Overthinking kills me

I know I’m doing it, I feel myself doing it but yet I can’t stop and before I know it, I’ve thought myself into a reality that is actually completely false. It’s insanity.

For the past three days I have thought myself into such a shitty place and over nothing. It was one comment that started it and now I’ve built it up into a massive thing that is causing me to question everything. I haven’t slept, have been in tears on and off and have now convinced myself of so many things that I know aren’t true.

Someone I have so much respect and love for told me something a couple of months ago that I wrote down. I remembered I had this written down this afternoon and have looked over it several times. It’s made me stop and put everything into perspective. This person told me that I need to realise people react to how I am. So subconsciously I could be pushing people away, when it’s times like this that I need people more than ever.

So I’ve stopped, reflected on my actions, thoughts and the energy I’ve been feeling and therefore projecting, and I realise I’m making things so much bigger and worse than they need to be.

This afternoon I’ve just spent some quiet time by myself and just chilled. I did some meditation and feel like I’ve got my mind back into a good place. Truth is I put so much pressure on myself, I constantly feel like I am a disappointment to those around me whose opinion I value so much and I have started new medication that can cause anxiety - I need to stop putting this amount of pressure on myself and just be.

I know everything will be okay and just the fact that I can now stop, step back and reflect on my actions, rather than just place blame, shows that I have grown a lot and that’s such a positive for me.

So for the rest of the Easter weekend, I’m just doing me!