Dealing with manipulators, egoists and energy vampires
No matter how nice, friendly, and patient person you are, there are always some people you don' get along with. It's not important who's right and who's wrong, it seems that you just can't stand to be close to that person. People have different characters, different opinions, different reactions and you can't predict their actions. If you feel bad just for talking to someone or standing next to someone, something in that person drains your energy. It literally sucks your blood and you start to feel exhausted. Especially if the person is manipulative and consciously feeds with other people's life energy. Now I will tell you few things about a guy I know. We were friends once, but now I can't call him a friend, so let's say he's a sort of my associate.
BACKGROUND
I know this guy since I was 14 and we shared the common interests in hip-hop music. We were both writing lyrics and rapping, many times we were rivals and on different sides. He was very aggressive and kinda evil, even as a teenager. He was the one who would steal your food money, crush your cellphone on the asphalt, tear your school bag, or simply slap the younger ones and weaker ones. It would be kinda funny if the guy wasn't huge. But his corpulent figure showed to be very convincing. As we were growing, he became a little bit calmer but that appeared to be only a mask. He has that special character and unfortunately for me, I let him be in the inner circle of my friends. Well, that couldn't end up well and it caused me tons of problems, but it also taught me a lesson that I will never forget and it helped me to develop the attitude to deal with such kind of people.
The guy I'm writing about is just an example, there are many many people just like him and many many others who suffer as their victims.
THE MANIPULATOR
When you have to deal with a manipulator, or when you have a problem with one, he will never take the blame. He is skilled to make you take his blame - and to feel bad for it. He will always have the reasons for why you're wrong and why he's right. In the presence of that person, you are not able to see things clearly and you feel stupid for even trying to talk about the problem. And you will accept the blame. After few moments, when you are not in his presence anymore, you just realize that you have been manipulated and that you accomplished nothing by trying to solve the problem, you just made it even worse. Manipulators act like they play a real-time strategy game with people around them as their pawns. Nothing will stop them to do exactly what they want and they don't care if their actions will harm other people. Cause justifies the means.
THE EGOIST
In almost every case, the manipulators are also the egoists. They will never admit they're wrong and their way is always the right way.
EXAMPLE # 1:
My "friend" once saw me in front of the bank and noticed that I was going to pay my bills. He started mocking me and telling me that he would never do it, he doesn't have nerves to wait in long line so he "ordered" his girlfriend to do it for him every month. He told me that I don't act as a man... Well, he's also very traditional and makes differences between men's jobs and women's jobs, but I just don't think that way, I live in the 21st century, so all jobs are men's and women's jobs to me.
EXAMPLE # 2:
Since I mentioned "mocking" in the EXAMPLE # 1, the person who is an egoist is a mocking professional. My "friend" is very good at it, he's always trying to entertain himself and some others by rudely mocking someone he picked from the group. So one day a few of us were in the studio listening to a song that we just recorded. My "friend" couldn't stop mocking the guy who was with us and had a funny accent on the track in few moments. But that mocking was very rude and humiliating. The guy didn't know my "friend" well, so he made few revenge jokes to my "friend" and my "friend" didn't like it... So he started punching the guy and beat him up.
These are only the examples, things like these were happening every day with this person and something had to be done about it.
THE ENERGY VAMPIRE
So I described how my "friend" was causing the problems to all people around him. But when he finds himself in the trouble, he becomes the energetic vampire who will make you think about nothing but about his problems. He often demands to be the first on everybody's lists and, as he was a manipulator, he organizes the others to find the solutions and put them under pressure for that. So when you have a problem, he won't even listen to you, he will try to change the subject and mock you as your problem is not significant. But when he has a problem, he'll suck your blood about it! He won't let you even think about something else.
After hanging out few hours with this guy, you feel brain-washed and exhausted, you can still hear his voice and you definitely need some rest.
