Hey brother, I can say I know what you are feeling.
When I found myself contemplating why I am here on this earth and how I can set myself free.
The voice of God spoke to my heart and told me

We live for others and to find our purpose is to be there for someone other than ourselves

Then about that same time a best friend of mine killed himself over a girl he loved that rejected him.
My family was devastated my mother, dad , and my sisters. We all loved him and even as I write this I wonder what I could have done to give him another choice.

He was a great guy, but in that moment of weakness he made that choice and killed himself in his bedroom. Left his family to clean up the mess, the blood that gives us life was splattered all over his bedroom. Fragments of his skull were embedded into the sheet rock. That family has never recovered from that.

I say my friend that we must live for others. If we live for ourselves we don't have much reason to carry on. So love and love more keep loving don't let circumstances rob you of your love.

I have not had those feelings in a very long time. I have filled my life with love and thoughts of those I love. We keep it strong with forgiveness and humility. I never say I am sorry, if I have wronged someone I ask for forgiveness. Its healing, cleansing it works to keep love alive.

You must find something to love more than yourself. Then you have a reason to live that is not dependent on your personal performance, but on how much you love.