as a basis and account for everysingle obstacle along the way and plan every single imaginable countermeasure that you can think of, things do not go as planned.
Again, I go back to my first point, accept the change. As your plans get altered so to you need to start accepting the changes. No matter how frustrating they may be, just stick through it. The end goal is what matters, not the obstacles along the way, don’t get obsessed by the problems that you are faced with along the way. Learn to overcome them, adapt to the new reality of things and in most cases you shall need to improvise.

6- Talk to a shrink
Believe it or not, going to a shrink is not something to be ashamed of. In fact that person could be the very person you open up too and get quality feedback and advice from. If you find it hard to speak to people about things, then go to someone who is nothing, no body to you and who you know is qualified to be on your side no matter what the case may be.
I don’t recommend family or friends. Because these people are set in their ways, they all have opinions and are judgemental. Maybe not everyone, but it is hard to speak with people you know and who you have to face on a regular basis. So don’t do this, you will find that it can be more counterproductive than what anyone can imagine.
I found that after talking to a shrink that I was able to talk more openly about the future with my wife and that we were able to start planning as a family.
It helped me and I am not at all afraid or ashamed to admit it. My family is more important to me than my pride!

7- Finding and making peace with yourself and your past.
This is probably the hardest of all things that one has to face. No matter how many victories, achievements, losses, defeats and so on, make peace with it. Just ACCEPT IT.
Don’t try to change the past, look towards the future, know that YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR FUTURE.
I don’t know how else to explain this very important, if not the most important step in a NEW START.
Unfortunately we can’t just delete things in our minds, our mind is not a hard disk. God only knows that I would gladly delete entire sectors of it if it were possible!
Again, nothing is as easy as it seems, so don’t expect things to be all smoothe sailing, life is full of challenges, one of them in this process is to find peace with yourself and the past.
Leave the past in the past, LOOK FORWARDS, TOWARDS THE FUTURE.

8- Prepare yourself
Make a list of the best case scenario and teh worst case scenario.
Do it as detailed as possible. Get yourself prepared for the changes that you are facing.
May sound easy, but when you start writing down all the “worst case scenarios” points, believe me, you shall ask yourself many questions, even consider backing out of it all. Well, that is just the human nature in all of us. Fear is good if utilized properly.
Don’t back away from the fears, face them, make sure that you see them as a new challenge.
Makes it all the more interesting and gives you a lot of adrenaline!

9- Start taking action!
Remember that in order to change something, you have to get up off your rear end and start moving. You need to start taking action.
It won’t happen on its own. You need to make it happen.
The words “I shall, I will, I can....” do not exist. DO IT. GET IT DONE.
At the end of the task, say it out aloud, “I DID THIS” and then move on to the next task that you have on your list of things to do.

DO NOT QUIT. Quitting is the worst thing that you can do after all of the things that I have described above.
You may feel like quitting, I did, many a time, but DON’T.
Again, the NEW GOALS are the focus of everything, not the past, not the hurdles that you may trip over along the way, it is the NEW START, THE NEW GOALS that you need to stay focused on.
You may even sabotage yourself, make it almost impossible to achieve everything that you put in your plans. Stop trying to be a perfectionist. No one is perfect!
Start to prioritize when you see yourself loosing the plot.
Easier said than done, but once you do, everything becomes a lot clearer, you can focus on what you’re doing and what’s next on the list of things to do.

10- FUNNY GUY
Now, this has helped me a lot. I crack comments that are ridiculous, I joke about the predicament I’m in, I use any excuse to make people laugh. In essence I am making myself laugh at it all.
Now, this may not be the best approach, but I had to share it with you, because it does help a lot.

THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH AND AM STILL GOING THROUGH!

The process of a NEW START is not something that happens overnight, unless you just pack a bag and run away. Maybe this is OK for someone without a family, but running away in my eyes was never an option.
I could have put a list of bits and pieces together, I chose to sort them out and categorize them, which lead me to the above list in which I have covered all the items that have come to mind in the past weeks. Actually, the idea came to mind well over a month ago, but it is now that I feel that my list is worthy of sharing, nothing half done/undone.
Now, I guess that there are people out there who can add a lot more to this list, I admit, that I am no professional when it comes to sharing emotions and so on. This is the best that I could do and I seriously hope that my experiences which I have gone through can help others too.

Sharing is caring.

I have learned that this doesn’t apply only to material things.
That is one of the biggest changes that I have accepted in my life.

Be good, live life as it is too short and when the time comes for you to make a change, if you remember this post, well, just say Cheers Jack! Because you are important, not me and MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR YOU!