The Power Of Words.

TeamNoFilter 😎

Some people take pride in “saying things as they are”. They claim to be unfiltered and raw, and see this as not just a good thing but a license to say anything.

The fact that you “say things as they are” should make people want to listen to you because they’re sure you’ll give them a sound opinion and an alternative look at the whole situation. In no alternate universe does this translate to you being licensed to trash talk anybody just because you can or to become insensitive.

We have a lot of people in society that we could correctly term “fragile”; these people, no matter how hard they try, always get hit and broken by words said to them. Now, the story is not always negative as a positive word can give them enough adrenaline for a dozen people but we all know the world we live in, right?

Now, some people will say “I don’t care what anyone says to me” but do you really? You don’t care what anyone (ANYONE) says to you?

Of course, I don’t expect anyone to take the words of a stranger so close to heart. We rarely get hurt by those far away from us. I mean, you can’t really be stabbed in the back by someone far away from you, can you? It’s those ones closer to home that really touch base with our feelings and get us all up in them.

It’s probably safe to say it’s not the words per se that have such influence on us but the relationship we have with the person uttering the words.

How To Say Nice Things

Saying “nice things” doesn’t translate to sugarcoating stuff or lying to the other person. Being nice is more about the method of delivery than the actual package being delivered.

Whenever you’re having a conversation with someone, try to understand what’s going on at that moment and all the vulnerabilities involved. Don’t worry about the big words, it’s very simple.

We have already established that we rarely get hurt by words strangers say to us. We should also note that the person that’s most likely going to get hurt by your words is someone you have some sort of close knit relationship with.

So you can create a checklist for your conversations.

Do I have any sort of close relationship with this person? Is there a chance this person will take my words to heart?

If you tick both boxes, then you should pay close attention to what you do, say, and all that you don’t do or say.

A simple example could be someone coming to you for a favor. They claim you’re their last resort or maybe you know you’re their only resort (because you know them that much) and they believe they can approach you alone for stuff like that. The problem is that you’d have wished to grant them this favor but due to stuff happening around you, you wouldn’t be able to at the moment.

This is a very understandable situation and nobody in the world will hate you for that but can you guess what your reply to the person was?

“No.”

pause

Yeah, of course you can’t possibly agree to the favor when you don’t have the means to but just saying “No”? Really? What happened to all that context; all the reasons that are preventing you from doing stuff even though you wish you could? You don’t think they’re important? Hell yeah, they are!

At the stage of vulnerability, a plain “no” can mean a lot of crazy things. A “no” with further explanation can only mean one thing.

This might be the most trivial thing in the history of human existence but I think it’s very important we at least acknowledge that it’s a problem and that it exists. Whether we want to work on it or not is an issue for another day.

You might not mind being on the receiving end of a plain “no” but not everyone is like you. There are people who wouldn’t mind not getting more information but I don’t think there’s anyone who would reject more information, so why not err on the side of giving out more information?