Excuses and blame? Put them in a box and lock them up

I like to think of myself in a positive light and that I present myself to the world the best way I can, as often as I can. I’m not perfect, is anyone? However, I am honest, dependable, generous and respectful; Traits that have served me well.

My working life has consisted of 6 jobs starting as a 15 year-old pushing trolley’s at the local supermarket to a 47 year-old managing a dealership. I did long stints at an auto plant and as a Land Agent. These I consider to be my two main jobs. I’ve gained a lot of understanding, skills and attributes along the way and have been fortunate enough to have had great influencers around me: My business/life coach, peers, my wife and friends. I’ve also had the misfortune of having a toxic and unscrupulous business partner and the financial and emotional repercussions of that. (That’s sad story of my business-naivety at the time and misplaced trust and not one for right now).

Cowleds Landing, Whyalla, South Australia

After the breakdown of my initial company, the ensuing legal battle, set-up and operation of the subsequent one (for three years) I decided to exit the industry and move in new directions.

At this point I need to say how difficult this entire period was for my wife and I. Financially we had been cast back 15 years after the complications with the ex-business partner and my first company, (Which I have to say was going extremely well). It was a terrible period for us. To be honest it brought me to my knees emotionally and financially.

After a great deal of hard work and three years I had rebuilt my business, if not my financial position, to a stable point but I was bitter, lacked confidence and…Well, not really all that enthused about being me. Something was missing. I was full of blame and excuses. I would say things like, “if [you know who] had not ripped me off then this or that would be different.” Yes, my business was back on track but I was still deeply wounded. I blamed everything but myself of course. I was different. In fact my wife’s biggest disappointment about the whole process was how the actions of my past-business partner had actually changed who I was. Intrinsically.

I closed my business and moved on to another industry. That was two years ago. Now I’m managing a dealership and feeling uncertain about my future and its direction. That’s a good thing though.

You see, I’ve had a break through. Better than a breakdown I’m sure.

I realized I’d taken that event with my ex-business partner and attached its story to anything and everything in my life that didn’t go to plan or as I hoped. It had become an old friend, a reason to hold back, to keep my feet planted. Don’t make an attempt and I can’t fail. Simple. In short I’d made it a perfectly good reason not to push forward.

Spear Creek, South Australia

In the last few weeks I’ve been listening to a podcast on how adversity reveals human nature. The episode was on a book by Viktor Frankl a neurologist and psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor. Please do not think draw a parallel to Dr. Frankl’s experience. I mention it only to indicate that the podcast, and Viktor Frankl’s experiences learned through it, snapped me to attention and brought me immediate clarity. I bought the book. [I suggest you read his book. It’s an easy read although very confronting].

Anyway, I decided to let go of excuses and blame. To look in the mirror and say, “I am responsible.” I decided to take ownership. How though?

Well, I resigned my position today. Yep, feeling good about it too!

Now, that may seem sudden and an extreme move but it’s not. My partner and I had discussed it at length over the last week or so and we knew it was coming, just maybe not today. I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive partner and her business has been solid throughout the 25 years we have had it which absorbs any financial pressure through me not producing. I arrived at work today and just knew that today was the day. I gave my girl a call for a final chat and 10 minutes later the resignation email was sent.

I felt revitalized instantly. Still do.

What does my future hold? Well, I’m heading back to the property industry and feel enthused and excited about it. My skills are deeper, more developed through adversity and necessity. I am humble, more compassionate, understanding. I am a better version of me. I’ve cast off the cloak of blame and excuses I had worn for a long time and feel…Lighter? Maybe. Certainly I feel ready. I feel alive. Oh, I also don’t have a job yet but that won’t be an issue. I know people.

Ballina, New South Wales

The purpose of this post? None really, other than to tell a story. I wanted to share it and admit where I have been and that I’ve moved forward even if just to myself. It feels good just typing it.

I also wanted to share as there may be others’ out there holding onto something from their past, blaming that thing or event for their lack of success, happiness, being overweight or whatever; Making excuses based on isolated events from the past. My suggestion? Stop. Take that thing, see it for what it is, an event in history, and then put it in a box and lock it up. Done.

I understand that it may not be quite that straightforward but in taking ownership one can move forward. Something went wrong? Own it. Someone did something to you? Own it. Take it, own it, acknowledge that it happened then move on. Don’t perpetuate that thing or event, or how it made you feel and let it direct your future or hold you back.

I believe that for me this decision has been on the horizon and I simply needed a catalyst, a nudge maybe. Either way I am moving forward and feeling positive about the direction. I’m owning it.

Thanks for reading.

G.

Main image: Port Augusta wharf, South Australia
(All images taken on my iPhone)