Feel A Little Older And Better

Ah! Wake up from the dreams of sleep remembering all of the strife of life. Feel older like I figured some stuff out. Remembering all the memories of childhood being freaked out with a schizophrenic parent. Now I know the culture is like a schizophrenic too, but at least mom loved me. LOL. I am able to let some stress go knowing how ridiculous the current world situation is. I think about how lonely I feel sometimes and grateful for it. I don't want some half assed company of people who act like they don't care. Most don't know how to care I think.

I still gotta let it out in a lyric or a song. Meantime the slog of working is regular. I always feel way tired after work. During all these years I've struggled to get out my creativity. It pumps me up too. To know you have no time to grow or even function. This isn't really living! It pisses me off major. So even though I feel tired and crazy sometimes it inspires me to be pissed off and say something.

Today will be fine. It's a nice day. I will keep my bad thoughts coming! I actually left my bag with my notebook on site. I hope I can find it when I get back to the job. As soon as I didn't have it I was inspired to write lyrics and thoughts. Can't wait to get that notebook back. As soon as I think of something I will write it down. That's what makes the work tolerable - to have something else in store, something broader than just being a work drone. Some personal inner passion. Even though I get burned out sometimes I still have the passion, the expression just gets put on pause for awhile.

I must work on and present my alternate perspective. Only I can spark what I've got and get it going on. I still have some inflammatory conditions creeping back. I've got to be careful. Got to stay calm. Save the freak out for the acting and song writing. I will have to push myself to get crafty when working like this. I will try! Now I am off to have a good day. Unwind more thoughts later!