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RE: The Return of the Nonreturnable
Welcome back man! We've missed you. This Man and I have continued to chat while you were gone. He has told me some really weird things about you. But I'll let the two of you sort that out.
Feels good to be back. You were chatting with This Man? Strange! I'm curious as to what he might have said. I already know I'm weird, but just how weird is uncharted territory for me. Most keep that part to themselves, even This Man.
He kept telling me to burn things.... but I ignored that part. Wait! There he goes again!
Sounds like an impostor. This Man doesn't like to play with fire anymore. Not since the incident anyway. It might be That Guy. I'd be concerned if I were you...
Lock your doors.