A road through my head 1( Working title.... More like...working idea really...I need to find something better!)

in life •  last year

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First of all... well, thanks for reading, I mean, those are my thoughts and feelings, you're actually going to be thinking about another person's thoughts !

Think about that for a second.

No, I mean, really, think about it.
Isn't that amazing ? ( I'm quite easily amazed by the way)
You can put yourself in my shoes for a second, and experience the world the way I see it, even just for a little while !
You might like what you see. You might be shocked, or appaled, or uninterested or... well, you can take it anyway you want really.
I'd really like to know too, what you thought about my thoughts ( this is getting weirdly complicated )

I've got no segway.

The other day, I was walking throught the streets, on my way to college. And I don't know why, I just started to look at other people's faces. And just like that, I was suddenly aware of how many people pass us by and go on with their own lives which are just as full as ours.

They've got friends, stories, thoughts, fears, everything. Just like you. And everyone is that way. I don't know if you get what I'm saying. So many people, living so many different lives that you'll never get to experience yourself if you don't take a step forward and ask about them.
Suddenly, it felt like I was missing on soooo much !
7 billion differents stories. All with some variations. All happening simultaneously. As I'm writing, you and I, we are living them. Come on, you have to admit, it's... something !

There are highs and lows, there are good and bad stuff, it's all a part of life and we're lucky enough to still be aliver to fight another day. No, not litteraly. Althought in some cases, it is the case. So yeah, just... something that I had thought about for a second, while walking.
...
The second after that, I remembered that I was incredibly late already and that I might not even be accepted in class, so I kinda raced to the subway.

Ah, the subway. I don't really have much experience with them outside of the parisian metro. I don't know how things are in other parts of the world when it comes to the strange underworld of the subway . But seriously...it's terrible.
I
HATE
public transports
with a burning fury.
It makes me sad
It makes me angry.

The metro is almost never on time. It's a miracle when you actually get somewhere without something fucking up your schedule. Someone forgot a bag, there's somebody on the rails, there's a demonstration going on, there has been a power outage, somebody fucking passed out in one of the wagon.........

When you're almost as supernaturally late as I usually am ( and it's only a problem when I have to go to college really), well, you learn how easily it is to feel wronged by something as mundane as the subway. I'm not saying it's not a great invention. Of course not ! The good easily outweight the bad when we're talking about public transportation...

Won't stop me from hating them though. It's just so awkward, the way you're forced to stand so close to so many strangers, smelling their breaths, their deodorant and parfume, seeing them sweat or look at you for half a second before looking away as if my stare was the Ghost Rider's one and they had some shameful secret they had to hide.

Taking the metro in the morning is especially terrible because you're barely awake, you feel terrible cause you just got out of bed, and you wished you hadn't had the strenght to put on your pants. Because you would have been in bed instead. And bed is good.

Well...Bed is good, but the greatest naps I ever took were in class. There's just something so.... I don't know, serene. Which is paradoxical really. But it's the best. You close your heavy eyelids for a second..... and you feel yourself drift away. The teacher's voice dissolve into nothingness. Your classmates endless chatter slowly becomes a murmur, a mere whisper before it also fades into a warm, welcoming darkness that enveloppes you....and pouf.
It's already the end of class.

That all makes me sound like a weird lazy whiny brat.... Well, I'm gonna own that shit. Sometimes, I'm kind of a brat.

Yeah, I'm not all that great. I've got a lot of imperfections. But I'm aware of them. And I think...i'm not really sure but I think I'm starting to really accept them. I mean, they're not hurting anyone. They're mine. I've tried to... get rid of them, I've tried to hide them away. But damn it, they are persistent little pests.

So, when I understood that they weren't going to go away, I thought that I might as well at least acknowledge them. So that I could...I don't know, maybe...someday...completely accept them and feel super complete !
You know, it's hard... it's hard to understand that you are not perfect. No it's more than that, it's just ....understanding that you are flawed.... That...that you're wrong sometimes and that you don't have all the answers and, for those that you think you have, well, they might be wrong.
Oh, how it killed me to admit that I could give bad advice ! That if someone fucked up after I had told them something, it wasn't always because they were doing something wrong, it was just because I gave bad advices.... sometimes... most of the time ? Who knows ? If something that you said was wrong but turned out for the better in the end, was it really that bad ? I really don't know... maybe you do. Or at least maybe you have an answer. Not THE answer but one. I'll take it.

Anyway...I'm aware that I'll keep on making mistakes. And that I'll always have some bad...impulses or ideas. They don't define me but they do draw an outline of me.... They are but little pieces of myself, that I can pick up if I want, or that I can just leave there, the choice is mine...

The choice is mine.

If your choices led you to here, to this post, to this instant, I sincerely want to thank you for taking that time out of your own life to take up a little piece of myself. It's, in a weird way, a way for me to live on through you. An idea of me at least. An outline.

Damn, that almost sounded like something deep.
Huh.... I might have a title for the next time I do this.
Terry out !

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