BECAUSE I WANTED TO MARRY EARLY...
Image Source
My name is Fred Charlene David. I got married to Mr. Fred William in January 2015.
Mr Williams is a business man who imports spare parts from Malaysia. He hails from Orsu Local Government of Imo State,Nigeria. There was no courtship as I got married to him based on recommendation from his uncle...
I was only 18 years old when my dad called me one day asking why I haven't brought a man home to introduce to them as my husband, I was angry over the phone and spoke to him rudely; he reminded me that my three elder sisters married at age 16, 17 and 18 respectively... So when I was in Final year, I got worried going back home without a husband... So William.
THIS IS THE EXPERIENCE OF MY MARRIAGE
My husband has been abusive throughout our marriage. I have been abused physically, mentally, emotionally.
I have no reasonable explanation as to why I stayed with my husband to that time and had to 2 kids. I got married to William on 27th January 2015, two weeks after our marriage; we had a quarrel about why I wasn’t pregnant yet. He accused me of taking contraceptive pills because no woman would possibly sleep with him for two whole weeks without getting pregnant because he’s confident of his status.
I took in shortly after that. We wedded on 12th September 2015 at Imo state. Others marry and go for a vacation or what we call honey moon but mine wasn’t the case. I went straight to his village house where I was summoned by his mom and sisters at 1:30am after their family meeting that night for orientation and briefing on how I must live my life in their family, not minding that I had to rest from the stress of my wedding and also, I was 7months pregnant.
Five days after my wedding, being 17th of September 2015, Chinelo Karen (my little niece) who had come from Lagos for my wedding complained to me that my husband came to where she slept at night and molested her sexually and she woke up, he quickly covered up and left. I wasn’t happy about what I heard and so I was vigilant. That same evening when dinner was ready, he came into the kitchen and sent me on an errand just when I was meant to distribute the food I already dished for everyone. He stood there as a stepped out to serve each person until it remained our food and Chinelo’s food.
Just as I was about to put stew on Chinelo’s rice, I noticed a yellowish grain on her food and tried to remove it, shockingly, I saw more of it- yellowish grains in her food. Her food had been drugged. I quickly poured it on the floor and put a fresh food for her. I confronted William about it and he insisted it was just an ordinary sleeping pill he put in my niece food, that he meant no harm. William actually poisoned my niece food.
I cried that night and sent her back home the next day. I told my in laws and my mother in law, but she said that her husband also used to behave in the manner, so I should not complain.
.jpeg)
Image Source
Williams travelled and left me in the village with his mum. She locks the gate when she goes out and also locks the kitchen. Though I was pregnant, I still endured and kept praying. My pregnancy was 2 months overdue i.e. 11months pregnant; I discovered that I was the only person worried about it as no one even talked about it. Fortunately, I had my first daughter Chisom safely. William didn’t come to see our baby until she was 6months old because he wasn’t happy it was a baby girl we had.
He accused me of being the brain behind our first issue being a baby girl. He came back and seized my phones and my sim cards, after few months, he bought a small phone for me and put a fresh sim card in it , then instructed me not to make friends or give anybody my new line. He became violent towards me and would hit me at any slight interval.
He warned that his brother Ruben must not have a male child before him that he’s the first son of his mother and he’s from a royal family. He started pressurizing me that we must have another child immediately after we had Chisom, without practicing any child spacing. I tried to disagree with him because I needed to go for my NYSC but he said I didn’t have a say. He started using his mom to torment me, as she kept asking me personal questions when I saw my monthly period and why I have not taken in immediately after I had Chisom.
The tension became fierce and I had to confide in my Reverend in the church for guidance and counselling. I took in when Chisom wasn’t up to a year. I had a miscarriage after 2 months of the pregnancy, and he tormented me seriously and accused me of being responsible for the miscarriage. That I had an Abortion. He asked for advice on how to conceive a male child and strictly followed the instructions by marking my menstrual calendar as directed, shortly after that, I got pregnant again. When the pregnancy was five months gone, he took me for a scan and saw that I was carrying another baby girl.
He wasn’t happy about that and started tormenting me again. He seized my phones and beat me; he uprooted the back part of my hair.
[Image Source](of anything we lack in the house, he would ask me to write it down and pile them up.)