HOW TO DEAL WITH THESE PEOPLE
I know this guy from my childhood and his character didn' change, so I kinda upgraded my immune system on that type of persons. This friendship thought me how to deal with that kind of people. But I am also a stubborn person and it is not easy to "handle me". I have a strong attitude and I take that attitude wherever I go. I don't have bad intentions for anybody, but I also want to protect myself from exhausting people. Usually, I am the one who will always help! If you are in some trouble, all you gotta do is call me, I will leave whatever I was doing and help you. But I have my own limits, because, if I help you, I don't want to ruin my day with it and think about it hours later. People will try to manipulate you every day and in their presence, you mustn't forget your human rights. The best way is to say straight: "I don't want to do it because I DON'T WANT!". Other answers like "Sorry, but I don't have time..." or "I don't think that I am the right person for that..." will only make him try harder to manipulate you.
When you refuse to be manipulated by an egoist, you should expect some kind of revenge. And he will never miss the opportunity to mention that you didn't help him! I reduced the hanging with the mentioned guy on maybe few times in a month and whatever he says, I just don't take it seriously! Don't let anyone crush your attitude!
DISCLAIMER
- There are people who are too sensitive and fragile. They see all others as possible energy vampires, but those are the same dangerous as energy vampires and you have to be careful with them as with the energy vampires.
- The guy I just wrote about is twice larger than me and physically very aggressive. Luckily, he knows nothing about Steemit and his knowledge about computers are very low, but if somehow he finds this - I'm fucked!
Thank you!!!
It's truly difficult to deal with various types of people... If only we could ignore them every time, but somehow it's simply running away. I agree about confronting them and being frank... they need to know what we think because they're not the only people in this world.
It's great how you remained "friends" with them... :) Good luck! ;)
I just can't ignore! I have to say something! But that's just the way I am!
And that's a great thing! ;)
Ego brain, man-made shame... All I got to say :D
PS if he finds you, you can hide at my place haha :D
OK, but first take care of some honey420 ;))
HAHA Honey is here, you didn't come last Monday :) It's waiting still, better come fast :D haha
Thanks for sharing busy
In other words just stand your ground. No means no. Good post @dumar022
Thank you
I hope your "friend" never sees this article :) But true...I also have a manipulating friend. She used to text me and say: hey do you have time today? Thinking that she wants to hang out, I would say yes. Later I ended up in a store picking up sunglasses for her which she ordered online. That happened a few times. I was just too nice or too stupid to say no, but after I told her I don't wanna do it anymore she started ignoring me. Later I found out she was giving "duties" like that to everyone else too. Every time we would hang out on a coffee she would drain my energy with her negativity.
It’s not about being nice or stupid! You were just normal but your friend was abuser
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None of these people have any the Ego, because it is a conscious about self, but a damaged residual of the same, so their opinion shouldn't bother anyone because they reason, conclude and act in unreasonable and less efficient way. A complete human being can collaborate with others normally, none of these listed above can.
I wouldn’t enter deep into philosophy... I prefer street words and real talk. Ego is what you say it is but there is also a different definition of an egoist and egomaniac. My post doesn’t say anything about their opinions but about their actions! Opinions can’t harm me and I don’t bother with them, but actions actually harm and hurt others so you can’t not to bother with them
Yes, I agree that an egomaniac is much better term. For them the opinions of other people form what you say the action for example against somebody, but they are terribly dependent to other people , still, until it is too late it is not so obvious. For example, the energy vampire will do anything to suck you dry until you recognize it. All three types are capable of immense scale of gaslighting , lies and manipulation, and all three can be very well summed down under one category - a narcissist.
This was a very nice read, I am looking forward to see the next one.
Thank you and yes, egomaniac is the right word
Sadly, we all have these kinds of people around us in one moment or another. You explained it very well with examples of their actions.
I wanted to ask you how would you call this kind of people - you know when you ask someone something and they say similar to what you wrote - "I don't know, maybe. I am not sure. We will see." and then you say "just say yes or no, I will ask someone else if you can't" but they won't because they need and want you to think about them and depend on their "maybe" so they can feel important
(dislaimer: exclude the ones that say maybe because of responsibilities or any other justified reason)