MY MIND-SELF WAR 1 (Re-upload)

My life has been blessed by God Almighty. Grace has been my Friend until i choose not to remeber HOME. He took miles away from me, watching me from afar.
God has blessed me with WISDOM, PHYSICAL STRENGTH and CHARMING LOOK, but with all these, after so many years i was still in shame, Pain and Agony. WHY AM I KILLING MYSELF WITH MY OWN HANDS?
I know the truth but i fail to follow the light. This is not the time for me to blame the devil, this is the time i need to face my own self and tell my self the truth. Enough is Enough, i cant continue to fight with myself just because darkness has covered my eyes leaving me empty without an offer.
I know within myself what i am capable of doing, chains i am capable of breaking and things/position i am eligible to hold. But with unseriousness, stupidity and lack of light, i allow my mind to be fooled and get carried away by little things. i decive myself thinking i was helping issue, i procastinated, i neglected and i walked away from truth.
In my academics, things i know very well that i am to do, i fail to do them for resonable excuse i still don't know.
WHY DID I LET IT HAPPEN?
The things/people one keeps around his/her self can influence one at a percentage of 85. I knew all this but i allow it happen. WHO AM I, A FOOL OR THE FOOLED?
Each day i wake up from bed, i have this fare of what do i have to offer, who am i making proud and what kind of example will i be to my younger ones and my community/country. ALL EYES ON ME!!!
Each time i know that i am walking out of site, i am always in cold. i couldn't help the situation, then i make a mistake of allowing my body to control my mind. WHO AM I, A FOOL OR THE FOOLED? My heartbeat becomes faster as i get a day older because i am either stagnant or reducing in terms of worth. MY LIFE HAS BEEN MY WAR.