He made sure that I have no money in my possession to the extent that he goes to the market and buys foodstuff by himself for me to make food for the household. When I complain, he'll beat me up mercilessly. I was not allowed to go and buy things or visit friends. He stopped me from going to church during the week. That am only allowed to go to church on Sundays. He travelled to his village most times and left us at home with little or no money. He refused to register me for antenatal even at the 7th month of my pregnancy. I would even send regular texts pleading for support, but he ignored me.
William would leave the baby and I in the house and stay away for days without telling me his whereabouts. When I call to ask, he would scold me on the phone or wouldn’t even answer the call in the first place. My husband has been abusive throughout our marriage, frequently saying the choicest of things about my parents and relatives. This in itself was very distressing. He was also very suspicious and controlling and often checked my phone to see how many times I talk to my parents, relatives and friends. My relatives didn’t have the right to visit me and stay for some time. He strictly instructed me to stop visiting any friends and reduce talking to my parents and relatives.
There have been numerous instances when my in-laws said really hurtful things about me being not beautiful enough to be married to my husband because he is a millionaire, and were on a constant fault finding tirade. I tried in all earnestness to improve things by constantly apologizing to all imaginary faults. Each time I call for intervention from his family, they would defend him and put me off rudely. He would always tell me that he picked me up from the gutters and that I should be thankful to God for marrying a man of his status. Whenever I try to air my view, he would remind me that he is 18years older than me, so whatever he sees while sitting down, I can never see it even when climbing a tree.
William forced me to accept that I’m nothing desirable. He would fondly say it was his right. He paid my bride price and sponsored our wedding. I sacrificed myself to endure the person I married, but I was going down every passing day. I elevated his momentary comfort over my emotional, physical and mental health, but for how long was I going to keep up with that? His actions communicated these words to me I can do with you whatever I want and I dare you to do something about it
When it was 3 days to my expected date of delivery, he told me that he was travelling to Malaysia, but I begged him not to, for I would soon deliver. He insisted and left me. On that fateful day of my delivery, labour started and there was no one to help me in my flat as my husband was not around, I lay helplessly on the floor, rolling out of control and suddenly started bleeding. God took absolute control and I had my baby on that same floor all alone in the pool of my own blood.
But I continued bleeding; I crawled to the socket when I plugged my phone I used my phone to call my neighbours for help. I was rushed to the hospital. I had lost so much blood and needed a blood transfusion. When I was discharged from the hospital, I called William for the hospital bill, but he reminded me that he wasn’t around, so there was nothing he could do. That I should call any of my family members for help. I called my senior brother and he paid the bill.
I was discharged and advised to feed well to build my blood level. William came back a week after and I told him all these. He didn’t provide what I needed to eat to build my PCV but was rather interested in making the baby's naming ceremony classy. He would buy limited foodstuff from the market by himself and instruct me to cook food and instruct me to cook food that will be enough for one week with it. The most painful aspect of this is that he has the resources to take care of me but he just kept abusing and tormenting me. He would buy it and ask me to bring a tray from the kitchen; he would take out the quantity he feels is enough and ask me to take it away.
When I complain that the kids have outgrown their clothes, he would go to the market and buy clothes for the kids by himself to justify his rule of providing what is needed in the house and that he would never give me cash for any reason.
If he finds me with any money, he will accuse me of stealing his money. There was a day he tormented me seriously reasons being that he kept 300 naira(three hundred naira) on the table and I used it.
He ordered that he receives alerts for my bank accounts in his own phone number, which is still so till date. He must be aware of anything going on in my account. He is with my ATM cards.
I told him that since I wasn’t feeding well, I would need baby formula to support baby’s feeding before she grows malnourished, but he declined. 3 weeks after, I was still not feeding well and pressed again that we must get baby formula for the baby, so he angrily hit me on the back of my neck and started beating me. I started bleeding again.
I couldn’t take this, because it was barely one month since I gave birth and I had done nothing to build my blood level, as directed by the doctor but I was rather losing more blood. The next day he went into the room where I park my clothes, selected six of my clothes and put them in his box, then threw my other belongings to the corridor.
