10 year challenge and my issues with ageing

Many of you may be familiar with the hashtag #10yearchallenge which has gone viral on Instagram and Facebook, and which consists in putting 2 photos side by side. One from 10 years ago, and one 10 years later.

This challenge has no other purpose than showing how much or how little we've changed in 10 years, and like many others I got sucked into it, although it steers up mixed feelings for me.

While looking for a 10 year old picture (mine on the left is actually 12 years old from 2007) made me realize how much of a baby face I had back then. I look at that made up face (the photo was taken at my company's Christmas party), and I barely recognize the person I'm seeing. Of course it's me, just with less of a tan (in London getting a tan is nearly impossible), and of course without the fine lines that decorate the corners of my eyes today. Many will say that I have not changed at all or very little (thanks guys!), but the fact is I did.

Positive changes

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To be honest, aside from having better skin back then, I actually prefer my body now. I wasn't working out nearly as much back then, and didn't have any muscle mass. I think I'm much stronger today and am leading a much healthier lifestyle (back then a 12 hours/day office job vs. only 4 hours today, living in the jungle and being active and outdoorsy).

I'm also eating much better. I'm not gulping down a dry pizza from the BNP Paribas canteen in front of my 3 computer screens trying to finish a presentation at the same time, and leaving after dark. I don't actually know how I could put up with this madness for 2 years without going nuts!

Ten years later, I know what I want and what I don't accept in life. No bullshit, time is more valuable than a fat paycheck, no asshole bosses, my health and sanity are more important than fancy clothes and nightclubs. 10 years ago I didn't have my priorities straight. I was a puppet of the system, just another corporate bitch following the lead of so many others, aspiring to become all the things that I despise today. Had I stayed, I would probably have a fancy apartment somewhere in a big city, I would wear expensive stilettos and eat sushi every night.

But would I be happy? I doubt it. I was miserable back then, and would have been today.

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I think the best achievement for me is to be in a good place now. Today, I'm broke most of the time (or close to being broke), but I wouldn't change it for the world. It's my personal choice. I look outside of my window and I see nature, I see the sun and no other human beings anywhere near me. I don't get up anymore with cramps in my stomach because I'm apprehending my new work day. I don't compare myself to others anymore. I'm just me. I know who I am and what I want, and it's much better this way.

My issues with ageing

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My biggest fear in life is not death or heights, it's ageing, because it is something that affects us all and that we have no control over. There is no pause button, and we can't rewind time either.

I'm afraid as hell of getting older, because I don't want my body and mind to deteriorate. I don't want to lose strength and vitality, and of course I also don't want to be less attractive. Right now I still enjoy people thinking that I'm much younger than my age, but I know this privilege has an expiration date too.

The other day I read an article about French author Yann Moix who said that he would never date a woman of his age because they become invisible see article here. This hurt me profoundly, because one day, I'll be one of those invisible women that a man of my age would never date.

I also look at my parents and see how their physique has changed over time. When I look at them I can't help myself but wonder how much time they have left to spend with me. This thought saddens me profoundly...It's just a reminder to live life at its fullest, taking advantage of family and friends as much as possible, and to not delay anything for later.

Who were you 10 years ago? Are you in a better place today or do you feel nostalgic?

Are you afraid of ageing?

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