To Not Be From Where You're From: Feeling Stupid in Your “Native Country” (Part 2)

From my time at University, I understood more and more that my experiences were not unique to me nor were they confined to my ethnicity. My friends of various Asian, Latin American, Middle Eastern, Central American, and African descent go through a parallel process of growing up or somehow assimilating into American (or otherwise foreign) society. Each post I'll explain personal and societal experiences to make visible the invisible struggle that many of us go through.

Feeling “Stupid” in a Place You Want to Call Home

I have almost half of my extended family in Korea and I have gone yearly since childhood. Those visits were only a few weeks maximum a year but I distinctly remember the general feeling of each experience. Especially throughout the 90s and into the 2000s in Korea, the general idea is that if you look Korean, of course you must be able to speak Korean. My language skill was always passable and extensive enough to make light conversation but there is an incalculable difference between native speaking compared to home-grown and confined learning in a foreign country. The nuances, implied notions and connotations, typical array of responses, and other undocumented aspects of conversing in a country are lost on anyone who does not reside in a place most of their time.

• The Challenge of Identity in a Multicultural World

Over the last decade, I've had the privilege to travel and work in wonderfully diverse places of the world and have always made a concerted effort to learn enough of the language to communicate comfortably. In Italy, Bolivia, Germany, and China, I've always been motivated when locals recognize my effort and encourage me to improve. This is the opposite of the typical 2nd generation when he/she visits their ethnic country. It's fine when I slip up on my German but when it comes to Korean, which is also technically a second language to me, it is automatically seen as a breach in my intellect, character, reliability, and potential.

Ways to Motivate Embrace

So I've come up with a few tips that seem to work for 2nd generation Koreans and may also be useful to other next-gen ethnicities:

1- When introducing yourself, start by using your English name. These days when I conduct business or simply meet new people in Korea, I always start by saying “Michael Lee” as opposed to my Korean name “Lee Sang Won.” This automatically gives a signal to the other person/people that you're “not from” the place to some extent and will be more receptive to mistakes and strange mannerisms.

2- When meeting new people or trying to develop relationships, be very open and clear about your background and the difficulties of assimilating to whatever degree into that society. I used to try and be as Korean as I could be, but that made me act more reserved, hesitant, and overall less of myself.

3- Recognize that your parents' language is a foreign language. Don't be ashamed to reach out for help or formal training. Also, turn your lack of complete knowledge into a form of confidence in expressing yourself. Even at business meetings, I'll ask my partners how to express a particular English word in Korean.

I hope this was of use and insightful! There are really 2 goals for me. First, I want to encourage people like myself to engage our family's culture more and find contemporary value and pride in it. Second, I want Koreans who don't understand the experience of growing up abroad to open themselves up to people who are seemingly so similar to them, but also vastly distinct.

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