A Librarian's Guide To Communication Combat

Lesson One: How to Deflect Hostility That Manifests Itself In The Form Of An Angry Giant

A perfect pictorial representation of the event that I describe below.
Source

Most days my tenure as a librarian passes with peace and book dust-tinged tranquility. I get to bask surrounded by the comfort that only uncensored knowledge can provide. However, that knowledge is available to the public, so sometimes my peace is shattered by the boorish behavior exihibited by some of our local citizens.

No one likes to be treated in a rude manner. Although, as I progress down life's trail, I must admit that I am beginning to care less about being dressed down by a member of the public. Most of the time their anger or rudeness has very little if nothing to do with me or my actions. Some people do not know how to resolve conflict without first engaging in an argument. Other people just have a personality that resembles a used women's hygiene product. There are also those with mental illness. Each of these types of people requires a different strategy when it comes to de-escalating a conflict-like situation. Today we are going to focus on the one that brings out my weakness:

If you choose to bully a person around me, especially a co-worker, prepare to face my wrath!

Source

Our entire library catalog is cloud based. Each time an item is scanned the system is updated in real time. It's actually an amazing way to do things, but as we live in the mountains our internet connection can be a bit sketchy at times. What this means is that sometimes when we check in a book a time out can occur and the item is not properly checked in. It then gets cleaned and shelved while still on the patron's account. We all hate this as much as they do, for it makes it look like we aren't properly doing our jobs. However, it is not that big of a deal, we will just remove the item from a person's record, write off any fees if they occur, apologize profusely for your inconvienence, and move on with our day.

One gentleman did not take too kindly to the phenonmenon.

One time I was in the back processing new items when I became aware of a voice being raised.

I hopped up and hurried toward the front only to behold a giant of man yelling at my co-worker. I'll call her L for this anecdote. This lady is the personage of a kindly librarian. She wears her hair in the most excellent stereotypical librarian bun every work day, and I have NEVER, in five years seen her treat someone unkindly. Whereas, I am an antagonistic, mischief making, weird-personage of a librarian, L is the epitome of a sweet, helpful, peace-loving soul.

That someone was being rude to L would have been enough to set me off, but the red veil of anger quickly descended when I beheld the giant jabbing a sausage like digit toward L's face while he shouted unkindly at her:

"YOU NEED TO LEARN TO DO YOUR JOB RIGHT! I KNOW HOW TO CAUSE I"M AIRFORCE!"

Usually, I am one to assess a situation internally for the best tactic of approach. In this instance I jumped right between L and Captain Jerk.

"Sir!" I barked with a commanding tone, "You cannot speak to her that way. You will take yourself outside the premises and cool off. RIGHT! NOW!"

Now Air Force was well over six feet tall, a good foot taller than me. He also was at least 100-150 lbs heavier. I enunciated my order with a finger point toward his chest on every syllable. And yes, I had to point upward. What made this scene a bit funny to some of the patrons in observance is that it was apparently like a chihuahua barking at a great dane.

What was even more funny was that my squeaking hobbit-esque attack elicited an effective reaction out of the foul-mannered ogre. His anger deflated and he hurried out the door. I stood there, arms on my hips and stared at his retreating form as he flew from my presence.

After assessing L's emotional well being and receiving an embarrassing round of handshakes and accolades from some of our patrons, I reflected on just how I had probably endangered myself. I have never felt unsafe as I have done my job. Probably because I am too stupid to feel that way, although I do tend to carry around a pen to stab into someone's larynx should they touch me. There's always that.

Generikat	Air Force
	Source

On any given day, this is how I conduct myself when faced with hostile behavior from a patron:

1. No matter what is said to you, do not regard it as a personal attack. Do not allow yourself to become angry and respond in an angry manner.
2. Let the person, as long as they aren't verbally or physically threatening, have their say. Sometimes just having a person listen to you when you are upset will have a soothing effect.
3. Don't just parrot policy to someone that is angry. Try to have some empathy.
4. Utilize your superior. A lot of the time, if my supervisor is not in the vicinity, I can direct some of the person's anger by combining empathy with a hefty dose of blaming it on "the man". Once a person is calmed down they tend to be a little more rational in the listening department, and I will go make my boss a cup of tea as a thank you for letting me use her existence as a diversionary tactic.
5. Mean what you say. When I tell someone that I am going to do something, especially when they are threatening me or someone else, I mean it. My children know that I will follow through with my oaths. If a person is physically or verbally threatening you, and you invoke the ol' "I'm going to call the authorities" meme, you better mean it with every ounce of your personage. Bully's can spot dithering a mile away and will up the torture ante accordingly.
6. Don't be afraid to defend yourself. I have full permission from our director to engage in self defense. Our first directive is to evade a bad situation, but if self-defense becomes necessary, someone is getting an iron chair to the head.

In all reality though, my workplace is a pretty serene environment. However, I have noticed a blatant lack of politeness and civility in the public sphere that has only been festering and growing in size as the years progress. I don't believe you can force a human to do anything, but you can expect a certain type of behavior in any space that the public shares together. Personality quirks are cool. Threatening behavior isn't.

There were some positive outcomes to this tale. The first being that Captain Jerk has become Colonel Solicitous. Every time he comes into the library he has been a sweet cream puff of pleasant behavior. I truly think he is embarrassed by his outburst, and we never mention it. Although, this bit of trivia brings me to the second positive outcome. I have a good friend who was an officer in the Air Force, and I love to use the "I'M AIR FORCE" outburst in my conversations with him. It is physically hard to not blurt the phrase when something good or not so good happens when I am helping Colonel Solicitous, but as I have related, I have a flawed character. I usually just scream the saying in my mind as I deliver exemplary customer service to that particular patron. My friend, however, gets the full brunt of my jerk nature. Life is good.

With the exception of the source-cited pics, the kitten picture in this post was taken on my fur-flecked iPhone.