From nightmare to dream reality

I woke this morning to the fear that follows a nightmare. I was cold and sweaty, heart pounding, afraid to move in case the nightmare was like those of childhood--one I would wake into rather than out of. But I remembered that I am an adult in a safe and happy home.

That's what I want to write about today.

I am safe and happy, but I still struggle with my history. This nightmare was of a man I declined and who became sexually aggressive in response to my no. He wasn't a person I know. He was an amalgam of what I was taught to expect and what I experienced growing up female.

Now I am a woman who doesn't have to fear in her home. I can wake up from those fictions to a better reality.

I can't overstate how good that feels. To have a husband who will hold me without hurting me. To be in a family that communicates with love. I mean, my kids have their moments. We all do. But when things get ugly, my partner is right there with me in the fight instead of on the opposing team.

Coming from a history of violence can make it difficult to know when you are safe. I'd like to offer some advice. I have said before that I look for the helpers. What does that mean?

A helper is someone who:

1. Asks questions instead of makes assumptions.
2. Finds positives instead of negatives.
3. Shows up when they are needed instead of disappearing.

Putting curiosity before anger is a powerful move. Reframing experiences in a positive light or redirecting attention to a positive also. And most effective is staying present--letting someone know they have an ally instead of leaving them to face their demons alone.

I try to be a helper. Sometimes it is not possible for me to stay and give. When it is, I do. I want to celebrate the helpers. For me, that starts with my family and the home we are co-creating.

Who are the helpers in your life and how do you celebrate them?

images via pixabay.com