That I should take all my belongings to the next room, for he can no longer use the same room with me. He kept abusing me, called me all sorts of names, and when I asked for my clothes which he put in his box, he beat me mercilessly and was pressing my neck, saying that he will kill me that night. I screamed for help and begged my little girl to help me call for help from outside. He threatened her not to step an inch out of the house, but considering what she saw, she took a bold step and went out and called for help. My neighbour came in and rescued me. My husband kept ranting and insulting me, calling me a witch and all sorts of names. He made a statement which caught my attention and that of my neighbor’s.
He said, you claim that you’re not enjoying this marriage and you’re still here, you better leave this house alive than dead, because I will kill you one day with my bare hands, you witch
after that statement I gave up and I had to leave. Early in the morning on 25th November 2017, I picked up some of those my stuff which he threw out to the corridor the previous night and left his house. When I was leaving, he dragged Chisom my first daughter from me and said she is going nowhere with me. She cried bitterly as I left. Chisom is just 2years old but I couldn’t help it but leave because I married a monster, not a man. It was now a matter of life and death. I had been threatened. I had to go alive first, treat myself and my baby and then later fight back to get my 2year old baby, Chisom whom he seized from me. Because she is too young to stay away from me. I have not felt alright since I left my 2year old daughter with him. She is too young.
.jpeg)
Image Source
I headed home to my father’s house and told my family all that had happened. We expected him to come home or call to talk to my parents or siblings about it, but he kept quiet. He didn’t come and he didn’t ask about how we are fairing and he never called me or any member of my family.
Months after, my father invited him to come and collect his bride price since I said that I am no longer interested in going back there and he also had not complained to them about what happened or even contacted them to tell them that I left his house and say what transpired.
He came back last week and refused to collect the bride price, and now he is insisting on taking our new born baby from me. that since I don’t want to come back with him, all he needs is getting a maid to take care of the baby and our 2 year old Chisom. That I can’t be left with his children outside his roof.
Nigeria has gained independence but it’s so sad that a woman like me, who is a hardworking mother, educated, intelligent and now financially independent could not make choices of my own life.
In the 3 years that I was with my husband, I was forced to abandon every choice I made regarding my own life and live a life full of his choices for which I paid a heavy price.
Some other instances of his harrowing behaviour are listed below
I was expected to clean the house to their unreasonable standards of cleanliness, I mob and sweep the house twice daily, washed the curtains every month, sheets every fortnight, even while I was heavily pregnant, I was responsible for powering the generator every evening, failing which my husband would become horridly abusive, and I still tried to mend ways.
He would seize my phones and I would be totally offline for months.
He would leave the house and stay away for days without notifying me of where he went to
He would come home with fruits and eat them all alone, and eat and give me left overs while I watch him not minding that I just put to bed, and breastfeeding.We don’t communicate; we don’t talk to each other. He hates me, his wicked to me. He treats me worse than a maid. I was in bondage, I was in a cage. He doesn’t care what goes on with me, or what happens to me. His only interest in me getting pregnant.
He tells all sorts of lies to everyone who knows me, so that they will hate me like him. He strives to see that everyone around me sees me as a bad person, he forbids me from making friends.
Whenever I smile, it irritates him. He would list the TV channels that must be watched in the house.
He forbids me from joining any family meeting, group or association. He stopped me from attending weekly church activities.
In as much as he denied me the opportunity to work, he doesn’t give me allowance and buy all foodstuffs by himself to ensure that I don’t touch any money.
On Thursday 9th of November 2017, my husband used a plastic hanger to flog my first daughter who is 2 years old now just because she threw the orange he gave her to the floor.
I threatened him that I was going to report him to social welfare, but he laughed and told me that his relatives work at the welfare office and that I was a failure and a toothless bull dog if it comes to that.
He would always look for a way to provoke me, to the extent that if he doesn’t see anything to provoke me with, he will go and poop in the toilet and not flush it, or be spitting around the house.
William is a drunkard and a humanizer. He comes home late at night and drunk. His girlfriends call me on phone to harass me, Because he tells them that he is not married.
William is fetish. One day he gave me 2000 naira to go visit my parents. Suddenly he called me back that I should rush back home and give him back that same money and that same notes. I came and gave him back and he replaced the money with another 2000 naira immediately.
This is a just a summary of what I wentthrough
There is so much more to tell